AIBU to think death is expensive.

[Dinoswearunderpants]

I just still can’t get over the cost of death/funerals in this country.

My Dad recently passed away and I had to arrange everything. There was a small funeral plan (Sunlife who were horrific to deal with!) in place but there was still a few hundred pounds shortfall I paid. My dad honestly thought he had enough money to full pay for his funeral and a little left over. No other assets and sadly a few debts.

He died in the hospital (which I blame for his death but that’s another matter) and we had to pay £82 just for a doctor to declare him dead. That’s utter madness! That was an itemised item on the funeral home invoice.

To transfer him 10 mins from the hospital to the funeral home, £280. To get him dressed £200. We didn’t choose embalming or to view him but if we had wanted to, embalming would have been £200 and £50 for each viewing.

Dad said he wanted a cardboard box for his coffin as it was "going to get burnt anyways" (his words) those coffins cost way more than the MDF ones. The wicker ones started at £1500.

I feel like it’s all so expensive. The ‘professional fees’ for the funeral home were £1200. Everything else was charged separate. In total it cost £5,500. My poor dad was a pensioner on state pension, had bugger all to show for all his hard work. I wish he could have used that £5,500 to enjoy life a little more.

I’m not really sure of the purpose of this post but it’s also to maybe get people talking about death and funerals. A huge issue I had was his paperwork was all over the place. I only found the life insurance policy numbers from his direct debits. I’ve just bought an A-Z book so I can keep a list of all my important details such as pensions, life policies etc to try and make it easier to contact everyone in the event of my death.

Just to add even more issues, DWP paid Dad his pension for a full month and now they're asking me (because I informed them of his death) for the overpayment back. It's about £150. I can't believe they're going after me for it. He literally had zero money left after the funeral was paid. The money in his account (which included this pension payment) went straight to paying for his funeral.

I have no idea the ins and outs as it was a neighbour but a family member of mine helped place him in the coffin and bury him. He was called upon when the time came and went over to helps. This is Scottish crofters so perhaps they didn’t follow the rules but it certainly took place. I will ask my relative when I next see him but he is retired police so I imagine he is familiar with the laws.

I’m 28 and have just had all this to deal with too. My poor mum was 57 and had no estate and she had learning disabilities and I’d always say to her to sort something but she always said she wasn’t going anywhere yet, unfortunately she did with a sudden spontaneous brain haemorrhage.

the funeral directors couldn’t have been more brilliant though. I’m a nurse and you only need to pay the £82 if the deceased is going to be cremated. I asked a doctor at work and he said it’s because the doctor themselves can be held liable and their registration is at risk as they have to confirm in no uncertain terms that the cause of death is 110% the cause of death as unlike burial, once they’ve given the paperwork for cremation, that the body can’t be exhumed if it’s later disputed.

fortunately I had a distant relative who paid for my mums funeral but we kept it basic due to lack of funds, my mum had no estate and the funeral director controlled all of their costs. I think we paid £4500 and they only charged us the unattended price rather than attended but we did attend as the funeral director was empathetic with my situation and said no one in their 20s should have been dealing with it all alone. About £3000 of that cost was costs they couldn’t control which was the councils plot, digging and burial costs. We held the service at the funeral home which was capped at 20 and they swapped their basic coffin to a lovely lighter coloured coffin at no extra cost and also provided me with a temporary grave marker which is a big wooden cross that they’d normally charge for at no extra cost, and even said in the years it takes me to save for the headstone that they’ll go to the cemetery and replace if needed. They couldn’t have done more for me at such a difficult time. I also opted out of embalming as it wasn’t needed and they explained it’s only needed if relatives are coming from afar etc and can’t visit in the first days after death and I decided not to view as I’d been with my mum when she died in the hospice

Mercury, so sorry for your loss and I'm glad the undertakers were so good, I think they're getting a bad rap here but I believe the majority want to be fair and do a good job

I have no idea the ins and outs as it was a neighbour but a family member of mine helped place him in the coffin and bury him. He was called upon when the time came and went over to helps. This is Scottish crofters so perhaps they didn’t follow the rules but it certainly took place. I will ask my relative when I next see him but he is retired police so I imagine he is familiar with the laws.

Ah maybe the rules are different in Scotland.

So sorry for your loss.
How does it work if no one can pay? Or doesn’t want to pay? I think my parents have provision for their death but we are estranged. Should there be a short fall surely they can’t expect this is picked up by family?!

I bought one Bitcoin yonks ago to "pay for my funeral". Obviously it has gone up a lot more, but maybe that is a way to go for people? Spend x number of sats on your funeral and just see how much it is worth when you die?

State funerals, the state does it by the cheapest option, usually cremation and it’s unattended

I have buried 2 relatives in the last 5 years.

First died in a hospice. We brought them home on a stretcher in the back of an estate car with shades on the windows.
We washed and dressed them at the hospice before bringing home.
Weather was cold and we got an appointment to register the death 4 days later
They were buried in a shroud of Thier favourite colour in a grave we dug on our own land.
The only costs incurred were a few copies of the death certificate and £200 for food and drink for the wake.

2nd relative died at home of a terminal illness but as the GP hadn't seen them in the last 28 days it was referred to the coroner to decide if a post mortem was required.
It was summer and warm, so we enlisted the help of a funeral director to hold the body in cold storage.

We washed and dressed them before transporting to the funeral home and collected them once the coroner approved the burial (which took 10 days due to a backlog, but no pm required)

Cost incurred were as per relative 1 plus £150 storage fee to the funeral home

I fully understand it's not for everyone as I said before, but we had 2 beautiful, respectful burials with very little cost.

In addition, we can do what we like with the grave sites.

Both have flowers and a tree planted which were favourites if the deceased and 1 has a wind chime

Be aware if you bury someone in a garden, it will devalue your house. So it will cost you a fair bit in the end. This option is best for those with land, not just a garden.

I haven't RTFT, so maybe people have suggested lots already, but there are things you can do to make it cheaper:

• Celebration of Life do direct cremations for £895 or £995 with ashes delivery
• Simplicity Cremations same as above but offer an attended version of direct cremation, think it's around £1400
• You don't have to use a funeral director, you're allowed to buy a cheap coffin from Amazon and go and collect the body from the hospital (assuming they died in hospital) yourself if you have a suitable vehicle.
• You can organise a cremation or burial directly with the crematorium or cemetery to cut costs.
• You can bury on private land if you're lucky enough to own some.

Google DIY funerals and natural death centre for more on DIY funerals.