To be done with this forum..

[Hardknocks]

I don’t know what’s in the water at the moment but I’ve posted a few times on here in the last few months seeking advice and have received nothing but awful, nasty comments that have really upset me, and I am not a sensitive person. I don’t have a close circle of mum friends, I’m not close to my mum either so this is the only place I can come and voice these concerns or feelings.

Nothing I’ve said has been outrageous or contentious, I mainly ask questions about whether particular aspects of my toddlers behaviour is normal, but I’ve been called a bad mum, entitled, lazy and stupid amongst other worse ones. I know (or thought) I wasn’t any of those things, just a mum to a 2 year old navigating this all for the first time.

This forum has really changed in the last few years and I’m not sure why, but it’s not a very nice place to be anymore. If anyone has any suggestions for other forums please let me know… I could really do with the support.

It’s why I’d never post asking for advice, that and the fact I might see my post posted on the mumsnet Facebook page of which I don’t follow but still sometimes see a post from this site lifted and posted on there.

@Hardknocks I sympathise with you. A lot of very mean /nasty comments and 'kicking of the OP' while they are down. It's not just the Original Posts which get nasty replies. A lot of the replies do too, because someone disagrees with the reply and decides to have a go at the person replying in a nasty way too

My last submission was a light-hearted post that was meant to induce humour, but I mostly received an influx of negativity.

I know of 2 websites that infiltrated mumsnet years ago, they were underground music forums, some of the men who did this still brag about it & haven’t covered their tracks very well. I reckon a lot of them still come on here, they are certainly obsessed with this place, you know with women supporting each other & having rights.

That's a shame, OP. I'm sorry you didn't get the support you were after.

I don't come on much and don't recall any of your posts, but I do know what you mean.

I often wish pps would just answer the OP's questions instead of finding things to pick on within their post. The number of times you get people having a go because of a word/expression someone has used, or people reading far too much between the lines and trying to psychoanalyse them (when that wasn't what was requested!!).

Just answer the OP's question in good faith, and if you can't - then walk on by.

…it’s called “Mum”snet. Things don’t get much stranger than that!

Excellent post and a perfect summation.

I still laugh when I remember the dudebro who came on here to tell us we were all old, fat and mumsy and would never get a sexy catch like him, until someone asked him why, if he was such catnip and we were such hags, he was hanging around with us alone at 10pm on a Saturday night.

I think you can't win on here, no matter what you post, often the replies take the opposite view. If you posted a thread on the same topic with the opposite view on the OP, you would get responses which would agree with you/have sympathy on your original view. It's like devil's advocate every time. No matter what you say, there will be a queue of people to say that you are wrong!

You could hide AIBU, OP. The rest of the place is different.

Really mature and constructive post. 🙄

I do think any OP needs to spend a bit of time familiarising themselves with the site and finding the most relevant area to post on. Just putting anything and everything in AIBU or Chat is not going to get the most useful and reasonable responses. Not that I'm saying you've done that OP but it definitely happens

Most other sections are dead - not all, but I have looked at some that have not been posted on for months.

Yes- I have noticed this too, so many times!!

Eg whenever someone says they only have a joint account everyone says it's making them vulnerable and "he'll leave you and take all your money", "you're being very foolish" etc. When people say they have separate finances they get 'well thats not a real marriage is it?" and "thats awful you dont trust your partner" blah blah You cant win.

I feel like whatever stance the OP takes, people seem to like taking the opposite view. Its so bizarre this need to be contrary.

This is a really insightful comment. I do think that the Scottish Indyref, Brexit, the 2019 GE and the lockdown damaged the national psyche - we lost the ability to remember how to be respectful to people with different opinions.

And I also think the 'call out' culture of social media means that people are now conditioned by the big tech platforms to actively look for a reason to criticise or put the boot in.

Im not immune to this; no one is.

On MN, as other PPs have pointed out, the tone of the first few comments has a massive influence. Humans are herd animals and we tend to fall in with the direction the wind's blowing.

and yours is......

This thread is just a variation on the regular "everyone's become so mean" threads that appear on here most weeks and have been for at least 10 years. It's the internet, anyone who doesn't like it here is free to go elsewhere, plenty of other parent/Mum forums. I like this place.

It almost seems like gaslighting.

I was a member of another forum that had a thread about mumsnet it kicked off big style with people from both sites going on the other. It was quite amusing and light hearted. This was years ago though before everyone forgot what a sense of humour was or became really nasty.

I was saying only that I laugh it off. And I will laugh this comment off too.I hope all the support op has gotten on this thread helps her if she stays on mumsnet or not.

Thank you for explaining this to me

You really did that?! 🤣

The posts I absolutely hate are the ones where people write about what snacks they are eating. It’s the most mindless drivel. If there were boys they should go after those threads. The interesting ones are always taken down.

Over the net, this site is known as “mumnuts” because of some of the posts.

I wouldn’t post here for serious advice. 🤷‍♀️

Plenty of posters these days have nuts.