Is this too much?! Would I be mad to go back?

[Saturdayfeelingsallweek]

I split up with my bf of a year and half about 4 weeks ago. It was my decision to leave as he was becoming controlling, possessive and argumentative.
Since we have broken up I blocked him on my phone and Instagram. But left him archived on my WhatsApp.
There was no contact for around 3 days after I left, then he started to whatsapp me, some days being about 100 messages a day, full of promises of moving in together, him getting counselling, us getting counselling together, marriage…whatever I want just as long as I take him back.
He turned up at my house with flowers a week after we had split up. I agreed to a phone call in the hope that it might make him realise that I didn’t want to reconcile.
The messages continued, ranging from the begging to him being quite angry.
We had 2 further calls, after him begging to speak.
I made it perfectly clear I had no intention of us getting back together.
Anyway the messages have continued until I feel like I have been completely worn down and agreed to a counselling session together and asked him to leave me alone until then.
He again didn’t stop with the messaging so I blocked him on WhatsApp too.
That is when the emails started, plus him calling from 2 numbers I didn’t know he had. I suspected they were him and didn’t answer but he left a voicemail.

After all of this…is he absolutely batshit crazy or is he right in saying he can completely change, is that even possible?!
Or am I completely bonkers to even be considering giving him another chance and trying the counselling?
So confused, I know what I want but he makes all these promises and I can’t help thinking about how life could be so good together if he did all that promised.

Block him
Do not engage whatsoever
Report to the police
Tell friends and family
Keep yourself safe

He cannot change. He will not change. He cannot even PRETEND to have changed for the short time until the counseling session. Get away from this mess and stay strong.

It sounds like he's not contacted you since his communication telling you that he thinks you're not committed enjoy, and therefore he's dumping you.
So my thoughts are that now he's done "the dumping", he'll leave you alone, coz he's sort of feeling that he's controlled the situation.., Does that make sense?
If however he further harassed you, you have enough reason to report to the police, and in either case, keep aware of your surroundings, tell your friends etc of your concerns.
I hope that he never had a key to your home?
If yes, change the locks.

not "enjoy", it was meant to say "enough"

This with bells on.

He's repeatedly broken your boundaries by contacting you when you have explicitly told you not. He has used emotional blackmail and coercion to try and get what he wants. No decent councillor should even be considering to take you on let alone help you back together.

Why are you even considering getting back together with him?

I'm worried for you!

I remember that poster, I really hope she didn't go back to him.

It takes 2 to want a relationship. You don't. And he's now refusing to respect your decision. And ignoring your boundaries. And now reached stalking and harassment.

You do not want someone who doesn't respect you. And who stalks you until you cave.

He just wants what he wants and doesn't care about what you want.

Why would you even consider taking him back?

GO to the police.

You have a stalker... contact the police to report harassment and do NOT get back with this person. He's not going to change, he's unhinged and a danger to you. Report him.

Visit your local police station. This is seriously scary.

His behaviour is dangerous OP. This is stalking and harassment. Stop responding and engaging with him. Block him and report it to the police.

He's stalking you. He's dangerous and he doesn't care about you otherwise he would respect your boundaries.

Please report him to the police and take care. Don't put yourself in a situation alone with him and don't allow him any contact.

🏃‍♂️ 🚩

DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. HE WILL MOVE ON SOON...

Yes, this was my hope! Now that he feels like he’s ended it with me on his terms he will hopefully leave me alone 🤞
Luckily he has never had a key, and I live around an hour away from him, so that should keep him away.
Anymore communication from him and I will be going straight to the police.

Baby Reindeer vibes. Not cool and definitely not normal.

Take his behaviour as a warning and under no circumstances get back with him. He’s shown his true colours.

Block him on everything and change your phone number. Also contact the police and fill them in on the situation. This is domestic abuse and now you've left him, he's at his most dangerous. Please speak to family and friends and warn them about him so they know to look out for potential dangers for you. If he had keys to your home, get your locks changed, similarly, if he had any access to your devices, get them checked for any hidden key loggers/remote access apps. Get a camera for your home too.

He’s trying to manipulate & control you, don’t go back to him. My ex ended up admitting to me (20 years later when we bumped into each other on a night out) that he knew he could always get away with doing anything as he knew I would never stick with splitting up with him. He said he knew he could always manipulate me into taking him back. He said he was so shocked the last time when I stuck to my guns. He said he knew it was finally over when I just stopped replying to him no matter what he said, before that he could always get a reaction out of me so knew I would cave in eventually

Run for your life and do not look back!
Honestly every single thing you have written about this man is screaming that he is dangerous. If he contacts you again send him a very clear message:

“Please do not contact me again, I would like no further contact between us. Should you contact me again I will go to the police.”

He needs a clear warning and if he tries to ignore your warning then you will have proof for the police that this is harassment.

And for the love of God please go see a therapist yourself and do the Freedom programme to work out why you would possibly consider that any of his behaviour was acceptable.

100% get out while you can. Do not fall for any of it.
Speaking as someone who's been there.

Record all the harassment that sounds awful for you and I'm so sorry you're going through this. Block, report, keep away from him he's abusive and controlling.

Didn’t you leave because he was being “controlling, possessive and argumentative?”

Isn’t that what he’s being now?

What’s changed?

Nothing.

Run