Is this too much?! Would I be mad to go back?

[Saturdayfeelingsallweek]

I split up with my bf of a year and half about 4 weeks ago. It was my decision to leave as he was becoming controlling, possessive and argumentative.
Since we have broken up I blocked him on my phone and Instagram. But left him archived on my WhatsApp.
There was no contact for around 3 days after I left, then he started to whatsapp me, some days being about 100 messages a day, full of promises of moving in together, him getting counselling, us getting counselling together, marriage…whatever I want just as long as I take him back.
He turned up at my house with flowers a week after we had split up. I agreed to a phone call in the hope that it might make him realise that I didn’t want to reconcile.
The messages continued, ranging from the begging to him being quite angry.
We had 2 further calls, after him begging to speak.
I made it perfectly clear I had no intention of us getting back together.
Anyway the messages have continued until I feel like I have been completely worn down and agreed to a counselling session together and asked him to leave me alone until then.
He again didn’t stop with the messaging so I blocked him on WhatsApp too.
That is when the emails started, plus him calling from 2 numbers I didn’t know he had. I suspected they were him and didn’t answer but he left a voicemail.

After all of this…is he absolutely batshit crazy or is he right in saying he can completely change, is that even possible?!
Or am I completely bonkers to even be considering giving him another chance and trying the counselling?
So confused, I know what I want but he makes all these promises and I can’t help thinking about how life could be so good together if he did all that promised.

Jesus after a year of a relationship you should not need to go for couples or any type of counselling. Its just not the right relationship for either of you. He sounds unhinged and I would personally be feeling very concerned by his behaviour.
He is overstepping boundaries left right and centre and I would fear an escalation. As PPs have said, I think you need to keep a careful watch on this and report. In the meantime, I would not meet him or engage in any further comms.

You said he's controlling and possessive Op, well people like that don't change. If you let him wear you down he'll control you even more and you'll have a terrible time getting free of him again. Tell him it's over, you don't want anymore contact and if he doesn't leave you alone you'll go to the police, make your message in writing and quite clear any further contact is harrassment.
He's still controlling you now because you're wavering, be firm Op

So in fact he’s continuing the exact same possessive, controlling behaviour that made you leave him in the first place?

Nothing’s changed, OP.

I am adding to the chorus of posters that think his behaviour sounds really alarming. He is still trying to control you, and I agree this is harassment.

I agree with other posters who think you should keep copies of call logs etc and discuss this with the police.

I also think you need to undergo the Freedom programme and possibly therapy, as most of us would have seen the danger in this situation long before now.

OP you are wise and insightful to this situation.
You have done the right thing for your own safety and sanity. Don't let him change your mind.

Please don't get back with him, and lease consider reporting him to the police. This is harassment and this behaviour tends to escalate, or at least isn't tailing off and you should not be subjected to it. Send one message saying you do not want him to contact you and your u will report to the police if he does then block everywhere, and call 101 for advice.

Take care

He is furious that you have dared to leave, thats all.
He doesn't love you, he saw you as a posession and now he doesn't have you he wants you to prove he can.
You would be very silly to do anything other than block him on everything.

You left him for being controlling. You tried to cut contact. He responded by harassing you constantly until he wore you down. He’s so controlling he won’t let you leave him. How many more red flags do you need?

This is stalking, OP.
It could turn very dangerous for you.

Keep all the texts and emails as evidence.

Block him. Do not engage.

And tell the police.

Yes it is too much. Yes you would be mad to go back.

He sounds like a complete lunatic that is stalking you. I would be going to the police first rather than considering getting back with him. The way he is behaving is showing you exactly why you broke up with him in the first place. He is still being controlling, manipulative and possessive.

Screenshots. Police. Block.

This is nothing but red flags, OP. Be glad you got out when you did.

Please report him to the police. This is stalking and harassment. He can be prosecuted. You can get a restraining order.

You deserve so much better.

I know what I want but he makes all these promises and I can’t help thinking about how life could be so good together if he did all that promised.
**
Well if he were capable of being what you want, why wasn't he doing that all along? He's still trying to control you for having the cheek of dumping him. If you do get back together he'll definitely make you as unhappy as before, then he'll most probably end it so he gets the last word.

Under no circumstances get back together

Send him a final message saying not to contact you again.
Then call 101 and report the stalking and harassment to date. explain you've asked him to stop. Ask for their advice and follow it.
Change up your routine and stay alert (ie dont go out and get blind drunk at your local)
Report every form of unwanted contact to the police.

Its harassment and stalking.
He sounds dangerous.

I know he likes to get his own way, I had a feeling that’s what this is about.
after giving in and agreeing to counselling, I let him know the times when I would be available.
I’ve received an email this morning saying that he doesn’t think I’m committed enough in trying to make it work through counselling, so he thinks it’s time for him to move on!

I think he just wanted to be able to cut all contact in the end or he’s testing me to see if I will come back begging for a second chance…who knows!

is he right in saying he can completely change, is that even possible

If it was possible then he could have done it while you were still together! It's pure manipulation to draw you back in, please don't fall for it. And yes his behaviour is massively concerning and designed to make you doubt yourself, and it's working.

He is no longer your bf, he's your stalker now because you've made it clear his advances are unwelcome and he's still doing it/escalating. You can't afford to view him as someone who cares about you anymore, he's displaying complete disregard for your decision to split by trying to bulldoze you into going back, he only cares about what he wants.

You need all the back up you can get right now, harassing you needs to be made as difficult for him as possible so tell everyone, your family, friends, workplace etc, the more people know the more protection you have. And yes, report to the police, they're not always great with stalking/harassment but you might strike lucky and get decent officers who take it as seriously as it should be taken. Paladin and the Suzy Lamplugh Trust offer support and advice for victims of stalking, I can't do links but both have websites with lots of info and numbers you can call for advice.

Ask the police for a Clare's Law disclosure on this loser.
I bet he's got form for doing this.

He's fucking with you to make you feel guilty and bad so you'll beg him to stay.

Stop replying. Block him on everything. Consider changing your phone number too. You need to stop replying to him because you'll never be free if you let him keep his hooks in you.

You should also have a chat with the police about his behaviour.

He will never change and the abuse will only be worse if you let him stay in your life!

You expressed your boundaries and he continues to break them. So far, I don't see any indication that he is willing to change if he can't even respect a simple wish to give you time.

I would be quite frightened by this behaviour to be honest. I would alert my family members about this just in case and possibly the police.

Having read other stalking stories I would immediately block and go the police.

OP you’ve set a boundary and he’s consistently disregarding it and doing what he wants by texting and communicating when you’ve asked him not to.

If he doesn’t respect this boundary, he won’t respect others either and that’s dangerous.

Dickhead.

He just wanted to make it sound like your 'fault' that the relationship ended. You don't need this drama and bullying in your life.

His multiple texts and calls are because he is controlling and can’t let you go. To be honest I’d be worried in your position, he knows where you live. I’d contact the police.

DO NOT CONTACT HIM!