To be annoyed that my sister wants me to change my hair for her wedding.

[PiperLeo]

I have bright red hair. I love the colour. It makes me feel good about myself. I even feel pretty on some days which is huge for me since I'm quite a big girl and hate my body. (That's a whole other issue)

I've had my hair like this for the most part of 10 years.

My sister is getting married in April and insists I be a bridesmaid. She has asked me to "tone down the colour" she initially wanted me to dye it blond as she insists it would suit me. But I have no intention of doing so. She said it would be fine if I went back to my natural colour (Auburn)

My other sister got married last year and I went through an identity crisis. Cut my long hair off into a bob and dyed it a plum colour instead...just in case she didn't approve of my normal colour. She didn't say anything but I wasn't her bridesmaid. I hated it so went back to bright red.

AIBU to think that my hair colour shouldn't matter as everyone will be looking at her and not me?

Or am I being selfish?

I already don't feel good in my bridesmaid dress because of my body type so not having my hair to back me up, I fear it will be a miserable day for me. (Selfish?)

I would decline to be a bridesmaid. You should choose your bridal party because you love them and not on how they look so just tell her you won’t be changing your hair and you think it’s best to just be a regular guest.

We have 6 sisters between us and 5 of them were bridesmaids and 1 declined, it was fine, she enjoyed the day much more as a guest!

Do the photos really matter more than having the people you love the most standing next to you? That’s a genuine question.

I just don’t understand prioritising aesthetics when the pictures will date anyway. It all feels so vapid and shallow.

OP, she’s getting married, in no universe does that give her the right to start dictating how other people have their hair.

Are you really that insecure that the idea of someone other than you "standing out" would put you off having them as a bridesmaid? Even your own sister? Because if so you need some serious therapy.

God some people on this thread are pathetic. Red hair isn't even outlandish in this day an age, my 98 year old nana has bright red hair. My MOH had bright turquoise and pink hair on my wedding day, I still looked fucking cracking and her hair definitely didn't spoil anything.

If you’ve had that colour for years, then as far as I’m concerned, that’s your hair colour, full stop. She’s being very demanding by asking you to change. I’ve gone through so many colours over the years, and never been asked to dye my hair a specific colour to suit someone’s aesthetic.

Also, bright red hair looks incredible! Keep your hair the way it is, and totally rock it. ❤️

No. Ask her why she would want her sister to be her bridesmaid then end up with wedding photos which look like some random stranger with completely different hair is in them?

Your hair is part of the you everyone knows. Your sister would eventually regret that she made the event more of a pantomime than a celebration featuring the real people she loves.

Some people should remember that a wedding isn't about the photos. It's the start of a marriage, not an Instagram shoot.

Tell her you won't be bridesmaid. Then buy the mother of all hats and wear it as a guest.

This reminds me of, many years ago, of a friend asking if I was going to put my hair up for her wedding. I wasn’t a bridesmaid, just a guest. And I didn’t even have long hair at the time, just a bob just past jaw length. I didn’t put it up.

Your hair is part of you and you shouldn't have to change it.

However as a token gesture, I'd be open to trying on a blonde wig to see if I liked it or not.

If not then I could tell my sister that I genuinely considered her request but didn't feel like me when wearing the blonde wig, so it's red hair or nothing. (Or if you try a wig and like it perhaps it would actually be an option!)

You say you're not happy with your body. Perhaps if you choose to try and change whatever annoys you over the next ten months til the wedding you'd feel better about the whole day?

Just a thought as you may not be able to change whatever upsets you (eg colostomy bag), but it may be relevant if - and only if - you wanted to put on weight or lose weight or whatever for you. Ten months at one pound a week is over three stone.

I only mention as you said you were unhappy. Not for the bride. For you if it makes you happy and is possible.

I personally wouldn’t have asked you to be a BM as I don’t love brightly coloured, “false” looking hair

Would you genuinely choose your bridesmaids based on whether you love their looks, rather than whether you love them as people? Wow.

One of my daughters seems to have different coloured hair for each family wedding or christening - being a bridesmaid twice and a Godmother twice. Nobody gives a hoot. It is who she is. It has actually become a thing. Don't be bullied into something that isn't you and that includes being a reluctant bridesmaid and feeling uncomfortable in what you wear.

As your hair suits you, then you will look great as a bridesmaid.

If you wanted to compromise with your sister and she was worried about your red hair standing out too much in photos, then perhaps all the bridesmaids could wear a small fascinator or head-piece? That would tie the look together.

Reminds me of the time I was asked to dye my hair back to my normal dark brown (it was green/red/purple/blue/pink and wildly curly, like an afro!) for a family wedding and I said sure no problem I'll sort it and did sweet FA 🤣

bride and her mums face was a picture and when it came to the photos the bride asked me to step out of them, fine, i wanted a cig anyway probably, but most of the family/guests (and I love them all for this) waved me back over and put me in the middle at the back right behind the bride 😂😂

This. A wedding should be about being surrounded by the people you love. When I got married we just told people to wear whatever they wanted, we wouldn't have cared if people were in jeans. The absolute entitlement of thinking you have a right to dictate how people look all for your photos!

There's nothing even outrageous about bright red hair, so many shallow people here that wouldn't have someone they love as BM just because of hair colour. Truly mad.

Please don't dye your hair. You are who you are and this look is part of you.

Maybe sit down with your sister and offer - with love - to stand down as bridesmaid if it's going to make things easier. Be really loving and genuine about it.

She might get over herself and realise that she wants you - red hair and all. The situation will just dissolve and everyone will move on.

Or she might agree. In which case it's hurtful but at least things have been brought to a head and you can draw a line. Maybe you could do a reading or make a speech or something? If you feel self-conscious in a bridesmaids dress you might enjoy the wedding more with a different role?

I'm sorry you're in this fix

I would just say no and offer to step down to being a bridesmaid. Go as a guest and wear what you want.

No absolutely not, please do not allow your sister to bully you into changing your hair colour for this, or in fact for any reason! You are not selfish for saying no.

If she wants you to be her bridesmaid, then she should accept you exactly as you are. You've had red hair for years, why should you change it for her? If its a deal breaker for her, then sadly I'd decline being a bridesmaid, there is no way I'd let anyone dictate how I wear my hair.

I just don't understand why some people get like this when they are getting married ,it's just so self absorbed.

Team OP.
Flame me I don't care, but she might not even be still married within two years, the photos will be irrelevant.
I've had a bright blue wavy bob style for 5 years and no one would dare tell me to change it. Not happening until I want to. Stay strong OP

A head of hair is hardly a massive pop of colour

It's your hair and body and it's totally unreasonable for her to request you change anything x

The dress situation isn't that straightforward. She is on a budget and we went to a place that only did one style with sleeves. I have massive forearms. I do love the dress. Just not on me. In all fairness, I only ever wear black as it's all I feel comfortable in.

This thread has been a real eye opener. I had no idea people were still so narrow minded. And the idea you would prioritise micromanaging the wedding photos over good relationships with friends and family is just bonkers.

No, that was about being bridesmaid. I feel too self conscious about my weight. 🙄

This is hilarious (sorry, @PiperLeo - not your distress, of course, but your sister's "request"). WTAF?! And who TF are the 8% of respondents who think YABU to want your hair whatever colour you want your hair??
Don't change a thing. You're sister is being the world's biggest bellend.
Hope you have fun as a bridesmaid :)