Need to go off work with stress - but don’t want it marked as stress

[Marshallscrossing]

Im sure this will set people off but I want to know if there’s a way of “faking” something that a doctor will sign me off for that isn’t stress.

I work in the civil service and I know people that have been signed off with stress thatve had their cards marked forever and later managed out of the business - obviously not for the stress reason though.

Im really struggling with everything at home at the moment and work is the only thing I can see that can give right now.

My 4 year son recently got an echp agreed but they’ve refused to name a specialist setting - they’re saying a non verbal, not potty trained child can cope in mainstream. It’s ridiculous - all the professionals agree except the local authority. So we’re taking them to tribunal - hopefully should be fast tracked as he’s due to start school in September.

I have an older child who has coped with everything really well but is acting out at the moment as me and his dad have been so occupied with sorting our other child and the EHCP.

I have an unwell parent who I’ve had to run to the hospital a lot.

I work 4 days a week in a busy managerial role in the civil service and I just can’t cope. I’m behind on things and I’m sure I’m going to drop a massive ball soon and really bugger something up.

I can’t sleep for the worry of it all.

Please help. I know people will say I should be signed off with stress but I’ve seen what happens to people that have been.

also - I don’t know how it works. Will they ring me repeatedly trying to get me back into work asap? I think that will stress me out even more ☹️

I lied. I can't ignore this particular cuntiness.

The fact you say "tax dollars" shows you live in a callous and uncaring country.

your healthcare is shit, your Annual leave is shit.

Keep your baggage to yourself.

This is a UK poster and we have a different approach thank god.

OP is suffering stress to the point she is not coping and it’s impacting on her health…..she is entitled to sick pay so why wouldn’t she take it???
most public sector jobs in the U.K. offer sick pay ….. often 6 months full and 6 months half pay…..pointless to be jealous 🙄

I can’t give any advice regarding going off with something other than stress, but if it helps my nephew is non verbal and isn’t potty trained and he is in a mainstream nursery school, due to start reception in September and he loves it. I also work in a mainstream school and we have several non verbal children who aren’t potty trained. Their parents are very happy with the level of care and education they receive. It all depends on the school and the provisions they provide for SEN children. So don’t be too disheartened about this just yet.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this.

Anyone that doesn't have a SEND child won't understand the emotional rollercoaster that's involved. Sadly there is a massive funding hole to ensure that our children are in the right place educationally. If your child has an EHCP and is in mainstream I'd want to know what support is in place. We are in the same position and my daughter attends a special school.

I was incredibly stressed this time last year and needed to make changes but maintain a salary. I really do think you should look at alternative possibilities where you could be flexible but maintain your income.

If you need to be signed off for stress just go with it. It will also be stressful to be signed off with a false illness and then be found out as this could be breach of contract. Whilst signed off your employer shouldn't be in contact.

My friend had a hugely successful career. Had 2 disabled children and couldn’t cope… she took a career break for 3 years… took a part time job to allow her to get the DC settled in schools etc.. DLA for both children helped her financially make up the short fall of not being able to work full time in her chosen career….
Could you ask to go part time in your role? And apply for DLA for the children? And carers allowance ?

Having read all of your posts I'm very sorry with what you are going through. I'm not sure which part of the CS you work for but I was employed by the Met police and then the NHS for 15 years. Years ago I had no alternative but to be signed off with anxiety after my sister died and I found out something dreadful at her funeral of all things. My boss was very supportive and he also booked me in for some counselling sessions. I was off for a month. This didn't go against me at all. It is what it is. And with regards to phoning you every 5 minutes, no they can't. They do have a duty of care however and you may get a call once in a while to see how you're doing. Honesty is the best policy in my book and I wish you well.

Neither the Met nor the NHS are part of the Civil Service……. They’re all part of the public sector but not the same organisation. (My sister had hideous treatment by the Met for a debilitating condition.)

The employer absolutely should be in contact. It will be part of most sickness policies. The frequency may be set out or may be able to be agreed between OP and manager but they certainly shouldn’t be casting her adrift.

I have every sympathy with your situation.

You have the great good fortune to work for an employer with good policies on mental health and on caring responsibilities.

