AIBU to think death is expensive.

[Dinoswearunderpants]

I just still can’t get over the cost of death/funerals in this country.

My Dad recently passed away and I had to arrange everything. There was a small funeral plan (Sunlife who were horrific to deal with!) in place but there was still a few hundred pounds shortfall I paid. My dad honestly thought he had enough money to full pay for his funeral and a little left over. No other assets and sadly a few debts.

He died in the hospital (which I blame for his death but that’s another matter) and we had to pay £82 just for a doctor to declare him dead. That’s utter madness! That was an itemised item on the funeral home invoice.

To transfer him 10 mins from the hospital to the funeral home, £280. To get him dressed £200. We didn’t choose embalming or to view him but if we had wanted to, embalming would have been £200 and £50 for each viewing.

Dad said he wanted a cardboard box for his coffin as it was "going to get burnt anyways" (his words) those coffins cost way more than the MDF ones. The wicker ones started at £1500.

I feel like it’s all so expensive. The ‘professional fees’ for the funeral home were £1200. Everything else was charged separate. In total it cost £5,500. My poor dad was a pensioner on state pension, had bugger all to show for all his hard work. I wish he could have used that £5,500 to enjoy life a little more.

I’m not really sure of the purpose of this post but it’s also to maybe get people talking about death and funerals. A huge issue I had was his paperwork was all over the place. I only found the life insurance policy numbers from his direct debits. I’ve just bought an A-Z book so I can keep a list of all my important details such as pensions, life policies etc to try and make it easier to contact everyone in the event of my death.

Just to add even more issues, DWP paid Dad his pension for a full month and now they're asking me (because I informed them of his death) for the overpayment back. It's about £150. I can't believe they're going after me for it. He literally had zero money left after the funeral was paid. The money in his account (which included this pension payment) went straight to paying for his funeral.

@Dinoswearunderpants I am sorry for your loss and agree it is a very expensive and difficult time.

I suppose there is an 'advantage' in not having any relatives who will be bothered enough to bury me!

If you husband wants to do this he needs to contact his nearest medical school and make the arrangements now. They can only accept donations under certain circumstances.

Yes they will cremate his body at the end and there will be a funeral / memorial service with the medical / dental students to which families are invited.

Also, am I missing something or are 'guaranteed over-50s plans' basically a euphemism for 'funeral plans'?

That perpetually bewildered man in the 'It's June, Dad' adverts has just started saying in the new ad that he has 'a couple' of plans. Is he planning on dying twice - or did he decide that he wanted a fancier funeral than he originally budgeted for?!

I don't think it's quite as simple as that. They don't just take any body

Not necessarily. Our medical school returns bodies to the next of kin after the academic year.

Also you have to be near a medical school as they won’t pay for transport from anywhere and everywhere. A friend’s husband had done this and then died miles away from home and it was a nightmare getting the body to the med school as they have to be there within a certain number of hours. They made it with literally only an hour or so of acceptance time left.

They are insurance policies that pay out a specific sum of money that can be used for a funeral. If your loved one has a plan (eg sun Life) you can ask the funeral director to deal with them direct to get payment for the funeral. If there's any money left over it will go to the beneficiary.

If there's no money in the estate and the cant/don't want to pay, just inform the council and they will cremate the remains

You also have to hope you don't die at Christmas or Easter, as all the schools close for a period and they won't accept bodies.

Funeral directors are vultures. I despise them. Each and every one of them.
The c*s know they're exploiting people.
And no calling them that is not too strong a word.

As for funerals themselves bringing closure, I think this is pile of horse dung (I've never got closure from them).
Grief doesn't go just because you've had the funeral, closure is just a stupid American concept that things like grief can be over and done with just because x, y and z have happened.

Dhs DC was under a £1k 18m ago.

It has always been expensive to die. That's why we have had paupers graves and state funding for dealing with deceased people. Also, it was traditionally a huge worry for older people that they had enough put buy to have a decent burial without being a burden.
But it is unreasonable to say that funeral services are a rip off. Compare them to any other professional costs and they in the same region. Any legal cost to get estates sorted, costs in closing accounts, sorting out services, etc etc. It goes on. You are right though that it is expensive and if you are a fixed income it can be a huge burden on the family. There are saving plans that can help with costs.

The Co-op does good prepayment plans, and are very clear about what's included at each price point.

Flowers and orders of service are always extras.

If you pay by instalments, if you die with 12 months from an accident, or after 12 months from any cause, it pays in full (even if you haven't finished paying for it, so that's a form of insurance)

And I don't think the Co-op is likely to go bust. Plan prices from £1350 to £4210.

There have been a lot of chains moving in to the undertaking business (often keeping the previous business name), so always check who owns it. The remaining individual (or 2-3 local branch) firms, often still owned by families, provide excellent service as it's still a vocation for them. But there aren't many left.

@Dinoswearunderpants Yes, this is crucial. Also, don't 'rely' on this as a way of avoiding payment. There are many reasons why they cannot accept bodies (cause of death, bank holiday weekend timescales, already enough bodies etc - surprisingly). My Partner did this (preplanned) but it still took a lot of 'processing' for me afterwards.

I don’t understand why you had to pay the dr to certify death - we didn’t.

My relative died recently and although she had money she went for a direct cremation and no wake either. Some of us were upset not to have had an opportunity to celebrate her life with her other family and friends (although some of us did meet up in a pub for a few drinks). I’ll definitely be putting some money aside for a proper funeral if I can.

That's just reminded me, they wrote to me asking for the overpayment back and I never replied. That was November 2019, never heard since but suppose Covid happened.

But it's not your debt, it's the estate's. If the money has just been paid to the person who has died it will be in their bank account. If the estate has nothing they can't get it back. There's no consequence to you of not paying it. If you are administering the estate and there are funds and you to use the money for something else then they may have a case.

Very interesting reading

I do want a memorial service in my church and a wake, so will save for those; but thinking of going direct cremation for the actual funeral bit now.

So sorry for your loss, OP.

I agree with you about the expense. It's mad. My mum died a couple of years ago and I was genuinely shocked how much more her funeral cost than my grandparents' did about 20 years earlier. It was something like four times as much.

@Dinoswearunderpants - I’m sorry for your loss.

I am realising this is why you are allowed to have £23k. when the state takes over paying for your care home - let You keep enough to pay for your funeral.

True enough!
I'm reading this & thinking I need to purchase a Funeral Plan. I'm only 56, & good health but both my YP are ASD & couldn't deal with this easily at all.
ExH wouldn't help & no wider family.
Is the Co-Op the safest bet for quick & helpful payout? I would leave enough cash hopefully but they'd need someone to guide them through even if just a basic cremation.

I think that as soon as you use the word 'funeral' things become much more expensive - in the same way as when you use 'wedding'.

My beloved Mum passed away last year. We had family flowers and donations to charity for others asking. The flowers were one floral cross (my Dad's choice) and one arrangement from my sibling and myself. The cost for the flowers was £300.

My Mum used to be a florist (which is why we wanted some flowers as she loved them) and often did wedding and funeral flowers for people in the 1970s & 80s... she would have been flabbergasted by the cost now!

My neighbour has just pre paid for Direct Cremation with the Coop,£1,600.She was told it is becoming more popular.

That's what my dad has done except I think it's a set sum
About 10k and I get anything left