AIBU to think death is expensive.

[Dinoswearunderpants]

I just still can’t get over the cost of death/funerals in this country.

My Dad recently passed away and I had to arrange everything. There was a small funeral plan (Sunlife who were horrific to deal with!) in place but there was still a few hundred pounds shortfall I paid. My dad honestly thought he had enough money to full pay for his funeral and a little left over. No other assets and sadly a few debts.

He died in the hospital (which I blame for his death but that’s another matter) and we had to pay £82 just for a doctor to declare him dead. That’s utter madness! That was an itemised item on the funeral home invoice.

To transfer him 10 mins from the hospital to the funeral home, £280. To get him dressed £200. We didn’t choose embalming or to view him but if we had wanted to, embalming would have been £200 and £50 for each viewing.

Dad said he wanted a cardboard box for his coffin as it was "going to get burnt anyways" (his words) those coffins cost way more than the MDF ones. The wicker ones started at £1500.

I feel like it’s all so expensive. The ‘professional fees’ for the funeral home were £1200. Everything else was charged separate. In total it cost £5,500. My poor dad was a pensioner on state pension, had bugger all to show for all his hard work. I wish he could have used that £5,500 to enjoy life a little more.

I’m not really sure of the purpose of this post but it’s also to maybe get people talking about death and funerals. A huge issue I had was his paperwork was all over the place. I only found the life insurance policy numbers from his direct debits. I’ve just bought an A-Z book so I can keep a list of all my important details such as pensions, life policies etc to try and make it easier to contact everyone in the event of my death.

Just to add even more issues, DWP paid Dad his pension for a full month and now they're asking me (because I informed them of his death) for the overpayment back. It's about £150. I can't believe they're going after me for it. He literally had zero money left after the funeral was paid. The money in his account (which included this pension payment) went straight to paying for his funeral.

Yep, it really is. My mum passed away last week and we had a meeting yesterday with the funeral directors. They've actually been fantastic and have been very clear about costs and what is included within their quote. Total quote is around £4.6k for a basic coffin, crematorium costs, a car and a hearse, order of service cards and their fees (including pallbearers). My mum also had a plan but there's no way they will pay up in time for her funeral. We'll probably hire a place for a gathering afterwards for afternoon tea with the extra cost for that.

The worst part was that her death was sudden and my siblings and I are having to second guess what she would have wanted. I've since had a conversation with my son about what I'd like when the time comes.

I also thought that wicker coffins would be cheaper but they're twice the price of a regular one!

My dad has just organised me d the direct cremation ones. He has never wanted a funeral, considers them to be a waste of money and stressful for the family. When he goes, his body will be collected and the ashes returned and that's how he wants it!

I loathe funeral plan adverts - they absolutely make me rage, guilt tripping elderly people into not doing anything that might be construed as a burden t their families, all the money grabbing from the kids, dressed up as concern. Theres no way to make this a wholesome happy family bonding moment - those ads are grotesque.

Not used pre-paid services but my family have used and while an expense not the prices quote here - and family were very pleased with the service they provided.

My ire more for people being informed of the death but not passing it on appropriately been a few upsetting episodes or everyone being so slow to process thing so 3 months after income/outcoming still isn't clear - lucky mum has savings to fall back on.

They were relatively sorted - DMum most running things last few years - I can't get DH to think about this sort of stuff at all.

The funeral industry is extremely exploitative - 90% of funeral homes are owned by 2 big conglomerates who tailor their pricing and services to use your grief to suck you dry.

I for one believe that it should be free of charge as it's related to public health. You don't pay to come into this world, why pay to leave it

My Mum wasn't initially going to do a funeral and Dad was so ill at end wasn't bothered - but in end she was glad she did.

It was an entire month after death which also hadn't expect it to be so long after.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your dad, Dinoswearunderpants, and quite agree a standard funeral's getting very expensive

That said some of your numbers were a surprise; for example I've never heard - at least in my own area - of being charged a separate fee for each viewing, and it's less than a year since I was last involved in this

I'm wondering if, with so many more now opting for direct cremation post-Covid, they're finding new ways to recoup some of the money?

Typo

Ok.
Well they’ll ask, they have to! It’s public funds they can’t just not bother.
But provided you’ve told them in advance and they’ve still paid it. Which should be rare since claims are suspended- then you don’t have to pay it back. Been there, done it. They cannot force you to pay it back. If it’s in an account you cannot access and you don’t physically have the money then nothing happens. They may not even be able to contact you.

They want the money back so aren’t going to imply you cannot pay- obviously.

It’s also worth noting that cremation has a pretty big carbon footprint (similar to driving 500 miles) it’s because of this that I’m hoping water cremation (alkaline hydrolysis) is more readily available in the UK when I go. It’s much better for the environment and expected to be similar cost to normal cremation.

Thank you for your insight into medical research, I'm glad your fathers wishes were met. My husband has spent many years teaching health care professionals and he would also like to donate his body to medical research so that he can carry on teaching.

