Page 4 | Bit out of order?

parentfodder · 2024-06-12T07:47:41+00:00

We have arranged to go see pil on Father's Day. We live an hour away. Sil messaged to say she is planning to take pil out for a meal on Father's Day so let her know if we want to come. So basically we either go out for a meal or leave when they do? Given pil had already arranged to see us I feel they shouldn't have accepted sils offer as they had plans. We will get there 11ish and I think they will do a late lunch so 2/3ish. We had intended to stay until 4ish.

Original poster

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 12:49

ShowerOfShites · 12/06/2024 11:45

Dh could go but that would mean taking two cars. I don't think he will if we all can't go.

Christ, so he’s mega rigid too?

At least your SIL is actually planning to treat her dad, rather than visiting and expecting lunch to be provided.

No he just wants to spend his Father's Day with his kids?

OP posts:

betterangels · 12/06/2024 12:50

I think your husband should go to the lunch tbh, even if that means taking two cars.

FuzzyStripes · 12/06/2024 12:50

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 09:38

Usually when we visit they cook or provide sandwiches etc but we clean up (regardless of day)

It’s Father’s Day so understandably he probably wants the recognition of this and to have something nicer to eat than what he usually has at home.

Original poster

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 12:53

Heronwatcher · 12/06/2024 11:42

I don’t think you’re thinking about your PIL here you’re thinking about what works for you. As others have said, isn’t it nice for him to see all of his kids? And go out for lunch rather than him having to host? I really don’t think your dog should come into the equation! If it does, couldn’t you walk the dog near to the pub whilst the others eat?

If lunch really won’t work why don’t you bring your visit forward to morning coffee and then do something else with your DP and kids in the afternoon.

I do understand that it’s difficult with SEN kids but surely your PIL can’t always be expected to make plans with that at the forefront of their minds. And I think you might find it easier if you try to develop a slightly thicker skin TBH, having SEN kids just means that you might have to adjust plans a bit more often, there’s just no way around it.

Well I would be less than keen on walking 2 labs up and down for a couple of hours out side a pub while dh battles with three kids, two with significant Sen who would be overwhelmed and struggling. I can't see anyone enjoying that.

Whilst we (selfishly) wanted the day with them. I can concede it's nicer for pil to be treated to lunch . Hence why I've said we will go as planned and leave early. So we get to see them and sil gets her meal out.

OP posts:

Maddy70 · 12/06/2024 12:56

So you go to your dads and then go to for lunch from there. Your sister wants to see her dad too

Blarneytalk · 12/06/2024 12:57

@parentfodder oh course it's going to be nicer for your FIL to go for a meal, more relaxing.

Your family,although not your fault sound very full on, 3 kids and 2 big dogs is a lot!

Visit for a couple of hours and then go home.

Original poster

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 12:58

mrsm43s · 12/06/2024 12:45

Gosh, how unreasonable of PIL not to make father's day all about you and your family! Do they not realise it's your special day...oh hang on!

You are so ridiculously rigid. There are so many things you could do to make this work, but you won't compromise at all.

For example - leave the dogs behind and children will be fine in a restaurant (perhaps liaise with SIL to ensure a fairly family friendly restaurant is picked). Two parents should be able to entertain the children adequately.

Or, go earlier in the morning so that you still have your full 5 hours but from 9-2 rather than 11-4.

Maybe PILs don't want to walk your dogs or just hang out at their place entertaining you and feeding you? Maybe they'd prefer to be treated to a meal out?

The children will not be fine in the restaurant. Child friendly or otherwise. And having two struggling children at fils father day meal will not be enjoyable for him.

We could leave the dogs behind but it's not really necessary as we don't plan to attend the meal so they might as well come and enjoy the walk.

Pil have dogs too, they love to walk and would be talking theirs out anyway.

Earlier is an option if pil are happy with that. We said 11 so they could have a leisurely start to the day but they would probably be fine with 10.

OP posts:

Original poster

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 12:58

Blarneytalk · 12/06/2024 12:57

@parentfodder oh course it's going to be nicer for your FIL to go for a meal, more relaxing.

Your family,although not your fault sound very full on, 3 kids and 2 big dogs is a lot!

Visit for a couple of hours and then go home.

Yes I agree

OP posts:

Original poster

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 13:00

Meetingofminds · 12/06/2024 12:39

Ask sil to choose somewhere with outside space so your children can relax.

😂 good one

OP posts:

Roundroundthegarden · 12/06/2024 13:03

determinedtomakethiswork · 12/06/2024 09:58

If you have children with special needs and you don't want to take them to a restaurant then I think your sister-in-law is being very unfair. She's cutting short your visit. Could you go on Saturday instead?

Oh yes she's so unfair wanting to treat her own father. How ridiculous of her. And how awful of the PIL wanting to be treated and not sit around making sandwiches!

Quittingwifework · 12/06/2024 13:07

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 12:58

The children will not be fine in the restaurant. Child friendly or otherwise. And having two struggling children at fils father day meal will not be enjoyable for him.

We could leave the dogs behind but it's not really necessary as we don't plan to attend the meal so they might as well come and enjoy the walk.

Pil have dogs too, they love to walk and would be talking theirs out anyway.

Earlier is an option if pil are happy with that. We said 11 so they could have a leisurely start to the day but they would probably be fine with 10.

