AIBU to think death is expensive.

[Dinoswearunderpants]

I just still can’t get over the cost of death/funerals in this country.

My Dad recently passed away and I had to arrange everything. There was a small funeral plan (Sunlife who were horrific to deal with!) in place but there was still a few hundred pounds shortfall I paid. My dad honestly thought he had enough money to full pay for his funeral and a little left over. No other assets and sadly a few debts.

He died in the hospital (which I blame for his death but that’s another matter) and we had to pay £82 just for a doctor to declare him dead. That’s utter madness! That was an itemised item on the funeral home invoice.

To transfer him 10 mins from the hospital to the funeral home, £280. To get him dressed £200. We didn’t choose embalming or to view him but if we had wanted to, embalming would have been £200 and £50 for each viewing.

Dad said he wanted a cardboard box for his coffin as it was "going to get burnt anyways" (his words) those coffins cost way more than the MDF ones. The wicker ones started at £1500.

I feel like it’s all so expensive. The ‘professional fees’ for the funeral home were £1200. Everything else was charged separate. In total it cost £5,500. My poor dad was a pensioner on state pension, had bugger all to show for all his hard work. I wish he could have used that £5,500 to enjoy life a little more.

I’m not really sure of the purpose of this post but it’s also to maybe get people talking about death and funerals. A huge issue I had was his paperwork was all over the place. I only found the life insurance policy numbers from his direct debits. I’ve just bought an A-Z book so I can keep a list of all my important details such as pensions, life policies etc to try and make it easier to contact everyone in the event of my death.

Just to add even more issues, DWP paid Dad his pension for a full month and now they're asking me (because I informed them of his death) for the overpayment back. It's about £150. I can't believe they're going after me for it. He literally had zero money left after the funeral was paid. The money in his account (which included this pension payment) went straight to paying for his funeral.

Sorry for your loss, op.

I agree, funerals are hideously expensive. DM's cost about 7.5k to include two cars and a willow coffin. Her wake was £2k which were her wishes as she had lots of friends, so getting on for £10k. She was fortunate to have had a life insurance policy in place to pay for it though.

Even direct cremation is very expensive. There needs to be another cheaper option which is even more basic or simplified than DC but I cannot work out how that would work to reduce costs. You still have to go through a professional funeral director either way and that is where the cost lies.

My uncle died recently and left no estate - it cost us about £1300 all in for a direct cremation and then a memorial service which we did ourselves. We didn't have the money for a funeral but actually the memorial was gorgeous and everyone who attended felt it worked really well. So it can be done cheaper but agree there are lots of costs when people die.

A direct cremation costs just over 2000 pounds. Collect the body and return the ashes. Still a sum but not ridiculous.

My husband has clearly said he'd like to donate his body to medical research. I hve no clue how to do this but I'll look it up when I need to. He said he believes they will then cremate once they're finished with it.

I said we'd just have a big pee up for him to celebrate his long life. That seems to be the way forward but I know people use the funeral as a form of 'closure'.

Wow that is ridiculous!!! I've told my son in no uncertain terms I don't want a funeral. I've already paid for my direct cremation which at the time of paying was 1k. I dont like funerals and I don't want one. I've asked him to scatter my ashes in my favourite place and one of my pagan friends will say a few words.
I had no idea it cost that much for a doctor to confirm the death. I assumed that would be free 😮

When my mum died, like your dad she only had her state pension, she didn't leave any money at all so I had to pay for her funeral. I didn't mind and had to put it all on a credit card, but it's one of the reasons I get cross with people on here moaning about their inheritances.

@Dinoswearunderpants just to let you know, your DH needs to fill in the paperwork for this whilst he is still alive. You cannot do this once he has died.

DWP paid Dad his pension for a full month and now they're asking me (because I informed them of his death) for the overpayment back. It's about £150. I can't believe they're going after me for it.

If you told them and they continued to pay it- there’s nothing they can do. It’s their fault.

I think a lot of people don't know the full cost. I'm hoping this might help some people as I was so shocked.

I'm sorry. It's awful having to bare the debt as well as dealing with grief. There should be more assistance available for funerals.

