To feel this is the end because he called me a c€&t under his breath

[RealNewt]

Hi, I really need some advice. Just had a fight with DH while on holiday and walked out of the room. I changed my mind and walked back in, and heard him at the tail end of calling me a cunt to himself. He (under interrogation) admitted it. I am really shocked that he would call me this, even to himself. For the record, I wasn’t being particularly unreasonable or acting cuntish, it was just a stupid fight about nothing.

I don’t understand why cunt is worse than say, twat?

As I said upthread, we are not name-callers. But if we were, I wouldn’t take extra offence at cunt than any other profanity.

I guarantee that if he had flounced out of the room, then came back in and interrogated you then posters would be saying you were entirely justified in calling him a cunt as he was behaving like one

Totally agree I would have responded with another insult and left it at that

This. It's more or less the sane as him thinking it, none of your business.

It shows a level of contempt and deep dislike, even hatred of you. Yes, I do think it’s very very serious

wow; I’ve been with my husband 30 years, suspect at some point I’ve called him every expletive under the sun, and we have a very easy going real with few arguments.

horrified anyone would write it means, contempt, hate and dislike, but then I habe seen on here that telling people their relationship is bad is a sport for some posters.

Exactly this. What was your plan @RealNewt? Just had a fight with DH while on holiday and walked out of the room. I changed my mind and walked back in sounds like you planned to re ignite the fight? But now you can go full blown wronged party.

So he expressed his anger to himself and you happened to walk in at an unfortunate moment?

have you never been so frustrated that you have had to get it out in peace?

I know lots of people find that cunt is a powerful word but it is just a word. He didn’t say it to you. Would you feel the same way if he called you a dick head with the same feelings behind the word? Or a for fucks sake?

emotions were running high it may have felt worse than it was in the moment.

Yeah I doubt she was going back to say sorry.

@Stingofthelash because I asked a question?

Gosh.

I’m struggling to get past this terrible comment, and that someone would actually write such a thing.

So people can't even think a word now, in private, never intending anyone to hear?

No wonder you suspect that he represses his feelings op. Of course he does. Even private thoughts are policed now.

You'd be doing yourself a huge favour...

I agree.

I think a lot depends on the context of the argument but last week dh and I had the most stupid row (married 15 years), we were watching a Tv series and I fell asleep during part of it and when I woke up I snapped at him - being honest I was annoyed with myself for falling asleep and missing part of it - and he kept telling me to rewind it and the button wouldn’t work etc anyway all very stupid, I snapped, he snapped and then I said I was going to bed and under his breath he called me a dick (😳🤣) it actually makes me laugh now because were absolutely fine again and I know I was being a bit of a dick so fair enough. But I guess if it was something huge and there’s a festering resentment maybe that changes things.

Well it was obviously not a fight about nothing for him.

Exactly! I’ve never known why people take such offence to it

yes, something about that word that puts it into a different category to other swear words. I can understand why you are upset. This needs to be discussed when things are calmer. Take care

I don't know - it depends what sort of language he usually uses. Neither DH nor I use the C word and if DH said it about me I'd be really taken aback.
However some people use the C word all the time. They probably grew up in house where people were f'ing and blinding all the time. To them the C word is very much part of their every day language. If my DH often used the C word and I heard him mutter it to himself after an argument, I don't think I'd end the marriage over it.

I called my ex far worse during arguments and yes he’s my ex but we didn’t split up over any name calling in the heat of an argument. I wouldn’t be impressed but would I end an otherwise happy (I assume) relationship over being called that? Absolutely not and neither would most here saying they would

This

sadly I’m called that everytime we fight, so daily, I m in envy of everyone lovely husbands who would never used that kind of words, sadly some of us dont have the luck of these amazing DHs , even they looked perfect when we dated or got married …

My ex despised the word. It was something I knew about him for a long time. He wouldn't call his worst enemy it. He said to me so many times. So when he started calling me it. In front of our 2 yo, that was our marriage over. Its less the word, more the disrespect ....contempt, it stood for. That was the issue. Only you can make that judgement.

You can make your own luck.

If you're unhappy, leaving isn't easy but it's doable.

I am stunned at the amount of posters here saying 'this is a dealbreaker,' 'this is the end,' 'LTB!' etc because their husband called them a cunt in the heat of a massive row. No wonder divorce rates are so high if people give up on their marriage for something so ridiculous. Good grief.

waits for the 'I have higher standards, and more respect for myself' type comments! 🙄

Me and dh are big cunters! It's just a word and the power is stripped when you use it often. Yes, calling someone names under your breath and flicking the Vs is normal angry, venting behaviour. That word is no different to any others. Maybe he did hate you for a second, so what??

I mean I'm sure for many there where a whole range of other factors.