Need to go off work with stress - but don’t want it marked as stress

[Marshallscrossing]

Im sure this will set people off but I want to know if there’s a way of “faking” something that a doctor will sign me off for that isn’t stress.

I work in the civil service and I know people that have been signed off with stress thatve had their cards marked forever and later managed out of the business - obviously not for the stress reason though.

Im really struggling with everything at home at the moment and work is the only thing I can see that can give right now.

My 4 year son recently got an echp agreed but they’ve refused to name a specialist setting - they’re saying a non verbal, not potty trained child can cope in mainstream. It’s ridiculous - all the professionals agree except the local authority. So we’re taking them to tribunal - hopefully should be fast tracked as he’s due to start school in September.

I have an older child who has coped with everything really well but is acting out at the moment as me and his dad have been so occupied with sorting our other child and the EHCP.

I have an unwell parent who I’ve had to run to the hospital a lot.

I work 4 days a week in a busy managerial role in the civil service and I just can’t cope. I’m behind on things and I’m sure I’m going to drop a massive ball soon and really bugger something up.

I can’t sleep for the worry of it all.

Please help. I know people will say I should be signed off with stress but I’ve seen what happens to people that have been.

also - I don’t know how it works. Will they ring me repeatedly trying to get me back into work asap? I think that will stress me out even more ☹️

Maybe read the whole thread or the updates then

Thank you.

I’m still so shocked people can be so unkind and petty to someone they don’t know who is going through a horrible time.

Best to be honest about mental health. I’m sorry to read you’re having a hard time of things. I’ve just returned to work after five months off due to mental health issues. My firm have been amazing though. Wish we had civil service sick pay mind!

100% take the time off. As others have said you can ask your GP to listen it as something else but quite honestly the reasons you've given are absolutely genuine to deserve and need some time.

I'm appalled by some of the ignorant posts on here about how you shouldn't take sick leave because the stress is nothing to do with your job - quite honestly these people must have wind between their ears and aren't to be taken seriously. I'd recommend completely ignoring them!

I don't have SEN children but my heart absolutely aches for your situation and I really do hope things start to look up a bit for you all and you get some good advice and support on here.

I can say that when I was signed off for about 6 weeks, I had stress and anxiety down as a reason (and it was all personal stress!). The GP will likely sign you off for 2 weeks and have a catch up with you and sign you off in 1-2 week increments depending on how you are feeling. Your work shouldn't be contacting you whilst you're off sick, however I did update my manager every time I spoke with my GP. Be as honest as you can with your line manager and they may be able to help you figure out a more long term solution to make life easier for you. Flexible hours or WFH for example.

I really wish you and your family well x

Sorry but I think this is very unreasonable. It’s not that I don’t appreciate what you’re going through, it’s wanting to go off sick without exploring other options. You are entitled to take time off for care, can book holidays & also have the right to request flexible working. I think it’s unreasonable not to explore other options first. Btw I have a SEN child who also has bilateral hip dysplasia. I am also a single mother & cared for a parent with Alzheimer’s. Life is hard, unfortunately. it just shouldn’t be your first port of call. I do sympathies with what you’re going through.

Not sure how you’d fake this? If you’ve not got thyroid issues they aren’t going to put it on a sick note 🤔

Ta for this. A breakdown will be my first port of call instead then.

I have already booked all my leave for the school holidays - I’ll just magic some more out of thin air shall I?

And I’ll just take some unpaid carers leave too shall I - bugger the bills!

Yes hard old life. Suck it up buttercup eh!

It wasn’t meant to be offensive, I was just trying to advise that there are other options that might be worth exploring first,

Sorry to hear you're under so much pressure right now, and that some posters have been extremely unsympathetic.
I'm currently signed off due to "work related stress" myself.
I don't understand exactly why you think having "stress" or "anxiety" on the form will affect your career prospects in future - this isn't something I'm worried about - but if you're looking for an alternative word for the doctor to write down, what about "insomnia"?
(as you said that you've been having difficulty sleeping, and this is obviously a problem which would affect anyone's ability to function at work).

