Bit out of order?

[parentfodder]

We have arranged to go see pil on Father's Day. We live an hour away.

Sil messaged to say she is planning to take pil out for a meal on Father's Day so let her know if we want to come. So basically we either go out for a meal or leave when they do?

Given pil had already arranged to see us I feel they shouldn't have accepted sils offer as they had plans. We will get there 11ish and I think they will do a late lunch so 2/3ish. We had intended to stay until 4ish.

people without SEn children don't get these sort of situations.

She has effectively changed the day to one that no longer allows you and your children to be part of it as planned.

Be honest - message all of them and say - we can't come out for lunch as you know due to the kids - could you guys perhaps go out for a meal later so we can still enjoy the time as planned (Or something similiar)

They want to see him too, you sound an absolute mare tbh.

This, you sound aggrieved fathers day is being planned by sil with her dad as the focus?

Planning? How do you know he knows about it?

Honestly get over it. Be glad everyone is alive.

I’m not sure why your husband doesn’t just go alone? He could have the morning with you and the kids and then go to pil’s at 1pm ish, have the meal with his sister and parents and then come home. He gets time with his kids, time with his family and you don’t have to do the hour’s drive there and back. Fil gets to see both his kids, go for a nice meal and not have to cook for everyone. If you really want kids to see grandparents and go for the dog walk you could go in separate cars and you drive back when they go for the meal. Both dads get a lovely day, you get put out a little bit but it’s only once a year. Dh can do something that puts you first for Mother’s Day.

Edit: I didn’t mean to quote, sorry!

Baffled, what is the issue? They arranged lunch which unless someone is cooking, is needed. Sounds like a grudge. As soon as you hear MIL or SIL

Does nobody read? She stated they work weekends and only have one a month.

Jesus Christ you’re insufferable.

I didn’t know grown people were so desperate to be celebrated and have ‘their days’ I get everyone is different but in my family everybody would be vying to see the children/ grandkids.

It’s likely OP was making the effort to visit with this thought in mind , not to steal a special special day.

I think these responses totally ignore the effort it takes to shift the whole family (irrespective of the reasons why the whole family moves as a unit, personally if this were my set up I would see them less but let the grand parents know they are free to visit the kids whenever)

why do mumsnetters act like feeding visitors is sacrificing a first born son and not a couple of slices of shit bread?

why do mumsnetters act like feeding visitors is sacrificing a first born son and not a couple of slices of shit bread?
If that's the case maybe op could offer to host everyone for the cup of tea and bacon roll/lunch.

We did offer they opted for us to come to them.

Go a bit earlier and go for a nice walk with the dogs and kids, then leave when they head off for lunch as its a late one. It will probably work better for your kids too.

I feel like I live in another world after reading these responses to op.

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable to be a bit miffed that they have changed plans so you effectively can’t go after already making arrangements with fil. I totally get how annoying that is. Especially when sil sees her parents regularly.

Well done for being the bigger person and adapting to the situation. Hope you all have a lovely day in the end.

You've just saved me typing a response!

Well done to OP too, for keeping cool in the face of so many posters not being able to read very well.

The absolute inability of posters reading a thread properly 🤦🏻‍♀️or refusing to anyway.
Christ, OP has been absolutely fair all the way through and the pile on is embarrassing.
After explaining at least 10 times why they can't attend there's muppets still saying 'just go suck it up'
The lack of comprehension is almost impressive

This is just nonsense. I have a SEN child. It’s exhausting but also everyone else’s life doesn’t revolve around them. Yours might but your PIL/SIL does not have to. They are spending time with them, and considering their needs. That doesn’t mean they can’t do something else too.

She is more than entitled to quality time with her father on Father’s Day without having to deal with all of the focus being you and your children’s needs. It’s about him, his relationship with his children. Not about what you want and that you want every member of your family (including your dogs!) to be included in exactly the way you want them to be.

Equally, so this is your only time in a month you see them. So if it wasn’t, you wouldn’t see FIL until potentially 3 weeks later. So she has to only plan to celebrate her father in a way that works for you, around your work pattern. If you were working, she could have him all to herself?

This isn’t normal and isn’t how family works. It sounds like a pretty awful day, having to arrange everything around what suits you.

Otoh it would be kind, caring and respectful to plan the day so that your sibling and gcs, whom they see monthly can have quality time with your parents. The in laws should not have agreed to renege on established plans. Op’s sil could have organised a very late lunch at maybe 4pm with op’s family perhaps leaving a little earlier and no clashes. Another time, she will have her dad all to herself. Father’s Day is only a day when she has the ability to see her parents 52 times a year, 104 if including both weekend days. Once a month is a mere 12 times a year.

Have I missed something? What have the dogs got to do with this?

@AgileMentor the dogs can't be left so go to lunch too I think?

How sad for your children that you feel that way. I hope their grandparents don’t see them as a burden either.

That's an odd take on @HeHeHeDidIt posy?
I read it as as it's fathers day, the day should be on making it nice for the Pil?

Her exact words were :

’I also have SEN DC, and a dog, no way would I land on DP for that amount of time’

You sound insane to be honest. Ive never been to a party where we’ve been discouraged to stay, but would never drop off my daughters at a 3 hour party at a house of someone I didn’t know. Very different to childcare with vetted and qualified staff.

This party sounds like it’ll be a shambles 😂. If I had received that response from you I would have probs screenshot and sent to the other mums and asked if it was personal or if no one could attend which may explain the delayed response….

Sorry - new to mumsnet! Wrong post 😂😂😂