We are going down the direct cremation route. Our parish priest will do a funeral with the ashes.

That's when it's worth buying a pre-paid funeral plan, ie when you go into a care home. That way your relatives can keep the full £23k and it can't be classed as deprivation of assets.

Info on the Co-op

Funeral Plans - Pre-paid Funeral Plans - Co-op Funeralcare (coop.co.uk)

It's not a payout to you. You're tied in to their (own or partner) funeral directors and they provide the services covered in the plan.

Depending on which plan, you might have to pay third-party fees (officiant, crem/burial fees) or third-party fees above a specified ceiling, but there are no further charges on the items in the plan (eg coffin, cars, and for the more expensive plans all third-party fees). They don't cover printing of orders of service, flowers or a burial plot (if the person chooses internment) but can probably help the bereaved to arrange those.

A word of warning about credit cards, my husband and I had joint bank accounts and I assumed that my credit card was mine and independent of his. However, I found out, that on his death, it was no longer valid as it was his name only on the credit card account.

I don’t know how costs compare now for funeral plans but my mum had one and it saved us a fortune. Purchased over 20 years ago for £800, she died a couple of years ago and we paid nothing to the funeral directors. The plan included all the minor details of what she wanted, such as coffin type, flowers etc, so we didn’t have to make any decisions either. We had a church service, cars and cremation all included. All we had to pay for was the wake.

My mum died last year and had a £3,500 "funeral plan fund" (probably same as you OP - one of these Sunlife over 50 ones). I ended up having to contribute about £6k to have a full funeral - Oak coffin, cars, church, flowers, burial (plot and gravestone), wake (location, food and drink)... Total came to around £10k.

Careful what you wish for - the NHS is free at the point of use, but maternity services are very very expensive the world over. Approx $30k to have a baby in a hospital if you don't have medical insurance....

There are still paupers funerals available if no one can or wants to pay.

Funerals are for the living not the dead.

The only upside to having both parents die in lockdowns 1&2 was the funeral bill was less that £6000 combined.

How much was the cover for?! My mums was £3,500 but that barely covered the coffin!

YANBU. I’ve literally just come back from
booking my Dad’s funeral - god how I hate typing those words. It’s a little over £4000 even with just the very basics. Sorry for your loss OP. It’s so hard isn’t it?

You don’t have to use funeral directors - the only requirement is that you dispose of the body appropriately. You could keep the person at home, buy a DIY coffin, take it to the crematorium in a van or estate car and do the ceremony yourself. If you want a cremation you’d still have to pay the fee for a certificate however (not the medical certificate of death, which is free), and pay the crematorium fee which is usually £8-900.

Most people don’t want to, or feel able to do this themselves however, in which case you’re going to have to pay someone for those bits you can’t do yourself. You don’t have to spend a fortune on the ’wake’, you could do your own flowers, you don’t need limousines as well as the hearse - your choice, but many people prefer to ‘outsource’ these elements.

Of course Funeral Directors are looking to make a profit, why wouldn’t they? So is your builder, hairdresser, gardener or accountant. But think about a few things: they have to have premises with cold storage, 24 hour access, and special waste disposal. They need to staff those premises and have staff on call 24 hours a day. You don’t want to ring up and hear ‘please ring back at 9 am’ if someone has died in the night.

Hearses are big expensive vehicles, yes they don’t have to be but it’s what most people expect. They need insurance and maintenance, as do the limos. Similarly, it’s not necessary for the staff to wear tailcoats, top hats etc but it’s what a lot of people expect to see; the uniforms aren’t cheap. It’s not a cheap business to run. Funeral industry staff are often on minimum wage - so yes, the big organisations have taken over, But that’s happened in many other industries. There are quite a lot of small independent funeral directors but they won’t necessarily be cheaper.

I’m not a funeral director by the way, but work in the industry.

There's two types.

Those that are essentially savings vehicles (more parsnips, June?) - where you get the dosh and then use that to pay for the funeral

And those where you choose the sort of service you want and purchase it and its accoutrements at today's prices (either straight up or in instalments) and then when the death occurs you get everything that's been paid for with no further charge. This is the sort where its important that your supplier isn't likely to go bust.

They pay the pension in advance so the payment was for the time starting on the 15th - sadly he did not live for the whole of the period they paid it for so they ask for the part back that covered after he died. I had the same problem with my mum but she had hers paid every 3 months and I had to pay back a lot more

I had similar after my DH died. I paid it back, but someone told me later than if I hadn’t, they would not have pursued me a second time. Just tell them it’s been spent as his estate was very small, and it all went on the funeral.

@Dinoswearunderpants my dad donated his body to science. The university cremated him after. I was very young so not sure about the details. I'm guessing the uni also paid for his transfer there? I think you maybe got a small amount of information as to what the person was used for as my mum seems to know a bit.

I'm wishing for state-funded body disposal, not sure why that would mean charging for births.

I agree that funerals are for the living. But body disposal is for everyone, that part should be free for all - even if there is someone living to pay for it. The council funds it for under 18s already.