To feel this is the end because he called me a c€&t under his breath

[RealNewt]

Hi, I really need some advice. Just had a fight with DH while on holiday and walked out of the room. I changed my mind and walked back in, and heard him at the tail end of calling me a cunt to himself. He (under interrogation) admitted it. I am really shocked that he would call me this, even to himself. For the record, I wasn’t being particularly unreasonable or acting cuntish, it was just a stupid fight about nothing.

Because the words have different meanings?

Most people will use cunt to express a much worse feeling about someone than twat. The whole point of words is they convey meaning

I’d much prefer my partner got their frustration out like that, than sulked. You weren’t supposed to hear it.

I think although it's a very controversial word it can have different connotations to different people.
In our house it can almost be seen as a jokey term of endearment when our (adult) daughter uses it to her dad😱
It's not the worst insult I could be called (or use) but each to their own

This word now seems to be very mainstream. I've been called it numerous times and I'm honestly not that bad!! LOL. Watch the Micky Flanagan routine where he calls it "casual c*ing"

Cunt and twat have the same meanings though, so which ever one is used out of the two the same meaning applies

Get out. He'll keep doing it and if you put up with the disrespect you'll live with the disrespect forever. Trust me.

Well, it was rather rude but not the end of the world......depends what was the row about? Did you criticise his driving, his finesse with a barbecue, his inability to give you an orgasm? If the answer to all this is no, then he is just plain horrid!!!

Thank you all so much for your replies, many of them were so kind and not to be glib but this is the first time I’ve had more than five responses to an MN post so I’m feeling like soooo popular right now 😃.

Circumstance took care of the situation in that I managed to get a horrible stomach thing and spent the last two days vomiting, so was too weak and dependent for any recriminations/issuing of divorce proceedings…
In answer to queries, yes he would use the word casually enough but only to describe vile Tory politicians or his horrible boss, not, heretofore, to describe his lifetime partner!.
He was apologetic but not overly so, I have to say. It was more “I use that word, I’ve heard you use it, it’s done”. He is a kind and gentle type but he has a temper that can come out when he’s had more than a few drinks, and there is a scary edge to that temper. He hasn’t been abusive but there have definitely been times I feel wary of him. Our relationship is…..flawed. I can be quite bossy towards him and I think he resents me for it. He had a hugely traumatic childhood and I think he definitely doesn’t engage with his own feelings, he’s all “I love you, everything is fine” with a look in his eye that says he wants to bludgeon me (not quite, being glib again). I have my own issues and am a bit codependent. It’s all a bit messy. (I’m not a cunt though, right?!?!??)
Anyway thanks again so much for replying, it really was a lifeline the other night, you get past the age where you can lift the phone and tell a friend that your husband called you a cunt! Some of you gave advice that I am really going to keep with me from here on in. Kisses to all of you (even those that said I probably am a cunt 😂).

@RealNewt that sounds as if you really love each other, but I’d gently suggest that you would benefit from a series of couples therapy sessions. It’s not healthy for you to be “bossy” with him, or for him to swallow his feelings and build up resentment about it. Couples therapy (speaking as someone who has done it for years as a Psychologist), shouldn’t be a last resort, or even just when a couple feel unhappy together. It can resolve issues that bother people and lead to much more contentment in the relationship 💐

Thank you, that is something I’ve been considering so maybe it’s time. It’s really nice that you interpreted that we love each other. Thanks ❤️

Erm and did you apologise OP? Agree with the poster above.

It’s done. See the OP updates

I did - can’t see where she apologised though?

🙄

Don’t know why you’re rolling your eyes. She should apologise. Her poor partner is all I can say.

She has explained that they both have issues. They are trying to work it out and considering counselling. Go off and Police something in your own life!

Where though??? I’m asking? I can’t see where she said she did!!!! Jesus.

Maybe she didn’t. They are working it out. FFS why are you so occupied with this? 🙄

You keep replying to me too - why are you so occupied? So yes, like I originally said before you decided to get involved for some reason, I hope the OP has apologised because she certainly hasn’t said she has like you originally claimed.

Oh for heavens sake. I didn’t say she had, I just said “it’s done” i.e. the situation. The reason I’m replying to you is because you are “picking’ at this and the OP is already worried about their issues and considering couples therapy. She really doesn’t need a MN provocateur like you.

The Pearl clutching on here is laughable. I can't believe grown adults in 2024 are still offended by words. Get a grip cunt is a great word.

Hmm I don’t think there’s anything wrong with holding people accountable. MN has a bad issue of just taking the woman’s side and I think you’re case in point.

Some of us have standards, some of us don’t. Clearly. There is not a chance that word would be welcomed in my circles.

@PuddlesPityParty you clearly haven’t read all of my responses on this thread.

I was thinking the exact same , I've called my partner quite a few things and him me and to his face , do I love him any less? No
It's a word I hate with a passion. But it is just venting , if he was screaming it in your face then thats different, my neighbours are Scottish and say it in every sentence yet you say Bitch they hate it ! ..(love my neighbours like family by the way ) I guess it depends on your relationship , but I wouldn't think it was the end because I had heard him mutter it to himself !! I prob would if said yes and u can be one to !