10 year old using the tube alone?!!

[LIKley]

DD is in Y6, her school has kids from all over London and we are used to her friends not being super close geographically.
DD’s best friend is one of the youngest in their year, so only 10 right now.

Planning a sleepover for the girls as they won’t be at the same school next year, I asked the girls parents how she will be getting to ours and was asked if I could meet her at my nearest tube station, I assumed a parent would be meeting me there with her but no they intend to let their 10 year old get the tube alone + 2 line changes one of them either at Victoria or Green Park which if you know London are hardly going to be quiet and easy to navigate at 10.

Parent insists it’s fine and the girl knows the stations well and has been using one of them alone to get to a hobby all of Y6!!

Now I know know, most kids will be getting the tube to school alone in just a couple of months but the thought of asking a 10 year old to navigate a busy station like Victoria on her own makes me feel ill!

AIBU to say to the parents that I’ll just pick her up from there house? Equally AIBU to think it’s bloody absurd to have a 10 year old make this journey?

You've been asked if you can meet the child at a tube station. The child's parents are confident in her abilities to get to the tube station, and are content for her to travel alone. I'd suggest simply agreeing to meet the child at the tube station and enjoying the fact that the other child gets about by herself, which is saving you hassle and a much longer journey to collect her.

It’s fine, if they’ve done it before and you will meet them. My year seven was doing this from the summer after year 6, and probably would have been fine to do so before.

I disagree, he is my little boy/child. I'm certainly in no rush for him to grow up. Adulting lasts a long time.

Lucky we're not in Tokyo as they travel on the metro independently from age 7!

The part that gets me is that they expect you to meet her at the tube station. Do you have time to do this? The parents should ensure that their child gets to and from your place safely and not expect you to collect her from the tube station. Fine for a child to use the tube but not to hassle you with collecting her.

Yeah alright... I believe you

The OP can say no.

Well the actually asked if my DD can meet her at the tube station as she will have to walk through the common a little and she won’t know the way. I don’t let DD walk to the station and back alone so I will go with her.
I wouldn’t have minded if they’d asked me to pick her up from home even. Of course I have the time, Im caring for their child I don’t have any other plans and don’t understand why anyone would have other plans when they have agreed to look after someone else’s child!

When do you consider yourself responsible for this child? You say you don’t understand why you’d have other plans when caring for someone’s child. I am responsible when an invited child arrives at my house until they leave my house. If we go out then I’m responsible during this time as well. If a parent asks my kid to pick up their child from a place outside of the home then they have bypassed me and I don’t agree with this. They should ensure their child reaches your house safely. As their child doesn’t know the way to your house the parents should travel with their child. It’s up to you but get ready for looking after this child when it should be the parents. Are they collecting their child? I bet they are hoping you will sort this out. They sound like slacker parents. Keep your boundaries.

@ButterCrackers I totally disagree that they sound like slacker parents. They simply do not sound over protective.
Sure the parents could spend the time to deliver the child to OPs front door. But that may not be possible because of other children and what they are doing, so if OP says no they may have to cancel.
If you have more than 1 child and work often you are juggling multiple people getting different places at similar times.

It varies, last weekend DD went for a sleep over with another friend, her mum came and picked DD up as we were decorating the house and dropping off would be awkward. Other times I’d drop DD off.

For the girl in this situation they’ve been having sleepovers for years, sometimes I pick up from their house, sometimes they come and get DD from mine or I take DD there, sometimes we meet in the middle etc.

There isn’t an exact time where my responsibility begins.

In this situation they have said their child will make their own way to ours so I’d see my responsibility beginning when the child arrives to my house. They have asked if DD can meet her at the station but I don’t feel comfortable with this so it’s my job to walk my DD there.

Her parents are great, they have looked after DD many a time for me. They are also European so we definitely don’t share a parenting philosophy, their child is a lot more independent than DD. I think they take unnecessary risk they probably think I baby DD.
Doesn’t matter though as the girls are great friends, and they are great parents even if different to me.

They could have asked the parents who had invited their child to collect from the tube. That’s the polite version but they asked the ten year old of the family bypassing the parents. That’s odd to me and sounds like the slacker version of not bothering to get their child safely to the sleepover. Who knows about the return journey.

DSD’s been navigating the tube since she was 9. It’s fine if the parents say it is. By all means if it makes you feel better you can drop her home after the activity.

@ButterCrackers they asked if DD could meet her at the station. OP has not said if they asked her this or her DD.

Keep your boundary on responsibility. You’re not ok with them asking your child to walk this kid to your house. Tel them next time ask me not my child. Have you thought about how they look after your child when she is at their house and outside their house with her friend? Be mindful of this as your child will be going places with her friend perhaps without supervision. Of course it’s good to be independent but it can also not be good. Kids playing outside in woods and fields most of the day can be great as can exploring a town/city but there is risk. You’ll have to decide your boundary on it.

This is what the op writes in a post “Well the actually asked if my DD can meet her at the tube station as she will have to walk through the common a little and she won’t know the way. I don’t let DD walk to the station and back alone so I will go with her.
I wouldn’t have minded if they’d asked me to pick her up from home even. Of course I have the time, Im caring for their child I don’t have any other plans and don’t understand why anyone would have other plans when they have agreed to look after someone else’s child!”

I know - they asked if my DD can meet her at tube station. It does not say who they asked.

This. 100%. And it's nothing to do with you what their daughter does. Sounds like they are doing a great job preparing her for independence. It's not for you to try to undermine that and inflict your own anxieties on this child and her parents.

That's because you haven't given him any opportunities to learn what to do/haven't taught him what to do in certain situations. Children are capable of far more than modern day parents give them credit for. And it does them no favours at all.

You’ve miss understood.

They sent a message saying
“A going to get the tube to xxx, I believe she will have to walk through the common to get to your home so perhaps E could meet her there, she might get lost! If not I’ll show her the route before hand”
They did ask me, you’ve really got a bee in your bonnet about a family you don’t know who is actually very lovely!

They know I’m stricter with DD than they are with their child, so when DD goes there I make it clear that I don’t want her to be out and about without supervision. DD is very honest with me and they have always respected my boundaries. I do actually let DD walk around their area (lots of gorgeous buildings and pretty squares) so that’s probably why they think I’d be ok with DD walking to our station alone.
I would let DD walk to our station with a friend but not completely on her own so I can see why they assumed I might be ok with that.

I wouldn't let my DD travel alone to London even when she's a grown woman.

YABU.

Not entirely relevant but it presumably doesn't have to be 2 changes including one at Victoria does it. Assuming from what you've said it's something like South Ken to Clapham South, she could go to Embankment and change there. Maybe that's what she plans to do?

Good luck with that.

Sorry but there is NO WAY my DC will be using any public transport until at least 14. Probably 15... Thankfully we're not in London but if we were she'd not be going anywhere alone until....well, adulthood most likely given how dangerous it is there!

It's only a matter of time before that poor little girl is abducted. 10yr olds are vulnerable! 😢
Also, how on earth can a 10yr old's brain have matured enough to know what to do if something completely unexpected happens and she needs to think on her feet and determine a safe solution.

No, they really don't!