To feel this is the end because he called me a c€&t under his breath

[RealNewt]

Hi, I really need some advice. Just had a fight with DH while on holiday and walked out of the room. I changed my mind and walked back in, and heard him at the tail end of calling me a cunt to himself. He (under interrogation) admitted it. I am really shocked that he would call me this, even to himself. For the record, I wasn’t being particularly unreasonable or acting cuntish, it was just a stupid fight about nothing.

OP been with partner 22 years - we have def had our moments, what you have mentioned included, life is stressful and we say stuff out of frustration. Both cool off x

People on here think uou should end your marriage full stop if you’re married to a bloke. Any reason will do

Is he Scottish? It has unlimited meanings here (it's considered merely punctuation by many)
Is he worthy on any other levels?

I have had bad fights/words where you think its all over but it wasn't
ALWAYS go with your gut instinct! (it's why you have it!)
I wish you well in life and love X

is it? why? no body in my family has ever used such language to anyone else ever. Maybe its a normal day to day occurrence in your family, but unheard of in mine

I'll bet that or something similar has been muttered under someone's breath even in your family.

Never heard of anything like it in my family in my life

I see much "pearl clutching"

Is this even real?
Over and out - foxtrot oscar

Agreed!!!

I’ll call my OH it to his face if he deserves it 😂 and I love that man to death!

😂

Lol. It’s also unheard of in mine. Which is why if it DID happen I would consider other courses of action instead of immediately divorcing my husband for this single occurrence.

only you know what kind of disrespect it shows based on your relationship.

For me and my DH, it would be a big problem. He hates swearing so if I heard this it would show a huge level of disrespect and that he’s just not into me anymore. it would be very close to a dealbreaker. And vice versa.

For a family member of mine, she says c@nt every day, if she said her partner was one in an argument it really wouldn’t be a big deal and everyone would roll their eyes.

You can see a huge spectrum even on this thread. One thing I would say is that it did upset you and so you should talk to him about it.

TBH no, it wouldn't be the end of my marriage, but it would be the catalyst for a proper conversation.
If feelings are building up to get to this point, you need to talk and figure out what's going on in your marriage. Otherwise it doesn't spell out good things for your future together.

I'd honestly say that this is a crossroads though, the signs are there, you just have to decide what you're going to do, work at it and make it so this isn't the norm, or do you decide to walk away?

He called you a name under his breath when you were in another room?
So he’s a human then. He is expressing his feelings to himself.
People who are jumping to the fact that he ‘could be dangerous’ really need to give their head a wobble.

Only the daft c*ts 😅, the good c*ts would never 🤣

Yeah I agree with this.

I suspect this is the tip of the iceberg and if OP digs deeper she’ll find there’s other things he’s annoyed about but isn’t expressing his feelings which are building up.

And it’s definitely not a leap . Every day on Mumsnet there’s a various threads and posts with women declaring their husband or long term partner has “suddenly” declared they’ve had enough. But as they reflect more they see there were little signs of growing irritation they didn’t pick up on.

I’m pretty sure that making abusive comments aimed at somebody’s immutable characteristics is a hate crime, I would see about speaking to your local law enforcement and lodging a hate crime complaint. You can’t let him get away with this disgusting sexist abuse.

If my husband ever used the c word I would be referring him to GP and MH team .
Have been married for 35 years and he has never sworn or even remotely been grumpy.Yes maybe a bit stressy but not intimidating.

Weird. Having a ''relationship'' is not like having a job, you don't have to have a shit relationship until you get a better relationship. I think some women get this confused.

Hear hear! I think men get this confused too though tbf the amount of men I’ve met who are still living with their partner/wife while looking for a new girlfriend is crazy lol

again this is why when some women claim their partners have suddenly left them they don’t realise the man has been planning it for a while

Sounds awful 😣 hope things get better for you!

OP- it’s ALL about context .. some people say this word as ‘banter’ and if they’re ok with that then it’s no problem to anyone else really.

If he said it in a silly ‘sing song’ voice while sighing etc then it was said (imo) like ‘i’ve had enough ,, good night’

If he was drunk /tipsy (only say this cause you’re on holiday ) then drunk could be a factor

if he’s desperately saying this as it’s the ‘straw that broke the camels back’ and just say he’s at the end of his tether and there’s been a build up of him zipping his mouth and this tipped him over the edge and he said it in pure frustration over a build up of things rather then this just being a ‘silly fight over nothing’ as you state

Or he’s never said it and to say it in a serious tone /voice (only you can be the judge of that ) then he hates you

if you think it’s the latter i’d try to make the most of the holiday as NO good will come from ‘talking it over’ while on a lovely probably expensive trip

if it still bothers you or festers at you though when you’re back try writing him an email and/or a verbal frank cinvsrsration .. see how you both genuinely feel about each other .. dont make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings or emotions

this day and age is do common to go to couples counselling .. it’s really no different from hiring a personal trainer for an hour here and there

don’t throw in the towel (just yet) and just for now while you’re on holiday when /if you feel like you wanna vent /go mad it question him have a quick plan B .. you’ve gotta call your mum , you wanna check the girly market stalls and boutiques for window shopping or buying gifts , you wanna go to the indoor pool to get some exercise lengths in as the outdoor pool too noisy busy .. you want to take some she if pictures on your camera/iphone, get stuck into a book ..ANYTHING ! and chances are you’ll be less annoyed as the time passes

always play the long game op .. you’re not doing it for him you’re doing it for you to have a nice end of the holiday and no bad memories of arguments

and lastly remember what’s others say about you says more about THEM then it does YOU .. so this is much easier said then done but try with all your might to not take what anyone says or thinks of you PERSONALLY as what they say and think lies with them and is none of our business. have a wonderful holiday op

ps. sorry my post is incoherent.. just out of hospital and very very bad vision .. hope it makes even a little bit of sense 🙃

I think what a person says under his breath is his own business.

Oh I’ve read it all now! 🤣 “I’d like to report my husband for calling me a c*, please stop investigating all the murders, rapes and theft to arrest and charge him”
this was a joke right? Sarcasm yes?!?

Good post. I agree.

I did this after a row and DH had pissed me off. Walked out the room muttering … hadn’t realised our teen DD was in the next room. “Mum did you just call dad a cunt” …. “NO I wouldn’t do that you’ve misheard.

We’ve been together over 30 years and rarely argue and I don’t even swear that much. Let it go OP, enjoy your hols.