AIBU to think death is expensive.

[Dinoswearunderpants]

I just still can’t get over the cost of death/funerals in this country.

My Dad recently passed away and I had to arrange everything. There was a small funeral plan (Sunlife who were horrific to deal with!) in place but there was still a few hundred pounds shortfall I paid. My dad honestly thought he had enough money to full pay for his funeral and a little left over. No other assets and sadly a few debts.

He died in the hospital (which I blame for his death but that’s another matter) and we had to pay £82 just for a doctor to declare him dead. That’s utter madness! That was an itemised item on the funeral home invoice.

To transfer him 10 mins from the hospital to the funeral home, £280. To get him dressed £200. We didn’t choose embalming or to view him but if we had wanted to, embalming would have been £200 and £50 for each viewing.

Dad said he wanted a cardboard box for his coffin as it was "going to get burnt anyways" (his words) those coffins cost way more than the MDF ones. The wicker ones started at £1500.

I feel like it’s all so expensive. The ‘professional fees’ for the funeral home were £1200. Everything else was charged separate. In total it cost £5,500. My poor dad was a pensioner on state pension, had bugger all to show for all his hard work. I wish he could have used that £5,500 to enjoy life a little more.

I’m not really sure of the purpose of this post but it’s also to maybe get people talking about death and funerals. A huge issue I had was his paperwork was all over the place. I only found the life insurance policy numbers from his direct debits. I’ve just bought an A-Z book so I can keep a list of all my important details such as pensions, life policies etc to try and make it easier to contact everyone in the event of my death.

Just to add even more issues, DWP paid Dad his pension for a full month and now they're asking me (because I informed them of his death) for the overpayment back. It's about £150. I can't believe they're going after me for it. He literally had zero money left after the funeral was paid. The money in his account (which included this pension payment) went straight to paying for his funeral.

It's not what funeral plans for though. Funeral plans are just there for providers to make money and they usually work out even more expensive and don't always pay out if you die before finishing the payments. Saving up a lump sum is usually cheaper.

Few places take bodies for research now as most teaching post-mortems/dissection lessons, are done via e-learning
So, it's a wonderful thing to do, but you need to sort well in advance

You could be right.

When Dad died, I didn't think to call around and ask for funeral quotes. I simply went with a local high street one but I do wonder if other firms were 'cheaper'.

I am sorry for your loss op. Years ago I think there was some kind of death benefit people could claim to help with the expenses of a death. I think it used to be around £1000. I have absolutely no idea if any such benefit still exists, who could claim it or, if it's still around, how to do so. Might be worth looking up death benefit on Government site ...or others on here might have some idea if this benefit still exists (or if it's a figment if my imagination) If I had time today I would look it up myself today but have a long day of commitments. It's a hard expense for some at a difficult time. Hope this benefit is around and that you could access it. 💐

Remember with direct cremations.. no one attends and your loved ones might not like that.. it's not for everyone.

@IWantToBeASleepingCat they are dead though... I doubt they will have an opinion during the event.

Certainly our medical school isn’t currently accepting any donations, as they have enough for now.

I suppose the question is how many of these things can be skipped or done yourself? Or is it that if you want any service at all, you're locked in to a number of others? The bereaved may well be able to dress the deceased themselves or, depending on where the person dies, transport them to the funeral home, but won't be able to embalm them themselves. From your description, coffins sound compulsory.

I think it is very expensive in this country. In my home country, not only is it cheaper, but the equivalent of NI covers up to a certain sum, so there's some support.

My mum paid in advance for her funeral and the only additional thing we had to pay for was a family car.
My grandad died in 1973 funeral cost £173
My dad died in 2008 funeral cost £1700
Mum died in 2009 funeral cost £3700.

Hopefully my husband and I will live a long healthy life but if we do the funeral could end up costing about £8000 and we'd be paying that out of our pension or leaving our son to pay it.
We decided to pay up front. I think you have to be over 50 to do this but both our funerals are paid for. They give you a breakdown of what is and isn't included and yes embalming isn't but neither of us want that. We also haven't included a family car . We were able to pay for it monthly over a couple of years. It's held in a separate trust so it's protected even if the company goes bust.

I went to a presentation by a funeral director who was clear that coffins were essential but everything else was just family choice.

This is upsetting, I am sorry op and it is not something I'd thought about so thank you.

Can I ask a sensitive but sad question - we have life insurance, does that cover funeral costs? Or should I get funeral insurance? Or just try to save money for it? I am 44 and tbh I don't think I could maintain a 'funeral fund' so maybe insurance is better?

My parents have a funeral plan and it is agreed that if they ever struggle to pay for it we will take the payments over as that would be best overall. My only sibling has a life limiting illness, no partner and we have savings put aside specifically to cover the cost of their funeral when it is needed, hopefully not for a long time yet, same with my parents.