Show quote history

I am speechless at someone telling you that your children with special needs will be fine in a restaurant - how could
they possibly know?

I think given the context and plans made with you first, it would have been nicer for your pil to arrange late lunch/earlier dinner. They had a prior commitment. “Son is coming round 11/4 so I can go out after that” would have been simple.

WitchyWay · 12/06/2024 13:10

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 12:49

No he just wants to spend his Father's Day with his kids?

Show quote history

Really though? I mean, my ideal mothers day is away from my young kids who, whilst I love them to pieces, are loud, self-absorbed (naturally) and demanding! My perfect treat is to be away from them for the day!

In your shoes, I would go at 11, spend a few hours together. Then, when they head off for lunch (your husband in his dad's car) you can stay at home with the kids and dog. Then when they get back, you all go home?

That way both fathers get a good rest away from the kids and you still get to see everyone.

betterangels · 12/06/2024 13:10

I think given the context and plans made with you first, it would have been nicer for your pil to arrange late lunch/earlier dinner. They had a prior commitment. “Son is coming round 11/4 so I can go out after that” would have been simple.

I think PIL don't want to make lunch when they can be treated to a meal on Father's Day, which seems fair. Even the OP agrees with that.

Bestyearever2024 · 12/06/2024 13:13

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 09:47

I get it's nicer for pil you're all right.

I don't think it's going to work for us with Sen kids and dogs but I appreciate that's not sils or pils problem. We will just leave earlier than planned.

I guess I feel irked that sil sees them every day whereas we see them roughly every month due to work and family stuff but I appreciate it's her day with her dad too

If you can't go out to eat at lunchtime, suggest SIL takes PIL out for an early dinner. You'll have left by then

ForeveraBluebird · 12/06/2024 13:15

Sounds like a good plan, go earlier, have a nice visit , then either your h goes out with them for awhile or you all head home , stopping somewhere nice on the way.

HeHeHeDidIt · 12/06/2024 13:21

I don’t think you’re thinking about your PIL here you’re thinking about what works for you.

This.
5 hours stuck in the house with kids and dogs is not much of a Father’s Day. I’m sure he jumped at the chance of being taken out to lunch!
I live an hour away from family, I also have SEN DC, and a dog, no way would I land on DP for that amount of time, and definitely not on a celebration day.

AmelieTaylor · 12/06/2024 13:25

@parentfodder

why can't SIL take him out for dinner instead, have you asked?

you could take a light lunch, so there's no preparing or cleaning up.

Do what you were going to do, then they can do dinner with SIL?

Seems an obvious solution.

Londonrach1 · 12/06/2024 13:28

How lovely, all of you go out together. Great idea of sil and nicer than your pil catering for you. Yabu

BlueMum16 · 12/06/2024 13:39

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 12:58

The children will not be fine in the restaurant. Child friendly or otherwise. And having two struggling children at fils father day meal will not be enjoyable for him.

We could leave the dogs behind but it's not really necessary as we don't plan to attend the meal so they might as well come and enjoy the walk.

Pil have dogs too, they love to walk and would be talking theirs out anyway.

Earlier is an option if pil are happy with that. We said 11 so they could have a leisurely start to the day but they would probably be fine with 10.

Show quote history

Speak to SIL and see what her plans are. Then ask SIL to take them out for tea instead of it doesn't fit around your visit? She may not know/realise. They could go at 4 or later and have late lunch/early tea so PIL get to do both?

I understand your reasons for not wanting to go for lunch. PIL have probably just accepted all invites.

Original poster

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 13:45

AmelieTaylor · 12/06/2024 13:25

@parentfodder

why can't SIL take him out for dinner instead, have you asked?

you could take a light lunch, so there's no preparing or cleaning up.

Do what you were going to do, then they can do dinner with SIL?

Seems an obvious solution.

Good idea

OP posts:

DoreenonTill8 · 12/06/2024 14:00

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 12:53

Well I would be less than keen on walking 2 labs up and down for a couple of hours out side a pub while dh battles with three kids, two with significant Sen who would be overwhelmed and struggling. I can't see anyone enjoying that.

Whilst we (selfishly) wanted the day with them. I can concede it's nicer for pil to be treated to lunch . Hence why I've said we will go as planned and leave early. So we get to see them and sil gets her meal out.

Show quote history

Ìts not her meal out it's her taking her dad out for father's day? Do you think she's doing this to purposefully offended you?

ForeveraBluebird · 12/06/2024 14:00

Could you do a picnic or bbq in the garden all together , would your children enjoy that too. Then a Father’s Day dinner with sil in the evening as mentioned above.

Original poster

parentfodder · 12/06/2024 14:02

@DoreenonTill8 sorry I meant it inthe sense it's her gift to fil.

OP posts:

Roundroundthegarden · 12/06/2024 14:05

AmelieTaylor · 12/06/2024 13:25

@parentfodder

why can't SIL take him out for dinner instead, have you asked?

you could take a light lunch, so there's no preparing or cleaning up.

Do what you were going to do, then they can do dinner with SIL?

Seems an obvious solution.

Assuming that the SIL would jump for joy at changing plans and moving this to dinner when the usual done thing is a long, leisurely lunch. Who wants to be faffing around eating sandwiches when you can go out to a lovely meal.

Coconutter24 · 12/06/2024 14:06

Sounds like a non issue…. you either go for lunch with them or you drive home an hour or so earlier.