A bad mummy re child starting school :(

[Hellodarknessmyfriend]

My little one is due to start school in September. We have been given a list of 11 days relating to the transition in; stay and plays, meet the staff, home visit, staggered start times etc.
The issue is they are all (naturally) over the course of a school day and I am primary teacher.
Literally the only one I can attend is an evening Welcome Meeting.
This makes me looks like a rubbish parent, doesn't it?

Maybe those non working parents that you are disappointed in for not attending see that actually it isn't always that important to attend because after all those working parents don't go. This was meant to be tongue in cheek but also to show you that your comment isn't very nice.

So working parents can legitimately be excused from the many often pointless and often dull things but non-working should go. Perhaps schools should rethink how many of these are events are actually needed. After all online appointments for parents evenings have really taken off since the pandemic with back up in person ones for more serious issues.

I’m assuming your school doesn’t require any of this then from your parents? If they do I think there’s a discussion to be had with the headteacher

@SpongeBob2022 Hubby isn't a teacher. His hours of work are 9 - 5.30.

OP it’s hard for people in jobs with no flexibility, but you find ways around it. Your husband will need to be on the ball with the school diary, booking annual leave here and there at the first opportunity. And your Mum, if she’s free, can attend some events. The teachers will understand, when they know you’re a teacher too.

And remind yourself that the flip side of this is that you are available all through the holidays. That is priceless for young kids. I managed to get to most school events with careful planning and taking hours off work here and there, but I think my kids would have gladly sacrificed my presence at sports days if it meant they could have had me around 24-7 in the holidays.

I was a Reception teacher and many parents can't come to everything so you're not being a bad Mum. As your Mum will be doing the school runs could she do some of the transition stuff as she will need to know the set up, will be the one to speak to the teacher etc..

@Hellodarknessmyfriend no we are actually in Ireland so very different I believe. She is home by 3.20 most days. Her school finishes at 2.45.

Can your mum take your little one to the stay and plays? And could you ask them if they can manage your home visit on your PPA afternoon?

I'm sure the teachers will understand, and if your mum is doing the school runs then they will probably get to know her. If you're happy for them to talk to her about any concerns, make sure they know that.

I only know two women, two, in my entire neighbourhood and huge extended circle of work colleagues and relatives, (so hundreds of families) I know just two women that don’t have a job outside the home.

It’s getting almost impossible to make this choice now.

If you are a teacher surely you know what teachers think about working parents not being able to attend? Your comments about non-working parents (and how on earth would you know the actual circumstances of all your pupils parents) indicate you are very judgemental yourself and that might be why you are now worried about what others think of you. The good news is most people don't care. Maybe you should have a think about why you feel compelled to judge others so much.

Could your mum not take her?

Could your mum not take her?

Could your mum not take her?

Yanbu op, BUT you are not going to be the only one. If your dh does some, can your mum do some too?

Can your mum do some of it, the stay and plays for example?

But to answer your question no it's not unreasonable, primary schools need to start realising that a lot of mums work these days!

Even when I was a SAHM there was in-day school stuff I didn't go to. Sorry, but as a at that time not-working primary teacher (I've career changed since then) I wasn't going to there "this is what phonics is" session and the like. Went to the stuff that directly involved my kid, but the extraneous stuff and the coffee mornings - nah I skipped a fair bit of that.

Unless you're planning on giving up work - you're going to have to just get used to it and grit your teeth. The transition thing is ridiculous though - we had a couple of afternoons before September and then a half day and get on into it when mine started. Even moving to secondary it's two full days and a parents meeting on one night (where they'll also remove your entire salary for the uniform sale). There are extra bits for DD2 moving to secondary as she's got various SEN so there's an enhanced transition - which I would be struggling to get her to and from as they're during bits of the school day if I didn't work for an employer who is quite happy for me to plan my diary so I can run up and down to school to pick up and drop off as required, and is adamant I don't blow all my annual leave on this! (Love my boss)

As a thought - if you've got a Head who is really inflexible... would they agree to your swapping around PPA to make some of it? We used to do that to allow colleagues to make it to nativities etc quite a bit - they'd swap PPA slots with the staff member who was on PPA at the time they needed. Obviously only works if you cover in-house with a TA or similar and not if you've got an external provider coming in but it might be worth a try.

You're a teacher. Do you think badly of working parents of children at your school who cannot attend things? Of course not! So don't do it to yourself.

I'm not a teacher, but DH and I would find it extremely difficult to arrange attending 11 daytime events between us. We've got 3 years before we're at that stage amd it's got me wondering now about what the schools around here are like for that sort of thing.

That’s the point though - the OP would! And I do see this sometimes with teachers to be honest (and I am a teacher) - for them it’s acceptable because they are a teacher but everyone else is just disengaged and doesn’t care and how frustrating

I just don't understand why you are even thinking about this, you are a PRIMARY SCHOOL TEACHER, of course you can't take time off .. surely you have taught children of teachers (or other inflexible jobs) and completely understand. And a teacher describing herself as a 'bad mummy' ?

I can assure you that in a few years none of this nonsense will matter - I was a SAHM and was able to attend every assembly, play, outing, reading with the children etc etc (much of it was tedious and mind numblingly boring) roll on a few years and my DS is no more or less well adjusted and stable than his friends who had DPs who couldn't attend these events.

I think the fact you have a DH who works office hours and has some flexibility, and you have all school holidays so childcare is not such an issue, then you have more flexibility for school events than many parents.

Why can't your mum take her?

I was thinking the same thing.

The OP's DH has annual leave which he won't need to use to help cover the school holidays as much because the OP has them off. So he should be able to cover term time events and settling in.

We had to use a week of annual leave for settling in for each child which meant an additional week of holiday club for them.. they don't have that issue

How do you know? Just because someone doesn't work, doesn't mean they're sitting at home with a cup of tea watching re-runs of Love Island all day.

Maybe this is a lesson in not judging other parents as now you're worried that you'll be judged yourself 🤷‍♀️

Have you tried asking for some leave? My husband is a teacher and his head has given him 2 discretionary days to attend stay and play sessions with our son before he starts school in Sept