Is this too much?! Would I be mad to go back?

[Saturdayfeelingsallweek]

I split up with my bf of a year and half about 4 weeks ago. It was my decision to leave as he was becoming controlling, possessive and argumentative.
Since we have broken up I blocked him on my phone and Instagram. But left him archived on my WhatsApp.
There was no contact for around 3 days after I left, then he started to whatsapp me, some days being about 100 messages a day, full of promises of moving in together, him getting counselling, us getting counselling together, marriage…whatever I want just as long as I take him back.
He turned up at my house with flowers a week after we had split up. I agreed to a phone call in the hope that it might make him realise that I didn’t want to reconcile.
The messages continued, ranging from the begging to him being quite angry.
We had 2 further calls, after him begging to speak.
I made it perfectly clear I had no intention of us getting back together.
Anyway the messages have continued until I feel like I have been completely worn down and agreed to a counselling session together and asked him to leave me alone until then.
He again didn’t stop with the messaging so I blocked him on WhatsApp too.
That is when the emails started, plus him calling from 2 numbers I didn’t know he had. I suspected they were him and didn’t answer but he left a voicemail.

After all of this…is he absolutely batshit crazy or is he right in saying he can completely change, is that even possible?!
Or am I completely bonkers to even be considering giving him another chance and trying the counselling?
So confused, I know what I want but he makes all these promises and I can’t help thinking about how life could be so good together if he did all that promised.

After your update sounds like he's met some other poor soul. Good riddance.

Oh my gosh, this is really scary behaviour. He's full on stalking you and his messages are extreme manipulative and controlling.
Under no circumstances go to counselling with him!!
You need to send one last message to say he's not to contact you again under any circumstances, block him on everything and then report this to the police immediately.

Not to worry you but it sounds like this could escalate so you need to create a paper trail and send a clear message to him.

I had a boyfriend once who was this level of crazy. He made up a whole elaborate story that he has a brain tumour that dragged on for months to stop me leaving. The only way to get rid of him was to go full no contact and make it very clear to never contact you again.

How so @Aoletsgo

Don’t get back with him OP, he can’t even respect your boundaries while you are broken up so if you give in he learns that he can just wear you down.

block him on WhatsApp and never speak to him again. He won’t follow through on any of the promises.

I don't want to sound dramatic here but I think you may have a stalker on your hands. Especially if you broke up with him because he was being controlling/possessive.

Give him ONE chance to back off, telling him in no uncertain terms that if he doesn't then you will take out a restraining order. Follow through with it if he continues. Tell your friends and family so they know to keep an eye out.

He's just wearing you down. Breaking down all boundaries so you get so tired, it becomes easier to go back to him. He's possessive and controlling and quite dangerous.

You need to get firm. This is getting out of hand and I'd be quite scared if I were you. I'd send one last message to ask him to not contact you or come to your house and then block.

Keep ALL emails and messages. I have a feeling you'll need to go to the police for harassment soon.

Give him ONE chance to back off, telling him in no uncertain terms that if he doesn't then you will take out a restraining order

The OP has given him plenty of chances. That ship has sailed.

It's time to involve the police.

But OP has mentioned he is controlling, harassing and argumentative. Human beings CAN be monsters. You don’t know him but what you do know from OP is that is his sending hundreds of messages, begging OP and being cruel and disrespectful.

I do agree he needs help, but OP needs to inform the police. This man could be dangerous

I’d not be surprised if he threatens suicide soon OP, in a desperate attempt to win you back. He will not actually do this - it’s just to get a reaction from you. Do not respond if he does this.
Tell him you don’t want to be in a relationship and not to contact you any more. If he doesn’t leave you alone contact the Police.

It is not possible for people to completely change and even if it was, he does not even have any intention of trying. He is just telling you what you want to hear.

Yes you would be mad to go back. Cut all contact off and block him everywhere.

I can't see any reply here that says that he is a monster. He is a human, yes, and his behaviour is completely unreasonable and shows that he isn't capable of respecting boundaries, of empathy or self control. The reason for that we do not know, but his behaviour is nobodys' responsiblity but his own, and it's not up to OP to make allowances, because of trauma, or any other excuse.

He may well be desperate and obsessed, and humans that are desperate and obsessed do some really damaging things.

See the police OP.

In other words yet more attempts to control you, which you'd have to be mad to invite back into your life

Agree with PPs that the suicide threats will probably come next; if they do call the police, who'll do a welfare check on him and put him staight about wasting their time when they discover it was all manipulation

Cut all contact off and block him everywhere

Edited to add this may not be so easy, since someone so determined may just use a different phone or start calling round
Just keep records of it all, OP, and if it doesn't stop soon ... police

Yes, I’ve had suicide threatened twice already.
Also been told the doctor has put him on meds for the stress and anxiety of all of this…the meds are also the reason for his current erratic behaviour he says.

Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! None of this is normal.

Block him.

He's trying everything to get you back OP.
Stay strong - don’t change your mind.
You'll be so glad you did in the future.

Don't go near him.

Yes, I’ve had suicide threatened twice already.
Also been told the doctor has put him on meds for the stress and anxiety of all of this…the meds are also the reason for his current erratic behaviour he says.

Yes , he’s read the Script.
Think of this as your ‘Closing Doors’ moment.
Ahead lies a life without him. Peaceful. You choose who you see and when. Men in your life respect you and your boundaries.
Or ahead lies a life with his controlling behaviour, anger, possessiveness. A child will mean you are tied to him for 18 years even if you leave him.
It’s your choice.

Tell him to stop messaging you in any form or you will contact the police and follow through with this if necessary. These sirt of men can be dangerous.

You're actually in a dangerous situation here OP, and you should behave accordingly. This is very far from normal. It's serious harassment and it's escalating.

You need to block him completely and cut all contact. Document everything and be prepared to go to the police in the very near future to get things on record. I'd also look for advice from stalking charities today.

This is the sort of thing which leads women to be the topic of newspaper headlines. Listen to the advice you’ve been given. Do not go back.

He's now harassing you
Police would likely advise one message telling him you do not wish to have contact by any means and he stop immediately
Please seek immediate advice from the police, and 999 if he turns up at you're property

Jesus, OP. All this after a 1 & 1/2 year relationship!
Be glad you saw him for what he was so early & got out. Now to make sure you stay out.
Echoing everyone else who says you need more support such as a police report. Inform some close friends/family so there can be no doubt that his behaviour is made aware of.

Don't engage at all any further.