Is this too much?! Would I be mad to go back?

[Saturdayfeelingsallweek]

I split up with my bf of a year and half about 4 weeks ago. It was my decision to leave as he was becoming controlling, possessive and argumentative.
Since we have broken up I blocked him on my phone and Instagram. But left him archived on my WhatsApp.
There was no contact for around 3 days after I left, then he started to whatsapp me, some days being about 100 messages a day, full of promises of moving in together, him getting counselling, us getting counselling together, marriage…whatever I want just as long as I take him back.
He turned up at my house with flowers a week after we had split up. I agreed to a phone call in the hope that it might make him realise that I didn’t want to reconcile.
The messages continued, ranging from the begging to him being quite angry.
We had 2 further calls, after him begging to speak.
I made it perfectly clear I had no intention of us getting back together.
Anyway the messages have continued until I feel like I have been completely worn down and agreed to a counselling session together and asked him to leave me alone until then.
He again didn’t stop with the messaging so I blocked him on WhatsApp too.
That is when the emails started, plus him calling from 2 numbers I didn’t know he had. I suspected they were him and didn’t answer but he left a voicemail.

After all of this…is he absolutely batshit crazy or is he right in saying he can completely change, is that even possible?!
Or am I completely bonkers to even be considering giving him another chance and trying the counselling?
So confused, I know what I want but he makes all these promises and I can’t help thinking about how life could be so good together if he did all that promised.

Do not contact him. He is stalking you, there is a list of resources on this webpage;

https://www.gov.uk/report-stalker

DO NOT GO INTO COUNSELLING WITH HIM. I'm actually quite scared for you OP reading this. Please please listen to what everyone is telling you on here.

Tell your friends and family. Tell the police. Take screenshots and block him everywhere. Do not reply. Do not engage AT ALL.

He is still trying to control you and being possessive over you. so nothing has changed. you would be mad to go back. in fact it would be an act of self-harm to go back to him.

Stop replying.

It’s stalking and harassment, nothing more. He’s still controlling you, you need to log this with the police so they have a record of the sheer volume of calls/ messages. Don’t meet him again, definitely not alone. Just block and don’t respond in any form.

Great, he thinks it's time he moved on, message him and say you agree and block him on everything. He's just hoping you'll ask him to come back, please don't do it

This is terrifying to read. You are in danger OP if he escalates to physical violence or kidnapping etc. Please report to police so there is a paper trail.

No, don't message him again for any reason. Block him and report him to the police. Also tell your friends and family why he's been blocked, tell them that he's stalking/harassing you and not to give him any info on you.

This is what controlling men do - keep trying to control you. He's lost control and he's trying to get it back. Things can escalate at this point, so I would seriously consider reporting to the police for harassment and do not under any circumstances go to counselling with him - he'll use it as a way to try to manipulate you, and likely the counsellor as well. If you are concerned about his behaviour at all call the police and/or get advice from your local domestic abuse service (details will be on your local council website)

Don’t even think about it, and you’ve been fucking mad entertaining a counselling session with him in the first place. Move on!!

Please please please do not go back to him.

This was me a few years ago, i went back like a fool. Nothing changes, it gets worse i promise.

You dumped him be ause he was controlling so he tries tk co vince you he can change by being EXTREMELY controlling. If you ever went back he would tighten his grip on you even further and it would be sooo much harder to get away.

This is harrassment. Tell him to stop contacting you and report it to the police.

Noone should force anyone to be with them. His behaviour isn't normal, stalking, emailing you , especially getting angry with you about your decision

I would log it with the police for harassment.

I wouldn't respond to him but keep it all as evidence.

Keep safe

And please don't get back with him, he won't change and you leaving him clearly hasn't made a difference. He's shown you why you ended it.

Honestly this is terrifying OP. You're not thinking clearly because he hasn't given you space to.

I'd be thinking restraining order tbh.

Keep all the messages/emails/phone records as evidence.

He’s still controlling you.
You dumped him, he harassed you in multiple messages, ignoring any and all boundaries until you agreed to counselling.
Then when you complied, he decided to dump you and move on.
Now he’s waiting for you to plead and beg, so the games can continue.

I would be genuinely quite concerned by this behaviour. I don't want to sound melodramatic but this sounds stalkerish and obsessive. If I were you I would tell him that you want to cease all contact with him. If he persists I would go to the police.

I would not go to councelling with him. But I would report him to the police.

You left him when you realised he was controlling, posessive and argumentative. All he has done with this harrassment, bullying and refusal to respect any of your boundaries, is confirmed that your decision was right. Slow clap that man.

Block him, on every platform, screenshot all the communication you've had so far and go down to the police station and ask to speak with a female officer regarding harrassment. Show them everything and ask for it to be put on record.

He has suddenoy realised that because you agreed to his cunning plan, he will have to sit in a room with a you and a counsellor during which time you will tell her what he's been up to, and he doesn't want that.

Stick to your guns, by no means should you be having any communication with him at all, for any reason. Don't get sucked back in. You're not his posession, or his support human, you don't have to do what he wants, you do what YOU want, starting now.

If it were possible for him to change he wouldn't be harassing you would he? The harassment is proof he can't change. Come on, time to change your phone number and email address and report his harassment to the police if it continues. This man is dangerous.

Also, no counsellor worth it's money should even considering seeing you both given it was a highly abusive and controlling relationship. Ex would just use the session to exercise more control. Please see the police and cut him out for good.

You should speak to your parents and family about this. Is there any reliable and sensible friend or family member of his who has influence with him to whom you could voice your concern about the obsessive messaging?

Adding a post as I accidentally voted the wrong way.

Run a mile. Unless counselling is eg tomorrow and you can eg count how many calls/emails/WhatsApps etc since you said no contact....surely the counsellor will advise you run and that he gets real help.

Say you are recording with police either way and do.

You're bonkers to consider it. He is showing himself to be more controlling and, at when you ended the relationship, he has escalated his behaviour so I think you're in danger and should send a final message saying leave me alone or ill report you to police. Then do it. Tbh , id probably send that message from the police station car park because he will immediately bombard you and you can get advice from the police as the harassment is happening.