I cannot understand why you imagine you owe your employer anything less than a basic level honesty about the reason you are unable to work.

If you are unable to work due to stress and your Doctor determines that requires time off work then absolutely you should take it - I don't know why anyone would have a problem with the GP's judgement on that.

If the reasons for that stress is a long term and intractable challenge in your home life due to caring responsibilities then at some point you also need a discussion with your employer about the extent to which this can be coped with through flexibilities, or job redesign, or changing role or working pattern, or whether you need to have a more radical rethink as to how you stay afloat.

You need to take responsibility here for managing this with your employer. The challenges are not going away anytime soon. As a PP has said, don't assume an EHCP will solve all the problems.

This is incorrect. Keeping in touch arrangements during sickness absence are an important part of supporting an individual. Ultimately plans to return to work and reasonable adjustments that facilitate returns to work, need to be negotiated between employer and employee in light of unfolding circumstances.

Get signed off, OP. You can't pour from an empty cup. If you don't, you'll get progressively worse.

This is spot on

I am sorry that you are having a tough time and struggling with so many challenges. Whilst I can sympathise with that, what would you do if you weren't entitled to paid sick leave? How would you address the situation then? I ask this because so many people I know ( including family) have jobs that entitle them to SSP only when they have time off work( irrespective of the reason}. Your challenges will still be there after 6 months so as much as you say you need the money for mortgage etc, something surely has to give in the long term. I have worked in the public sector for several years; it has a very generous sick leave policy ( 6 months on full pay) which is extremely reassuring for employees. However, I am aware that there are individuals who misuse and abuse the system without any consideration for their colleagues/service. And they get away with this. The same applies for work related stress, I have experienced extreme stress as a result of work related challenges( and personal circumstances also) but have never utilised the sick system for this as several others haven't either.
I really hope that you feel better soon and access the support you need.

Spot on, this hilights the complete contrast in employers and support/lack of for employees. I hope you are OK at the moment

Spot on?

Saying I shouldn’t use the sick leave I’m entitled to because they didn’t have the same safety net?

Is this all a race to the bottom?

Are you saying that I would be abusing the system if I was to go off work with stress and anxiety?

I suppose if I wasn’t entitled to sick pay then I’d just have a breakdown. That’d be so much better for everyone wouldn’t it!

Great good fortune? I’ve worked bloody hard to get where I am and I’ve turned down much higher paid roles in the private sector because I think what I do matters and I very much appreciate the safety net of benefits this job gives.

The ehcp will solve all the problems? Obviously I know that it won’t given that my son already has one!

Yes i am considering going down to 3 days but its very tricky in my job - when projects are on its very all consuming.

My son already has DLA and it’s nowhere near enough to cover the shortfall if I was to give up my job. Same goes for carers allowance

Yes, great good fortune. Keep up your end of the bargain and be straightforward with your GP and Employer.

Thank you but I really don’t think my son will be.

The mainstream said they couldn’t meet the need when consulted and from seeing them as my older one attends, they do not appear to be great with SEN.

They are very stretched and our local authority has made changes to higher needs funding and schools seem unable to recruit 1:1s in any case

Hi op. Iv had two sets of 6 months sick leave for stress due to sen child. The statementing, constant calls to pick dc up, two failed summer schemes where they couldn't cope.
I had to take a step down, go for job share and work term time so I could cover all the holidays. We are skint but my stress levels immediately eased and allowed me to cope

I’ve already said multiple times I now don’t intend to lie.

How dare I raise a concern it would impact my career seeing that I’ve seen it happen to others.

Hope it’s made you feel good to be unpleasant to a stranger who’s in a really bad place on the internet

I’m sorry this has happened to you.

It all feels so bloody unfair and hard ☹️

There is nothing in the slightest bit unpleasant in what I have said. You have started a thread asking if there is a way you can 'fake' your fit note. I have suggested your interests will be best served by behaving in a more straightforward way.

There are some really nasty comments on this thread which seem to stem from jealousy over the fact that the OP has good sickness leave terms in her job.
Ignore all the jealousy OP. You are entitled to take the time off to give yourself a chance to recover. All the best xx