To feel this is the end because he called me a c€&t under his breath

[RealNewt]

Hi, I really need some advice. Just had a fight with DH while on holiday and walked out of the room. I changed my mind and walked back in, and heard him at the tail end of calling me a cunt to himself. He (under interrogation) admitted it. I am really shocked that he would call me this, even to himself. For the record, I wasn’t being particularly unreasonable or acting cuntish, it was just a stupid fight about nothing.

However some people use the C word all the time. They probably grew up in house where people were f'ing and blinding all the time

Completely the opposite.

I've thought c bomb and am sure I've said it about a loved one but would just say it privately to myself.

It's a bit holier than thou for so many to protest they'd never utter a bad word. I accept that many find the word very unpleasant but it's that unpleasantness that some of us find cathartic when expressing it ( privately to ourselves). 😁
I personally love the c bomb for my own personal private use. It really helps me discharge anger and upset. I am an incredibly empathic person and don't like bullies etc, so I don't think you should judge someone if they use c bomb privately

If he wanted you to hear then I feel a little differently about it. If he called you this in an argument I'd also have an issue with it.

We've all got a dark side with unpleasant elements at times. It's just unfortunate you saw it on this occasion.

Everyone is an arsehole occasionally 🙄

I think if it was genuinely to himself and you (unfortunately) heard it, it's about the same as reading a diary in my mind - we are all free to think what we want in our own heads. I think if most of us had been heard saying what we mutter to ourselves, we'd feel pretty embarrassed.

Obviously this would be a totally difficult conversation if he'd said it to you, or knowingly within ear shot.

Hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday.

He was letting off steam under his breath when angry and he believed you wouldn’t hear. Swearing to ourselves does that, keeps us calm sometimes! The real answer is how he responds if you brought it up. Sorry Iv not time to RTFT so not sure if u did but if he apologised profusely and was gutted you heard that’s onething/ that’s very different to him shrugging it off, if he shrugged it off he may aswell have said it to your face in which case I’d dump.

That’s very sad, can you not leave? no one deserves that abuse, nor should they take it,

I have to agree with you.

It's such a derogatory word for a woman, when used by men.

It's a word I would never use, and maybe I'm a bit prudish ( even though I've been known to swear like a navvy) but I hate how this word has become commonly used.

is it usually part of his vocabulary? if yes then chill out its only a word

if he doesnt ever say it then maybe yes id read into it a bit more

i personally use the word a lot (i work in a pub and its very common there and not always in a horrible way), but for example my sister never ever says it and is horrified by the usage
its very situational in my opinion

Jaysus, what an overreaction.

And what is that something?

I called my husband a cunt to his face but matter of factly helpfully pointing out he was being one in case he didn't realise.

We are still together and very happy

My partner of 14 years called me this last year during an argument, I sat him down a day after, cried and told him calmly if he ever called me that again it was over and I meant it.

I can't say I'd be thrilled but I agree with @Alwaysgothiccups:

On here there was recently a thread about a husband who'd read a wife's diary where she had been upset and writing negative things about the marriage.
The general consensus was that he was wrong to read her diary. That it was a place where she could work through her emotions in privacy.

I don't see this scenario as much different.
This man thought he was alone. He wasn't aggressively calling her a cunt he was expressing his annoyance whilst thinking he was alone. This is not something he would have chosen to say to her face.

It’s a word OP , some people hate words like 'moist' but it’s just a word

i dont mind being called a cunt, sometimes I enjoy being one, l've even got the T-shirt (ignore the hairs). I very very very rarely use it in every day life. I really hate being called a twat and had an ex who called me that because he didn’t think anything of it from his viewpoint

i absolutely get why you are upset but as other posters have said, unless there are other issues speak to him about the word and try and move on. I'm sure we’ve all been in a train, planes and automobile situation where we've said all the words to ourselves rather than in public

I've called my DH an arsehole and then immediately retracted it. We were playfully bickering about something. I said "Haha! You arsehole." I almost never swear though, so I was quite shocked with myself and said "Oh God! You're not an arsehole. I didn't mean that, I'm so sorry!" he was just laughing the entire time. No ill-intent. My DH has called me a bitch before if I've won something on the premium bonds and he hasn't. Again, playful and no ill-intent.

If you've never heard him say that before, then it might be a cause for concern, but not a relationship-ender. I'd want to get him to talk to me and be honest with how he feels so I can help him. You are a team, you help each other out.

If you were calm, why did you cry?

He didn’t “call you a cnt”, he muttered it under his breath after you had an argument and walked out then came back in. That’s entirely different thing to him saying “you’re a cnt” in an argument. For the record, I hate that word, which is beside the point. I love DH but when we’ve argued at times I know I’ll have called him a “f*cking b3llrnd” or similar under my breath.

It would be a dealbreaker for me.

I use the word cunt as a term of endearment 😂 so to use it in anger it has no effect. For me wouldn’t be a dealbreaker but I know some hate the word so can completely understand why you have such negative feelings around it. That said, I think maybe my judgement on right and healthy might be off, just out of an abusive relationship so perhaps name calling for me I’m numb to

That's the 'casual cunting off' phase!

Call him a cunt back!

I've muttered names about my husband when I'm angry and I love him to bits. If he had screamed at you you're a cunt then he'd be an asshole and you would be justified in leaving him.
But this was a one off that you weren't even supposed to hear. I would let it go. He muttered it because he was angry but knew he shouldn't be angry with you which is why he was muttering.

I cried first, then after he apologised I told him calmly without shouting that if he called me it again I would leave.

@OnTheBoardwalk 🤣 love that top!

This wouldnt bother me but then in Scotland its a common word to use really and i dont understand why its deemed so "bad".

Sound C - good guy
Worst C - b*stard
Daft C - idiot
Ripping the C - taking the piss
Fell on my C - fell on your bum, back, head
SomeC - anyone
That C - this person
Dose of the C - being very annoying

Its very versatile 😂

I mean, if he was screaming in your face aggressively then yes, that totally inappropriate but muttering a name under his breath? I mean, i do that to the kids! I think if thats the end, theres far more reasons than just that.

Would it be any different if he'd just been thinking it anyway? Or is the fact it was in his head and popped out of his mouth quietly? No-one knows what awful things we might think about each other, it was just unfortunate it was audible. Personally, I'd shout, "No, YOU c*nt!" & probably laugh about it later on when we'd made friends again. Not worth splitting up over xx