AIBU for being annoyed at other mother's reaction to her child biting mine

[FourOfDiamonds]

My child (16 months) got bitten today and I know these things happen but I'm so cross about the other mum's reaction.

I was at a weekly baby class. My DC was sitting at the top of two steps. Another child (3 months older) goes over and sits next to him and starts trying to push him down the steps. The other mum is sitting closer to them than me and just says (smiling) 'don't do that'. I realise she's not going to intervene so I start heading over. Before I can get there, the other child grabs mine by the scruff of the neck and bites his cheek. The other mum (still not getting up) just says 'not on the face' but still in a sort of sing song voice. The bite didn't break the skin but went really red, swelled up and left teeth marks. The other mum didn't apologise or even check my DC was ok.

I didn't say anything to her as I didn't want to make a scene. I've spoken to my husband and he says he thinks I did the right thing as I see her every week and probably no good would have come from saying something but I'm not sure. Interested to know what other people would have done? Kicking myself a bit now for not speaking up.

This is the first time my DC has been bitten so maybe I'm overreacting but felt the other mum's behaviour was really off.

She sounds wet. "Not on the face" as if biting elsewhere would be fine. 🙄
I'd have been very apologetic and would have tried to stop my dc doing that in the first place.

At a play centre many years ago with friends, 4 kids between us, they all came running to us one at a time saying they'd been bitten on the leg. Went to investigate and there was a boy at the bottom of the slide biting every child who came down, his mum was about 3 ft away and did absolutely nothing!

I've always said it happens, hitting, biting, whatever, they all have phases but it's how it's dealt with by the parent that matters.

If my kid bit another like that I’d die of shame
yes kids bite/hit/push but I’d have been straight over apologizing, asking if your child was ok and removing my kid if needed

'Not on the face'! Crikey I think you should have spoken up to be honest! Yes children bite and he is young, but the mother's attitude would have annoyed me greatly.

I think you should have said something. Sounds like pathetic parenting on her end

"Not on the face" would definitely have had me replying, "Oh so it's fine to bite him anywhere else?"

I'd want her to explain what she meant.

And saying something isn't 'making a scene'.

It's just saying something.

Oh she would be getting told. I can’t stand useless people like that.

Hopefully it won't happen again but yes I would speak up. Even if in a mild mannered way.. 'sorry I don't think you could have seen but your child just bit mine on the face' then just turn and walk off to deal with your crying child. If yours is being pushed remove yours from the situation - but biting I'd have to comment personally.

If my child had had done that (they never did) I would have been extremely apologetic to you, as well as telling my child that it was wrong. I can’t believe the other mother didn’t say anything! I agree that it’s best not to make a big scene about it and it’s always easier to think of the best way to respond after the event, but something like “excuse me (politely)did you see that your child just bit mine?” forces her to have to acknowledge the situation.

She probably didn't want to stop him expressing himself or something 🙄

What an idiot! Bite her on the leg next week and if she complains you can say "But it wasn't on the face!".

Perhaps it was the only meal he had that day?

I think I would have found it easier to say something if she hadn't seen it happen (e.g excuse me I just wanted to let you to know this happened etc) but because I knew she'd watched the whole thing plus her comment, I was left a bit speechless

This happened to my son . I was furious with my friend who tried to minimise it and didn't correct her son . So I did it and VERY tersely said Don't you EVER do that to anyone again. Think my friend was taken aback but I didn't care . I told her that she better make him apologise as I was really upset and rethinking our friendship. It was horrible, her son had bitten mine in the back . They were 3.5 . She did it , but I think she had a cry too. Although we remained friendly I never felt the same about them again .

She obviously knows her child bites, it’s beyond me why she wouldn’t be close enough to actually prevent this.

By the way, being a little passive aggressive is great for situations like the one you’ve described. Speaking to you son and saying something like “Did he bite you? Don’t worry, I’m sure his Mum will tell him not to do that again, it’s not okay, is it?!”.

I’ve had to speak to Mums via my children many times. I too haven’t wanted to make a ‘scene’ but still said my piece. Maybe not a popular way of handling things but it’s been quite effective for me 😬

I've voted that you are BU, because in your shoes I would definitely have said something to the mother. Possibly along the lines of, 'I realise you weren't quite close enough to stop your child biting mine, but that sort of wishy washy response really isn't adequate, you need to teach your child that ANY sort of biting ANYWHERE is wrong! In future until you have taught your child not to bite, please keep him/her away from my child'. I'd have then walked away.

Make the scene!!

Obviously it happens and most kids do it at one point or another but...
your child needs to know you've got their back.
And the other parent needs to know that not supervising their child closely enough isn't on.

If that fails do an epic flounce out and kick the biter on the way out

My mum used to say ‘if you don’t stand up for your kids, no-one else will.’ It’s something that I adopted. Sometimes it can be difficult but I do think saying something to the parent is warranted. While this is age appropriate behaviour, I’d be saying your child bit. Are you going to explain to him/her why this is not acceptable?’

Yet another ineffectual parent raising a feral child. Honestly, it's unbelievable.

“NO BITING. YOU DON’T BITE”. I would have told the child myself and anything she wanted to say afterwards I would have dealt with. Unless you suspect the parent is the violent type(just leave) you should always address things like that.

I once had a friend who let her child snatch, hit and bite. It dawned on me one day that she was quite amused by it. Especially if her DC did it to the child of someone she had an issue with. She was spiteful and was teaching her child to be the same. Sounds ridiculous but it was definitely the case.

That is a very strange reaction. My son got bit once he was 15 months old, it was in crèche. I was really upset, signed the incident form etc. I came out of the room met my friend crying. She was inconsolable, she had just been told her son had bit someone.

Yep. Our sons who were inseparable (still are 16 years later) had a biting incident. We both were upset but she was mortified. I would accept being upset, embarrassed or apologetic not sing song nonsense.

I'd have lost my temper and asked where she'd like me to bite her. On the face?

I got sick and tired of hearing the “its normal” as was trotted out to me by a few parents who came to a local playgroup. Not with my children it wasn’t. It happened twice at playgroup and once at nursery to my child and I kicked up so much of a stink it never happened again.

It also happened to another of my children at primary school 4 times. After the 4th time I read the riot act to the school. I got sick of the schools explanations in the end. The school parent had the same mind set as the parent you’re describing OP. It was as if the damage couldn’t be seen it didn’t happen. I spoke to her one day at drop off and her words were “he doesn’t mean it and it wasn’t her face.” WTF? Not her face? He was 5!