10 year old using the tube alone?!!

[LIKley]

DD is in Y6, her school has kids from all over London and we are used to her friends not being super close geographically.
DD’s best friend is one of the youngest in their year, so only 10 right now.

Planning a sleepover for the girls as they won’t be at the same school next year, I asked the girls parents how she will be getting to ours and was asked if I could meet her at my nearest tube station, I assumed a parent would be meeting me there with her but no they intend to let their 10 year old get the tube alone + 2 line changes one of them either at Victoria or Green Park which if you know London are hardly going to be quiet and easy to navigate at 10.

Parent insists it’s fine and the girl knows the stations well and has been using one of them alone to get to a hobby all of Y6!!

Now I know know, most kids will be getting the tube to school alone in just a couple of months but the thought of asking a 10 year old to navigate a busy station like Victoria on her own makes me feel ill!

AIBU to say to the parents that I’ll just pick her up from there house? Equally AIBU to think it’s bloody absurd to have a 10 year old make this journey?

I think unless a child has significant special needs they should be able to use the tube independently by ten if they live in London, we did until recently, most children from year 5 onwards used public buses or the tube to get to school.

Where we now live has a metro, our nine year old is more than capable of using it, and when the weather is bad or he feels lazy he gets the metro to school rather than walking.

Also, a woman was raped on a tube recently. In front of everyone! (No idea why nobody stepped in to stop him but that's another discussion) and there was an 11yr old there with his Dad and had to witness the entire thing......

Perhaps I have misunderstood but do check how your child is looked after whilst she is in their care.
I agree I misunderstood about them bypassing you but they still expect your dd to collect their child and you’re not comfortable about that. They’ve said that if not possible they’ll show the route to their dd. I’d reply that … I’m not comfortable with my dd walking that route so perhaps you could walk your child to my place from the tube. I get that it’s a nice area but getting lost as a ten year old isn’t fun.

I asked which route she would take and they said either South Ken - Victoria - Stockwell - Clapham South or South Ken - Green Park - Stockwell - Clapham South.

She could do South Ken - Leicester Square - Clapham South or South Ken - Embankment - Clapham South but her parents think they add about 15 minutes on to the journey. It’s not a route I use so I’m not sure if that’s true.

I think the options I have are to either say
“I’ll pick A up at x time, I’ll be in the area” or to let them do what they have planned and either walk DD to the station or allow their DD to walk to ours. They seem confident
she can do it and I’m not going to directly undermine them.

@ButterCrackers it is not up to OP how the other parents parent their child. So choice is either OPs DD and maybe herself meets the child at the station, or they do not.

I agree - they’ve not asked for your help so don’t offer it. They have their own way to dealing with their ten year old getting about London and it’s their responsibility.

That’s been my point throughout. If you don’t agree with the parenting style then avoid these parents being responsible for your child.

I've lived in London all my life and know the underground well. There is absolutely no way I would let a ten year old travel on the tube alone. My daughter had a long journey to secondary school, not on the underground but it would have involved two buses and a train if I hadn't been there, and I wouldn't have let her travel alone on public transport for an hour when she was in Year 7 either.

@ButterCrackers
I think you are being very black white about this. I don’t think there is anyone out there who I 100% agree with when it comes to parenting. If I only let DD go to people who I fully agreed with she’d never go out!

For me I have open conversations about my boundaries as a parent and trust her friends parents will respect these, they almost always do. Their parents do the same
when their children come here.

Somethings you compromise on as it allows your children to have fulfilling friendships others you stand firm on but it is always a case by case situation.
You can disagree with someone and still trust them to look after your child.

It's tricky isn't it. I was/am a single parent and in yr6 mine had to traverse tubes/trains/buses in London otherwise they couldn't get anywhere.

But if it makes you feel more comfortable, offer to pick them up from home whether you get the tube together or drive. I would have appreciated the offer in their shoes!

Do you know how many 11/12 year olds get the tube to school in London every day? Do you know how many of them have been abducted in the last ten years? (Clue, it's quite a round number)

Do you think that there are hordes of marauding abductors hanging around waiting to prey on girls before they reach the magic first day of Year 7 and are magically immune?

Absolutely but keep a check on what happens when your dad visits her friend. Once they are older expect there to be even less supervision and more going around London on their own when your dd visits. Absolutely fine and good but just keep a check on it all. I say this from similar experience in a kind way to you.

I think if her parents have said they want her to do it than you should accept it. It's not like they are asking your own DD to do the same. Just make sure you have the parents' contact details, and the girl's own mobile number if she has one.

It’s good practice to get a 10 year old ready for secondary school, so they’re comfortable in year 7… I do worry that we molly coddle and breed anxiety into our children by being too cautious. Fostering independence is super important for emotionally healthy kids.

@EnglishBluebell Forgive me, it's hard to tell what's satire and what isn't.

'It's only a matter of time before that little girl is abducted...'

If this is intended to be read along the same lines as the concept that monkeys will eventually recreate the works of Shakespeare if given sufficient time/resources/randomness/typewriters, well, yes, there's a small but non-zero possibility of that happening, and given infinite time, it'll happen. Whether humanity is still around in any recognisable form when that happens, well, that's another question.

If, for any given person, the mean time between abductions can be expected to be very long in relation to their expected lifespan, it seems rational to me that someone may be prepared to tolerate that level of risk in order to access the benefits associated with the ability to travel independently.

Hundreds of thousands of 11 year olds get the tube or bus to school. How many of those have been abducted?

Your perception of the risk here is way off. I hope you're not planning on driving them around, that's much riskier.

We are Londoners and my Year 6’er can confidently use bus, train and tube albeit not regularly through central London. For that i’d only let him naviagte that alone if it had been done a couple of times before. If you know the parents to be generally sensible sorts then i think its fine.

The chance of her being abducted is very, very, very low.

You should fit in with their parenting decisions, and not try to impose your own feelings and anxiety.

I live in London, 4 kids, and 2 of mine have used the tube independently at a similarage. Usually it is to meet DH at his office. They were more competent than the vast majority of adults at that age. They had mobiles and it it much safer when public transport is busy.

I'm not sure what people think goes on in London. Plenty of us raise families unscathed. One of the upsides is that all of my children are completely unphased by travelling anywhere, by any means. They also flew independently to meet us in various places from 16. They are sensible and it was a great experience every time.

OP it's not your call. They know their child.

The point of parenting is to raise a competent, capable child - sounds like her parents have done a good job. I took the tube, but mostly the bus everywhere when I was that age (tube was expensive, but I had a bus pass) and that was before smart phones and bus stops that displayed arrival times. Maps also much harder to interpret/require some rough knowledge of the geography of London.

dont be so ridiculous. Why on earth not? It’s perfectly safe

regardless of other posters view, the number of 10 year olds being abducted on the tube is vanishingly unlikely. I’ve never ever heard of it despite the previous poster thinking it’s inevitable.

Dd had to do a 2hr train journey every day for a month including going through Victoria when she was 11...She loved it to be honest because she felt so grown up. She was taking the bus home from Primary school which was 5 miles away though in Y6. I personally think parents know what their kids can do and if they have asked for independence and can be trusted it's up to their family. Some kids absolutely not.