To feel this is the end because he called me a c€&t under his breath

[RealNewt]

Hi, I really need some advice. Just had a fight with DH while on holiday and walked out of the room. I changed my mind and walked back in, and heard him at the tail end of calling me a cunt to himself. He (under interrogation) admitted it. I am really shocked that he would call me this, even to himself. For the record, I wasn’t being particularly unreasonable or acting cuntish, it was just a stupid fight about nothing.

When it is screamed in your face.
When it is said in front of your children.
When it is said in front of any other people.

NOT when it is muttered under his breath when he thinks he's alone.

What is wrong with you? Is it just a case of misery loves company?

@Stingofthelash was that "What is wrong with you?" directed at me?

My husband has never called me a name - that I’ve heard! We row, but we don’t start name calling.

Having said that, I don’t think it’s a calamity. And muttered under his breath is hardly aggressive. And it’s very satisfying to say cunt if you’re annoyed 😬 I certainly enjoy saying it in the car on occasion.

I think its better he was muttering it under his breath than to your face. He was angry, which is allowed, he wasn't beating you over the head with it but having a private moment. I'd probably be even more pissed off at being castigated for saying something to myself. The whole being forced to admit under interrogation business would wind me right up even more!

I love my husband but sometimes he infuriates me and I curse his very existence and call him all sorts. Some of these replies imply you can't even have negative thoughts about your spouse, which is all it was as he wasn't aware you could hear.

Yes.

Surely its what YOUR boundaries are - if it is a dealbreaker, then dump the guy. Some couples swear and some dont - clearly you are in the dont camp - fair enough, he's crossed a line, he will have to deal with the fall out. If you are willing to divorce your husband over him calling you a cunt - then so be it. He's crossed your line. I would call my husband a cunt to his face, if he was being one, but its not a dealbreaker for me, and if he's being cuntish... well...

This wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me. I f he regularly called me names or was disrespectful but if not, I would treat it as a one off.

I think here it entirely depends on the frequency of the usage of the word cunt in your household. I call my husband it to his face when he’s being one because we are generally a sweary household. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me.

But others are absolutely disgusted by the word and it would be a dealbreaker so it’s hard to say really.

In Scotland the word cunt is often used as a term of endearment! It’s certainly not considered anywhere near as offensive as it is on MN so it wouldn’t bother me at all, even if he used it in an argument. Words only have power if you allow them to have that power so it’s entirely up to you. Though, I do think him muttering under his breath after you’ve left the room is completely different to him calling you it directly. If he apologises for the upset caused, I’d move past. It’s not worth ruining a relationship for.

for what it’s worth I’m terrible at giving my DP’s back (or the direction he is in) a middle finger when he frustrates me 😂 but I wouldn’t do it to his face. we all have our own ways.

I used to do this to my mum growing up, once my door was shut I'd whisper like "I hate you so much, worst mum ever" and stick my fingers up at her 🤣🤣

Mumsnet - the most dramatic place on Earth! I thought Reddit was OTT but JFC. Any minor indiscretion and everyone is LTB/Dealbreaker/Abuse. Must be great to live in the glasshouses so many of you do!

I've been married 23 years and I love my husband to pieces.

Last year during a menopausal rant, I called him a cunt to his face.

I apologised and genuinely meant it. He accepted and that was that.

Done and dusted.

Interestingly the OP using the word 'interrogation' for how she interacted with the dh but that's apparently fine!

And other way round.

I never understood why people are so offended by the word? Yes it’s not pleasant but if someone calls you one or something else why is it always seen as worse. He called you it under his breath when you had left the room so while it’s not nice to hear it’s not like he shouting at you calling you one. I find it very hard to believe you have never called your husband or anyone a name under your breath when angry

I think many of us would be very shocked indeed to discover what our mild mannered loved ones think and say in the privacy of their own heads (or in what they believe to be the privacy of an empty room!) when they need to off load some anger.
It's really unfortunate you heard something never intended for your ears, but if we're honest, most of us would admit to a little inward rage, surely? I think if he has never spoken to you like that and is suitably mortified that you were hurt by something you'd never have known he was thinking, I'd be inclined to get past it. I would be interested to know in your shoes what enraged him so much about what you thought were ordinary cross words though.

Sounds like you have form for walking out of arguments.

It also seems to me that you have got what you wanted.

To be able to return to a room to carry on with the argument, caught him out and used that not only to "win" but be a martyr as well.

Relatively speaking, the C word being so inexcusably taboo is fairly recent and it was just a reasonably common word for a lady's downstairs for ages.

It's also amusing as fuck when MNers start pearl clutching over the word when MN is one of the few places where that particular word can be used, and is used frequently, online. For relatively minor "offenses".

Yet a man muttering it under his breath when he's alone is vilified!

And OP interrogated him! That's not OK. If anything he's the one who needs to LTB with that attitude

I haven't read the rest of the thread but want to say that I wish I had ended things the first time exH called me that. It would have saved me 10yrs of misery and suffering.

I'm sorry you're in this position. Know your worth and know in what context you would find it acceptable to call someone that. That will give you your answer.

Totally depends on the relationship you have. If I walked in on DH calling me that we’d both just laugh because he’d been busted and vice versa.

But if you don’t have that sort of relationship it’s an issue, that’s why I don’t think anyone can say whether YABU or not.

It's a vile word to use but it wasn't meant to be heard, still It implies there isn't much respect or love there really. Unless your DH is a sweary type and to him the word was just a vent he uses a lot? It's hard to tell.
I could imagine muttering some words after a fight but not that one but maybe I am being prissy about it, it seems to be a bit strong for a bit of a fall out on holiday.
Really It's how your marriage is generally and the bigger picture only you can know if it's likely he really feels that about you.

Not sure
If DH muttered it, and I heard, then was really sorry, I think I’d get past it.

If a man ever called me that to my face, they’d be gone.

It’s a really horrible, repulsive word and to use it on someone is a last resort and for me it’s only reserved for, well a total c**t.

In an otherwise healthy marriage where you have no desire to split up, absolutely not. Rather ridiculous in my opinion and WAY too much gravitas on a stupid word muttered to oneself in a heated moment. Overreaction, but MN does tend to overreact on something like this.

I agree

Op, habe you honestly never done it yourself? Muttered bastard, fucker, cunt, or any other expletive under your breath after an argument, if you haven’t you’re a genuinely rare person, as I think most of us have at some point.