10 year old using the tube alone?!!

[LIKley]

DD is in Y6, her school has kids from all over London and we are used to her friends not being super close geographically.
DD’s best friend is one of the youngest in their year, so only 10 right now.

Planning a sleepover for the girls as they won’t be at the same school next year, I asked the girls parents how she will be getting to ours and was asked if I could meet her at my nearest tube station, I assumed a parent would be meeting me there with her but no they intend to let their 10 year old get the tube alone + 2 line changes one of them either at Victoria or Green Park which if you know London are hardly going to be quiet and easy to navigate at 10.

Parent insists it’s fine and the girl knows the stations well and has been using one of them alone to get to a hobby all of Y6!!

Now I know know, most kids will be getting the tube to school alone in just a couple of months but the thought of asking a 10 year old to navigate a busy station like Victoria on her own makes me feel ill!

AIBU to say to the parents that I’ll just pick her up from there house? Equally AIBU to think it’s bloody absurd to have a 10 year old make this journey?

If the parents have been working with her on using the tube and she does it regularly alone then I'm not sure why you want to over-ride that.

Offer a lift by all means.

For year 7 many many London kids use the tube to get to school.

Im aware lots of Y7s take the tube to school and DD will be one of them next year. However it will be at a time where there will be lots of other young people alone on the trains so some safety in numbers and at least for us we will be picking routes that skip the busier interchange and commuter stations for some extra piece of mind.

Ultimately their child, their choice. Lots of 10yos fo use public transport independently (although not usually quite as busy as Victoria Station!).

The parents said it was fine and she is using the tube independently and knows the station well. It's not their job to manage your anxiety.
It's not absurd to have a 10 year old who clearly have been working with her parents on independent mobility to use her independent mobility skills. They don't just magically acquire them when they turn 11.

My son is 10 and there is absolutely no way I would feel comfortable with that. I would be dropping him off and picking him up. So many things can go wrong and at 10 he wouldn't know what to do

We began "practicing" using the bus when I was in Y6 as I'd need them for school, the buses weren't that busy with school kids as most caught the dedicated school buses (as did I but I needed to know the routes in case I missed the buses or had clubs). I was one of the babies in the year too.

By all means offer to collect her but don't make it a judgment on the parent.

Presumably it's not at night?

YANBU to offer a lift if that will make you feel better. But they are not being unreasonable either and lots of children travel independently at this age (including me when I was in year 6 and living in London).

Your son would not know what to do because he hasn't had any practice at managing these situations. This little girl has. She regularly makes a similar journey and has been doing so for months. It's her parents' call and they know her capabilities better than anybody else. The Tube is busy all the time. I'm sure she will be absolutely fine.

But do you live in London?

I think it’s fine if she and parents are confident that she knows how to be safe. She’s more likely to have support if something goes wrong (police or TfL staff) than if she was walking somewhere. She needs to develop these skills by September - at what point would you suggest she start doing the tube alone? September? In rush hour? With a time pressure?

Good for the child and the parents. I'd love my DC to be able to use the tube independently by the end of Y6 ready for Y7. I'd be happier with mine changing on the tube (loads of people, always staff at the top of escalators to ask if things go wrong) than changing buses (fewer people around, longer waits, no staff at bus stops).

I wouldn't be happy with my child using the tube and changing twice at age 10.

That is your son not the child in the OP who is probably more mature and used to the journeys.
The parents know their child's capabilities more than you do

Well, as you say, in 3 months it will be the norm for thousands of Yr7s.

There’s nothing intrinsically alarming about Victoria and Green Park as interchanges at busy times. School children will be travelling at rush hour.

YANBU to offer to pick her up.

YAB massively U to over-react about a 10yo Londoner commuting alone. The stations might not be "quiet" but neither Victoria nor Green Park are difficult to navigate.

London tube is easy, aside from possibly the stations with multiple exits where it's easier if you take the right one.

I think it's easier than the bus frankly.

To be fair, it doesn't really matter whether other MNetters would feel comfortable letting their child do this or not.

This child's parents do.

So you can either accept that, OP and do as they wish. Or offer to collect, but try to do it a way which doesn't sound like your judging their parenting.

It's fine if they say it's fine. My kids got the train alone from age 9/10. They got stuck a few times and asked for help.

I live in London, there’s no way 10 year olds should be taking the tube on their own. There’s hardly any staff or ticket offices or anyone else now if things go wrong- members of the public shouldn’t be relied on to parent your child should they need it, because the parents can’t be bothered.

drunks, drug addicts, unstable people both physically and mentally can be dangerous and intimidating to children, and it wouldn’t take much to get nudged onto the tracks for a child who wasn’t mature enough to take precautions.

To add

They know their child and how sensible they are and whether they could handle a problem

The Tube is much easier to navigate than buses tbh. Miss one and there's another in a couple of minutes. Easy to follow maps everywhere. Directions to which line you want to get where. Plenty of staff around.

The obvious solution would be to teach your son what to do. Again, kids don't just magically acquire skills when they turn a certain age. You need to practice these things.
I remember travelling on a tube as a young child and my parents always showed me how to read a map, what uniform stations assistant wears, what to do if we get accidentally separated. As a result, I was very confident to travel independently well before I turned 10.

Yes I found it weird that you apparently accept its fine for kids to use the tube if they are 11 but not a day before....

(I know you've since said that YOU will have limits for your son such as travelling with friends and not via busy stations but this obviously doesn't apply to everyone - there will be kids travelling alone and changing lines, some of whom willnhave only been eleven for a few days/weeks)

All kids are different, the parent knows theirs best, if the kid didn't want to do it she would have rejected the invite.

If it really unnerves you you could potentially say something like "oh I've just realised I've got an appointment near you at that time so shall I just pick her up?" But I think if you actually say "I don't think she should be coming on the tube alone, I'll come and get her" you will definitely put their backs up.

I'd rather for my kid to be confident to travel alone and practice it, than relying on "lots of others". The day they end up alone, what then?

Fine if you don't want to let you own child do this but its up to other parents what happens with their child and none of your business.

I don't live in London but visit a lot and regularly see children of this age travelling on the tube and navigating it with confidence.

As a family we use the tube loads, commuting and for leisure at weekends. We live in zone 2 and tube travel is the norm. We have no fear of changes or busy stations. It's the tube!
Our kids have grown up doing it and i would be comfortable with this scenario.

out of curiosity, which station does not have staff? I must have miraculously never used them 😂

I assure you Victoria or Green Park are definitively not one of those anyway.

Dangerous people exist also in buses, in trains, on the road. If you are worried your child might be intimidated, you never let them do anything independently.

When it comes to changing on tube lines it doesn’t make a huge difference whether it’s a busy or quiet station. She’ll be following the signs and the throngs of other passengers, there’s no greater ability to somehow get irretrievably lost. It’s daytime, there will be plenty of families and groups of people travelling, I’m sure her parents have done all the safety advice about sitting or standing near a family group if it feels more comfortable.