I see that these pure cremation plans are more and more popular and I think cost must be a big factor. I just don't know. In a sense when the person is dead they are no longer there and the body is just a shell but I think that by doing away with a formal funeral it does feel like death is brushed under the carpet a bit. It is good for us to be able to say a formal public goodbye and to acknowledge death and loss of life as a part of our existence in some kind of formal way which has been part of human culture since forever.

I suppose it is also fair that the people who deal with us in that time, hopefully highly trained and experienced people doing a job not everyone could be well paid for it and to do it all with the dignity we would hope for doesn't come cheap.

I think we all need to think about what matter to us and the people we are closest to and then make plans accordingly to make things as easy as we can for them when we go.

YABU. If you want people's professional services, you have to pay for them. Two doctors need to certify death, taking time from their other duties - of course they should be paid.
I know from experience that a good funeral director is worth their weight in gold, can guide you through the whole process and remove all the stress.
And you do still have the option of a direct cremation, which will be a bit cheaper.

But the body will be at the funeral director's and I'm pretty sure they wouldn't just allow the deceased's family to go into the back areas of the funeral home and dress their loved one. Plus, I'm guessing it's not that easy to dress a corpse.

I remember watching a series on US TV about 15 years ago about a funeral home in California and it was very eye-opening what goes on behind the scenes - how the mortician prepares the body for burial, cleans them, dresses them, etc.

I think the thing you can save money on is the wake. Renting a church hall is usually very inexpensive, or using your own home/garden. Depends on the size of the event, I suppose. The most recent funeral I went to was attended by about 200 people and the wake must've set the family back a lot of money, because it wasn't just tea and biscuits, it was alcohol and food, etc.

Who is dealing with your father’s estate? Send the DWP demand there and they ei dem won’t it u demotivate, usually if there are no funds left they tell them that and that’s it. They are contacting you I the hope you will pay but it should be dealt with by the executor of his estate.

The back of every funeral directors I've been to has been very different to the viewing room at the front.

Varies from kind of clinical looking to outright shockingly run down.

Do you honestly think the people who move the bodies are getting that money? Of course not, they're likely on just above minimum wage. It's the funeral home owners who are the ones racking it in.

I’ve just bought an A-Z book so I can keep a list of all my important details such as pensions, life policies etc to try and make it easier to contact everyone in the event of my death.
I too have done this.

We recently had a direct cremation for a loved one and that was £1,800 which I thought was expensive, but no separate Drs fees, so at least that covered everything. We just weren’t in a position to have a funeral, I’m so sad about it now, and I know many friends and loved ones wanted to give them a send off. A good send off really does help with the grieving process.

It's weird, isn't it? One of the significant large purchases that you will make in life, and comparing costs of different providers is so awkward, although theoretically very feasible.

As was said upthread, there's potentially a fine line for the undertakers to tread - in that, if they mention the costs of all options as they go, it seems a little crass and disrespectful; but if they don't, people will later see the bill and accuse them of cashing in on the sly wherever they possibly can.

Then again, a lot of the costs are fixed or vary little - especially those of third parties that they settle on your behalf. It's not really like a wedding, where the basic essentials only cost a couple of hundred quid and then you can spend another £1k/£20K/£50K/£100K on top to personalise it however you like (or not).

I do think it's a bit suspicious how little the prices of different coffins vary, though. Even the very cheapest of materials will often only cost maybe 20-30% less than solid oak. Possibly because the cheap coffins are also made by the same companies who make the no-expenses-spared ones, and they don't want to do themselves out of earnings?!

@Dinoswearunderpants

I'm gobsmacked that you were charged £50 to view.

My wife passed away in January and I was told as long as I gave them notice I could visit and sit with my wife as often, and for as long, as I wanted.

The notice was so they could move my wife into a small chapel of rest. Very peaceful.

And I won't ever buy a funeral plan. I know the regulations are changing but too many companies have gone bust and that money is gone. I've set aside a separate bank account with much more than will be needed (I want basics).

This is the other side of the coin, I think. Undertakers (the honourable ones) don't want to leave you in hardship or feeling rinsed by only giving you the basics; but equally, they will know that those who can (somehow) afford it will want all of the special expensive options as a last tribute to their loved one, knowing that it's a one-off opportunity that they will get

Sorry, it should be dealt with under probate. I can’t edit.

Sorry for your loss, op.

For your DH, this article explains the process to donate your body. The great cadaver shortage: inside doctors’ latest crisis

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/1890fd36-ac4c-45ac-9e98-4972fd3eb651?shareToken=e0882b2209ba523fcc3ec33298b89f20

It needs to be set up by your DH while he is alive.

The DWP won't pursue you for the money. I had the exact same thing happen when my Dad died. I phoned them and told them there was no money left in his estate and that was that. They were very helpful. I believe if you ignore the letter, then they don't chase it up, I'm pretty sure the letter was actually even worded to that effect, but I forget now.

I hope that helps x

There are a lot of burdens we take on in life.

When I die that's someone else's problem.

It doesn't have to be. I've paid £1200 to have a direct cremation.