Thank you. I didn't realise this. I just googled it and it seems he couldn't donate his organs if he wants this option. I think it will very much depend when it happens. I know he'd rather save lives with his organs if he can. I'll look into the paperwork, thank you.

Dad died on 18th month and his pension was paid 15th month.

@Dinoswearunderpants I'm sorry for your loss.

Your DH needs to look into that, as the scope for medical research is very limited and they have very set criteria on who they can accept and when. There are lots of causes of death which preclude acceptance. They also need him to organise it while he's with us - family can't make the donation without him having given consent. Essentially, he needs a back up plan.

https://www.hta.gov.uk/guidance-public/body-organ-and-tissue-donation/body-donation-medical-schools

Direct cremation is the cheapest option these days.

People should also know about a Public Health Funeral if they can't afford to pay - the council will pay for what's probably better known as a paupers funeral.

www.simplicity.co.uk/advice/paupers-funeral

Direct cremation is the way to go. I think you can still get it for under 1.5k. When I brought it up with my partner, he was horrified. He wants a "proper" funeral. So I told him he needs to start saving up because I am not interested in forking out for this.
Personally, I don't give a toss about what happens after I die. I'd rather my loved ones had a proper piss up with the leftover money so I am definitely going for direct cremation option.

Check out what whichever institution he would donate to does with remains afterwards. I know the university I work at returns them to the family for burial/cremation after they’ve been used for training medical students, so cost not affected.

Sounds awful OP. There should be cheaper options available. Cardboard coffin more than horrible MDF one? Crazy.

Sorry for your loss op.

YANBU regarding costs.

Wow - that's an obscene amount of money! I wonder if the fact that we don't talk about death, funerals, etc in this country means that the funeral business can get away with charging what they want. I'd heard that direct cremation has risen in popularity due to the cost of funerals, but £2000 isn't exactly cheap!

@Dinoswearunderpants Totally agree that dying is expensive (having had 4 first/second deg relatives die in the last few years, it costs a fortune and is exhausting). For clarity though, the £82 fee would have been for the cremation form 4 rather than the medical certification of death. The reason for that for attracting a fee is that it confirms that a) there is nothing that could harm either the crematorium staff/equipment and b) there's nothing that needs further consideration before cremation. There is no fee simply for certifying death and if someone has chosen burial rather than cremation then they don't need the form 4 completing.

Itbis expensive but that’s what funeral plans are for. Direct cremation is a lot cheaper. There is help available if there’s no money, the council will arrange a basic funeral. I don’t believe there should be further help available, there’s already help available and cheaper options but if people want a different or more expensive funeral then that’s up to them to pay.

I've paid for my funeral.. even if the costs go up.. it's gaurenteed to honor the costs.
My parents had life insurance and it more than covered theirs with money left over .
The wake is as expensive or as cheap as you want it to be.. ( can have it at home with tea and biscuits).
You have broken down the costs..
All my daughters need to do is phone one number and everything is taken care off.. except registering my death.
There is adverts on TV and the Internet about getting insurance or a funeral plan.
I'm so glad you have brought this to attention on here..
More people need to realise to put their finances and funeral costs into action
. Especially for their loved ones.
Remember with direct cremations.. no one attends and your loved ones might not like that.. it's not for everyone.

Wow I’m quite shocked at the cost it’s not something I’ve had to give thought to. it’s not like there are many places you can cut costs either, it’s not like you can transport a dead body yourself or make a diy coffin so you are at the mercy of the professionals.

Sorry for your loss OP I can see why the funeral process and costs must be galling.

Yes, it is expensive. Mum left money in her account for what she thought would cover it but it barely covered half. My brother and I went halves on the rest but I still had to use my credit card as more than I could take out of my current account.

@Dinoswearunderpants have a chat with your DH about what he really wants.

If it is to be useful does he want to be a tissue donor? Almost everyone can donate their corneas while very very few of us can be organ donors.

If it is medical research then he could consider a brain bank where everything is used for research.

If he is happy to be dissected by medical students then he can sign up to a medical school. He and you need to bear in mind they are very picky about who they accept, won't pick you up if you are far away and only make a final decision after death.

For the last 2 options he needs to have signed up with an institution before he dies.

When I discuss this with people who have said 'medical research ' they often change their minds for tissue donation as what they really want is to be useful.