To think it is not normal to be at a bar at 1.30am with work

[Peonii]

Just need to be told I'm being insane.

DH in Germany having meetings. It's an early start tomorrow. He messaged at 10pm saying they're in the bar and will call when he's back in his room in an hour... He still hasn't called.

AIBU to think one wouldn't be out until 1.30am at a bar if you have an early start the next day?

I do have this.

A PP also said it's hard if I have a difficult DC - DC is truly wonderful. I have absolutely lucked out having such a happy little baby who sleeps well. The problem really is me. I feel like I'm going through sludge with every movement sometimes, it's just how tired I feel sometimes.

DH does do the cleaning, he just can't cook at all. Even when we weren't living together he was.eatimg cereal for meals when not eating at work canteen.

We have looked into a babysitter/nanny and have an advert up so hopefully we should find somebody soon.

I don't buy this whole "cant' cook". Does he have cognitive capacity to follow a recipe? Then he can cook. He just choses not to. Nobody is born with cooking skills, we all learn. He hasn't bothered to learn and it is quite different from not being able to.
Now if he had TBI, stroke or some other condition which affect cognitive function, I can accept "can't cook" as an argument. But seeing that he is able to hold down full time employment, I doubt it is the case.

What’s ‘odd’ is the number of pp supporting a man who can’t change a nappy. That’s really strange on a MUMS forum for so many champions to be on here cheering on a deadbeat.

@Meetingofminds PP drip fed that in late on and Mumsnet is not exclusively for MUMS!!

Honestly op, you don’t need antidepressants or any other intervention. What you needed was a man capable of parenting one singular baby. He has taught himself learned helplessness to avoid doing any parenting or cooking and anything else that he doesn’t fancy doing.

If he was left in sole custody the baby would be removed by social services due to neglect. Cheese is not a meal, soiled nappies can cause serious infection as can wet clothes. By being so useless he has you trapped there indefinitely, with your mental health declining.

Restart your career. Vow to have no more babies with this man, and in two years or less from now be prepared to be reassessing your entire relationship- because when this passes and you see just how badly he has behaved you are going to feel as angry as we all do for you.

I am struggling to imagine just how disappointed you must be in him, he needs to really up his game. You are being severely shortchanged in this relationship.

Changing my post - hope you're ok, OP.

@Meetingofminds useless carcasses and MUMS?

Why so aggressive?

Women don't need to be a hive mind!

Bored rigid by incompetent men.

I guess if I were a man I would be complimented on my direct communication skills but I see you feel it’s okay to say it’s as aggressive because I am a woman. Downright I am and I wish more of us were. My dh would be handed his arse and divorce papers if he neglected our children in this way. Making a baby suffer is not cool.

@Meetingofminds so to ecplain, Mumsnet is not just MUMS and incompetent men!

There are women on here without children.

You also can't expect all MUMS to have the same views.

You're aggressive if you're female or male, name calling is aggressive.

He needs to take the baby on his own more. It doesn’t really matter if she just has cheese, it’s not every day. He can set an alarm for the nappy if he’s really that useless.

You weren’t born with this innate ability to know how and when to change a nappy, what food to give them, how to look after them. You did it through experience and he needs to have that experience otherwise you will be doing this solo for as long as you are together.

Me also. Being away from home I found myself liberated from feeding the cat, cooking dinner, washing up, housework, etc so yes I had time to sit in a bar until late at night.😎

I think you are new on here if you think that’s name calling 🤣

Dadsnet is that way old chap >>>

Kindly OP and I speak from experience you’re enabling him to be a crappy dad which isn’t helping either of you in the long run. So long as your child is safe, he needs to be left to look after them how he sees fit. I’ll admit I’ve had to lower my standards significantly just to survive after we had DC number 2 and it became apparent my micromanaging of my husband meant he had no idea or inclination to learn how to look after his kids because I did everything as it was easier to do it ‘right’ than try and explain. Also your DC isn’t going to learn to nap with Dad if they aren’t given the chance to learn how together. Enable him to step up by taking yourself off for a few hours will do you and your relationship good in the long run.

DH was away when mine were little. Three under three. Called one night from Finland to say Robbie Williams and Kiri te Kanawa were in the hotel bar so free drinks but no-one else in. At the time I hadn't even showered!! Another time, he was in a bar in Stockholm and Slash from G nR was doing unplugged. Think I hung up on him that day! Don't worry - sometimes you just have to go with the flow then fall asleep and forget to phone. It happens I promise. We've been together 41 years so I should know!

@Meetingofminds so why was your post removed sweetie? 🤔!

I suspect for being aggressive, I suggest you calm down and stop name calling.

Why are the few people that are disagreeing with the majority, saying the others are men, name calling and getting their posts removed? You think that many men have jumped on this one thread? Really? What's the likelihood of that.

Again I'll state however, Mumsnet is not just for MUMS.

As I've said previously, Op can't see your posts if they're removed, so it doesn't show your "solidarity"!

@Mumwithbaggage I suggest you continue giving your safe advice to OP, like give him divorce papers, rather than attacking other posters.

*sage

Op good luck with asserting yourself! 💪🏻 I’m sorry he is not better, but you have choices lovely. Make sure you use them!

Just calm down. You are not being helpful derailing the thread.

Oh the irony @Meetingofminds!

So funny!

Stop responding then, if you're oh so concerned and don't just want to name call and get your posts deleted.

Because all I'm seeing is you attacking others.

Choices exactly, which don't have to be divorce papers, over something easily rectified.

He doesn't drink.