Bit out of order?

[parentfodder]

We have arranged to go see pil on Father's Day. We live an hour away.

Sil messaged to say she is planning to take pil out for a meal on Father's Day so let her know if we want to come. So basically we either go out for a meal or leave when they do?

Given pil had already arranged to see us I feel they shouldn't have accepted sils offer as they had plans. We will get there 11ish and I think they will do a late lunch so 2/3ish. We had intended to stay until 4ish.

No we were invited

Thanks ☺️

Died in 2019.

Sorry to hear. Did you also see him on father's day with your dc and sen kids?

@AngelicPeace you mean before he died? Sometime yes if we could.

yes. of course.

you did -thank you for answering.

So what if their other child lives nearby and sees them all the time...it's Fathers Day. It's not unreasonable for them to want to spend time with both of their children during Fathers Day. It's not an average Sunday. What is the problem here? You either leave a little earlier than planned or you go eat with them. Since it's Fathers Day, I think expecting them to feed you isn't necessarily reasonable.

I'm almost starting to develop a twitch at the number of people unable to properly read at least the OP's posts; if not the whole thread 😫
OP you've been a patient saint on this thread, I hope you had a nice day

We were invited for food as was sil and bil. That part stil happened

Some things that people become upset over is just laughable

🙄

Obviously before he died, what a very strange thing to ask.
What else could AngelicPeace have meant?

This response alone shows what a tetchy, self absorbed person you are.

I'm wondering if Father's Day had landed on a Sunday where you and your husband were working, what efforts would you have made to spend time with your husband's dad?
I already know the answer - You wouldn't have seen him, even for a minute. Which you, your husband and children would all have been fine about.
You've come on Mumsnet and wanted strangers to say how horrible your sister in law is for wanting to treat her dad, when that simply isn't true.

Thanks. I'm not taking it too seriously. I'm fairly certain most people would be put out if they made plans as a family and last minute the plans changed meaning they couldn't go or have to leave early.

I think I wasn't clear enough in the first post so people have fixated on the wrong things. Then because the thread took off it became like Chinese whispers.

@AbbyBradley it confused me as it was written in present tense not past tense so I wondered if poster had misunderstood or was asking do we go to visit his grave on Father's Day. I was just clarifying to make sure i answered the question correctly.

We generally see parents on fathers/Mother's Day if we can like most people I imagine? Sometimes work gets in the way. We didn't see mil on Mother's Day as they were on holiday.

The day was about getting together as a family and making sure both the fathers there had a nice day.

Do you have a dad, did you spend Father's Day with him?

what do they do when they go to work then? I couldn’t imagine having to make others lives awkward because I tow my dog everywhere with me. Let them out/walk them before you leave make sure they have fresh water and food and then let them out as soon as your back. I leave the tv on for mine otherwise every noise he barks.

You’re being more than unreasonable. It’s not like they didn’t invite you for lunch. Don’t be so miserable and realise the day isn’t about you. Honestly you sound like you’re 5.

@AgileMentor we work shifts so usually one of us is there. But we have a dog walker come twice a week too. But no I don't leave my dogs for 7 hours, I hope nobody does.

Sounds a bit like you don't want to share them. Get over it. They probably like all of you and want to see all of you and why wouldn't you want to see other nearby family at the same time.

Ok this changes it. If he invited you to go over for that amount of time and your updates state you have SEN children that would make it difficult for you to go out for food . That makes a difference .

I understand your SIL wanting to do something with her father and him wanting to go for a meal but this should have been more thought out on her part . Maybe a text to say - “ would you mind visiting until around 2 then I’m taking him out , you are welcome to come but I understand it’s difficult for you so I understand if you don’t “

In future , I would maybe say “ do you have any other plans , we can work around them “ . If there are plans that are not possible for you to join in with then you make that day special for your DH and say you will see his father at another time. X

No, I didn't spend father's Day with my father. He's dead.

If the day was all about getting together as a family, then why are you acting and speaking so spitefully about your sister in law wanting to spend time with her father?
Or do you not see her as part of the family?

If you generally see your in laws on mothers/fathers day then that's a fair bit of luck you have with your shifts, considering you only have one weekend a month off together.
Plus you've got to see your own mother on mothers day - if she's still alive that is.
Mustn't forget about her, I'm sure she must look forward to seeing you and your children and your dogs but not at weekends of course because every free weekend is spent being treated to lunch by your in laws.

It's plain to see, from what you've said in your comments, that you don't like your sister in law very much but try and rise above it.
If you keep acting petulantly, because it coincides with your visits, whenever she'd like to see her parents at the weekend she'll begin to notice and so will her parents and that'll just get so awkward for everybody.
They may start seeing you in a different light and that'd cause awkwardness.

Ps - "Did you also see him on father's Day with your dc and sen kids?" .... Is not present tense.... "Do you also see him etc etc?".... That's present tense.