To feel this is the end because he called me a c€&t under his breath

[RealNewt]

Hi, I really need some advice. Just had a fight with DH while on holiday and walked out of the room. I changed my mind and walked back in, and heard him at the tail end of calling me a cunt to himself. He (under interrogation) admitted it. I am really shocked that he would call me this, even to himself. For the record, I wasn’t being particularly unreasonable or acting cuntish, it was just a stupid fight about nothing.

Jesus, you may end up very lonely if you’d end a relationship over that. In a row, it’s quite normal to fling a nasty insult at a partner. DH and I spend most of our time loved-up even after 16 years together (I know 🤮), but in a (rare row), a sweary insult or two is used as an expression of annoyance, frustration etc.

Give the guy a break YABU

No it really doesn’t 🙄

wow, what a low bar you must have. Give the poor guy a break?? Why? Is he entitled to call the @RealNewt op a cunt?

and as for your comment ''you'd end up lonely'' well as a single person I'm happy to be single if the alternative is such a fear of being lonely that you'd stay with somebody who called you a cunt.

Weird. Having a ''relationship'' is not like having a job, you don't have to have a shit relationship until you get a better relationship. I think some women get this confused.

Because words have meaning? I really don't get what you don't understand about such a basic concept?

Many people, men in particular use the word cunt to express hatred of someone. People get offended when someone uses a word used to express hatred about them. Why is that difficult to understand?

I agree, you don’t my point is that a sweary expression of anger shouldn’t damage an otherwise great, loving, mutually supportive relationship.

Oh my goodness.

Are people really advising an someone to end their marriage because her husband was upset, thought he was alone and muttered something unpleasant (it's certainly not a word I would ever use) under his breath?

Does marriage really mean so little to you?

People are allowed not to be perfect. People are allowed to get angry. He did not shout abuse at her. He muttered something under his breath and the OP states she had to interrogate him to get him to admit what he said.

To be honest I would be more upset if someone felt they had the right to interrogate me rather than they muttered something not meant for anyone to hear.

Haven’t RTFT but I would have said something like - as we are married and equal you are also a cunt.

I agree and would feel very concerned of the underlying sentiment (misogyny and contempt) and that it was a day to day disagreement, that this is his underlying opinion.

Your 2nd post suggests you have a hunch of the same, I think you should listen to your gut instinct about the relationship as it seems you caught him out on it.

But why is it worse if someone calls you a cunt opposed to a twat? People will be less offended by twat. That is what I don’t understand

I'd be very shocked if I heard my husband calling me this, but then I've never, ever, heard him use this word. But as you also use this terminology it appears it's something that shouldn't be as shocking to you! So why get so upset about it?

Seriously, you would end a marriage for this? Ridiculous response.

Maybe it's just me, but if I ever felt so angry with a partner that I felt like calling him a slur, I think it's a sign I don't love him anymore. I could never say or think that about someone I like, let alone love.

I have ended my past relationships long before it got to that point.

Are you Scottish? If not, it’s an insult that you weren’t meant to hear, so forget it …everyone’s a c#t here! good, bad or ugly ‘the very best c#t’ in the world is everyone’s bestie x

I couldn’t and wouldn’t end a marriage or relationship over someone calling me that but we are a sweary couple. I get it’s a horrible word but when I am frustrated I can’t lie it may slip out! Massive over reaction in my opinion!

Only you know what it means to you.

I personally call my partner all sorts of things but for us that is normal. It is not that deep at all. Like I'll call him a name while laughing and teasing him. I might say something in exasperation. It would not bother me. But if he screamed something in my face or acted aggressively or something like that - very different story.

I'll bet many of your hair would curl at the names I have muttered under my breath when my husband is annoying. :)😂

I only call people like Putin, Netanyahu, HAMAS, Trump, Johnson, Truss, Sunak and murderers/child abusers that word, so I agree OP I'd be so hurt to hear my partner call me it, however quietly.

What do people who call their partners that, call people who wreck lives or kill? Superc***s?

You cant really ask anyone else as it all comes down to your individual level of tolerance. Reminds me of that couple on Father Ted.

If he didn’t mean for you to hear, no issue
If he did, big issue

He didn't actually call you a c* to your face.

However, he really didn't like you after that "argument over nothing". He was very angry.

Maybe at your diva behaviour for storming out a room "over nothing".

There is a difference between being directly rude to someone's face (and hoping to humiliate them) and cursing and swearing when alone about someone who has made you angry.

But I'm not sure if you stormed out like an entitled diva, or you just needed 5 minutes to yourself to calm down.

So what. Just forget about it and move on. It's only a word.

Everyones a bit of a c**t sometimes

I don't think it's a case of LTB, but I'd be monitoring the health of my marriage much more closely after that for sure.
Are there some ways the two of you can build the closeness in your relationship back up?

Are people honestly suggesting they would throw they hat in on a marriage because their DH muttered theC word to himself? 😂