As a first step you do need to see your doctor and get some support. You sound like a strong assertive woman who would be an asset to any organisation. You are currently under tremendous stress that would threaten to derail anyone. At every turn you are being faced by government cuts. The system should work smoothly to support people like you and it clearly doesn’t. A mother should not have to choose between a fulfilling career and the welfare of her children and her own mental health. You need to start with getting yourself strong again first. Like on an airplane you give yourself the oxygen first then help others in a crisis. I urge you to seek medical help, get a perfectly legitimate sick note. Be perfectly frank with your employer who I imagine would advise you to take sick leave while you try to make sense of all this. I notice other mums coming forward who have been in your situation. It occurs to me that a support group that knows how to get through this with all the twists and turns would be a great help to you. You currently feel trapped and desperate. The GP or the Internet may well be able to help. Or maybe your HR department. I would certainly be looking for support for you if I was still at work. You will get through this, you just need some help. I hope you find that colleagues are kinder and more understanding than you fear. Let us know how it goes for you. X

Oh fgs. OP's employer gives a generous amount of sick leave, ans posters are saying she is abusing the system for using it as it is intended? I can't even...

If you are genuinely unwell, OP, take the sick leave (and I believe you are- it sounds like you are burning out. I've been there, and it is better to take a pause than it is to try to continue and find yourself incapacitated by it). Health- both mental and physical- is important. That is why your employer has the policy.

The problem is that most employers don't look after their employees in this way. It's sad that so many posters would rather be abusive to OP than wonder why this isn't universal.

That’s very sad to hear. I hope you are able to find a solution soon. I can only imagine how stressful it is for you.

The OP sounds desperate so I don’t know why people are having a pop at her. It sounds like she’s always worked hard and she’s having a difficult time right now. Her mental health doesn’t sound great.

@Marshallscrossing I really hope you take the good advice you’ve been given and filter out the bad. You deserve to take a breather and collect yourself so you can make a long term plan.

OP, I do think you've taken a lot of what's been said here in the wrong way, perhaps because of the amount of stress you're suffering? You've clearly got angry that people haven't agreed with you and found the wording that you were asking for, but your response to 'ByRoseLeader' was absolutely VILE!! She too has clearly gone through the mill, and merely made some other suggestions as to things that might help you, and yet you bit her head off, and the sarcasm in your response, was completely uncalled for.

I think a lot of people have simply tried to point out that while taking the sick leave that you're entitled to, is the right thing to do at this present time, and may give you some respite and an opportunity to relax a little, but the fact is, that this won't solve your problems in the longer term, and perhaps you are going to have to face the possibility that at this stage in your life, you simply can't continue to live as you've been used to doing.

I know you said that you can't downsize your home as you're in a 3 bed, but is there a cheaper area that you could move to, for example if you live in a city centre, it's often cheaper to buy a house on the outskirts, or if you live in a desirable village, it may be cheaper to move to town. Alternatively, would it be possible to extend your mortgage by a few years, thereby bringing down the monthly payments, then if things improve you could always overpay to get back to where you are where now? All just suggestions, so no need to come back with cutting remarks or sarcasm.

It is unfair and hard OP. I also suspect a situation where you end up choosing the least worst option rather than having any good options.
I wonder if you are being so snappy with other SEN parents who have talked through the need to make more substantive changes because you recognize some validity to their comments but don't want to.
Would your DH be supportive of some of the more drastic changes? Is he truly sharing the weight of this parenting strain at present. Would he be okay with downsizing, moving locations etc?

Hi OP, what I said was to consider what you would do if your sick leave wasn't paid? Would you consider getting a sick certificate from your doctor then or consider another longerterm plan to meet the needs of your family ? Your challenges are likely to remain for some time and I can empathise with feeling that you are on the verge of a breakdown. That is a truly horrible situation to be in and you have options. I have experienced extremely stressful events in my personal life where I felt I was losing the plot. I sought counselling through my workplace which was free and really helped. I also made the decision to delay promotion to a senior role until my son was older because I didn't have the resources to deal with my parenting/family responsibilities and a senior role.
Please take care of yourself amongst all your challenges, I really hope things ger better

@Marshallscrossing on top of your annual leave, you are Lao able to get extra leave by taking unpaid parental leave. Think up to 18 weeks in total. I have taken 1-2 every year for my children.