AIBU for being annoyed at other mother's reaction to her child biting mine

[FourOfDiamonds]

My child (16 months) got bitten today and I know these things happen but I'm so cross about the other mum's reaction.

I was at a weekly baby class. My DC was sitting at the top of two steps. Another child (3 months older) goes over and sits next to him and starts trying to push him down the steps. The other mum is sitting closer to them than me and just says (smiling) 'don't do that'. I realise she's not going to intervene so I start heading over. Before I can get there, the other child grabs mine by the scruff of the neck and bites his cheek. The other mum (still not getting up) just says 'not on the face' but still in a sort of sing song voice. The bite didn't break the skin but went really red, swelled up and left teeth marks. The other mum didn't apologise or even check my DC was ok.

I didn't say anything to her as I didn't want to make a scene. I've spoken to my husband and he says he thinks I did the right thing as I see her every week and probably no good would have come from saying something but I'm not sure. Interested to know what other people would have done? Kicking myself a bit now for not speaking up.

This is the first time my DC has been bitten so maybe I'm overreacting but felt the other mum's behaviour was really off.

In these situations I tend to very firmly state my expectations. For example ‘that’s not ok. You must separate them or stop him if he begins to hurt another child’. Or ‘that’s not acceptable, you need to explain clearly no biting at all’
If they find it patronising fine, it only bothers stupid people and long term it never works with them

No, I’d be pissed off her too. She was in a perfect position to deal with her toddler’s behaviour and she didn’t. Because she’s a knob. The “not the face” comment would really push my buttons. How about “don’t bite anyone anywhere”?!

I couldn't have helped myself I'd have had to tell her how stupid her parenting style was and her son would have no friends if she carried on not teaching him right from wrong and being such a wet blanket.
Keep your son away from him and make sure she knows you are doing so, I'd say no you can't play with him darling he's too rough and his mummy doesn't tell him no. X

Do you think biting happens more with breastfed kids?

My dc was an awful biter. It was so embarrassing but I would be devastated and we would leave each time. I stopped going to group things during the worst of it and just did things like baby art where she was fully engrossed and not directly interacting .

Not breastfed for long ! It only got sorted at school nursery although the occurrences became much less frequent. Honestly with her it seemed she was hungry! I ended up giving her loads of food before she played with other kids and that stopped it. So weird. It was never ever anger.

I would have went over and said no biting and moved my child away.

I say this as my little one was pushed quite hard by another child at her toddler class . I ignored it the first time and checked in with her, reminded her she’s okay but the kid ran up and did it again so I did tell him off and say no pushing. The mum stood there watching and said she didn’t know what to do as he always pushes but the older children don’t seem to mind!

No actually i dont.
Most of the people i know have breastfed thier kids, very few have kids that bite. Those that have bitten its only been once or twice

How is it obvious?
They are both babies. It seems to me you were both at a distance, sitting watching a situation develop!

I think a lot of the replies on this thread are OTT - they're babies, not preschoolers. It's not misbehaviour as such at this age.

She sounds ineffectual, but then if the baby is the youngest she's probably very relaxed and if it's her PFB she won't be in the swing of giving out and correcting behaviour yet.

Both of you handled it badly IMO, mostly from the start by not being within reach of babies on steps.

But a bite at that age doesn't need to be a big deal, they're basically using each other as teething rings at that age and have no concept that they could hurt another child.

You need to advocate for your child, what examples is this teaching if this behaviour is ignored which is what happened here?

honestly, how could you not have said something?

‘Not on the face’ - how ridiculous! I would have loved it if you had turned round and given her a big bite on the arm.

Sounds like the other mum was in a daze. Was she ok?

Sounds like little Hannibal needs a muzzle or a mother who needs to learn to effectively parent her child.

I ran a parent and baby/toddler group for a couple of years whilst my youngest 2 were that age. Most of the children stayed local and are 14-16 years old now, so I got to see how they turned out.

No real correlation between the children who snatched/bit/had tantrums and the teens they grew into. Most just grew out of it. A massive correlation however between ineffectual parents and teens who have been suspended and/or moved school multiple times, had police out, etc.

FWIW I don't think it matters whether you say something or not. You won't change them. Best to just concentrate on modelling good behaviour to your own DC.

Firstly, It wasn’t me in this situation but the OP. Secondly, I’ve known a few biters and hitters, their parents knew, of course. I don’t believe this was a surprise to the Mum, especially given her advice to her child “not the face”. Not the babes fault but very lazy of the Mum not to take action. I’m sure she wouldn’t just sit there on her arse if the roles were reversed!

The little boy DD1 was minded with was a biter. They were both around age 2 at the time.

One day I picked DD1 up from CM. She was sat on the stair looking mutinous. Turned out the little boy had bitten her yet again. She had chased him until she had caught him. Got him in a headlock and punched him several times.

CM had obviously punished the retaliation and the biting.

Funnily enough the little boy never bit her again!

These are the types of parents who bemoan the lack of party invites and ‘don’t know why’

Next time,, you say to your child not to play near Timmy - he bites.

Yes my dd was horrendous for biting but is now a high achieving and wonderful teenager. I reckon she got it all out of her system as a toddler so has no need to be a rebellious teen! So easy now thank goodness.

Yes I would definitely say something. The child doesn't understand at that age that it's wrong so the mother needs to take the child out of the situation. Mother sounds like a wet lettuce tbh, and needs to get a grip on the toddler.

I breastfed both of mine.

One was a biter and one wasn't.

She removed her child from the situation as soon as it happened. That's the priority.

It is a normal phase for young children but all the advice is just a quick sharp 'we don't bite' and then lots of fuss of the other child. Yes it probably wont do the job immediately but you have to signal it's not OK otherwise the toddler won't know!

Ooh no. I'm more than happy to correct other people's kids in a see it, say it, sort it kind of way. I've perfected a godawful 'ah-ah' sound that stops most children and animals in their tracks. I'd have absolutely told the kid 'we do not bite' in firm voice followed by 'you can't just let them bite people' to the mum (probably in a bit of a kinder voice). Just the other day I was with friends and their kids. The one year old was crawling and the 2 year old was slyly trying to step on the baby's foot. Immediate 'ah-ah, we don't step on the baby'.

I doubt the kids she bit cared whether your dd turned into a wonderful achieving teen or that she got it out of her system. Hopefully you stopped her biting.