Big bust up over holiday, but who's unreasonable about DC?

[on103]

We are due to go on holiday in a couple of weeks. Me, H, our DC and H's older DC.

He is self employed and it's the root cause of 99% of our issues. I am aware how difficult it can be but he absolutely uses it as an excuse to get out of certain aspects of family life. He is a workaholic imo.

Something has "cropped up" and he is now making noises about not being able to make the holiday. I'm so furious. I don't even know why I'm surprised. We have had a big argument about it with him saying I don't appreciate how hard he works (as if I don't) and me feeling like he never makes time for us. It will be the first holiday we've had as a family in years.

He has "kindly" suggested that I go by myself with DC which I've said don't worry I will be. However he was shocked when I said he could break to DSC that there wasn't a holiday anymore.

He seems to think he can duck out but I'll just go off with all the kids and leave him free for a week. I have said absolutely not. I'm going with DC but I am not going to take DSC too and let him duck out of his responsibilities. He can stay if he wants but he'll have to be the one to let them down.

I'm half minded to just never come back as it is!

Who is being unreasonable? (Aside from DH being a twat in general)...

Me for saying I'm not taking all the kids alone

Or DH for expecting me to just fuck off for a week with all the kids so he can work.

Certainly living up to her username

Would it be a mumsnet thread if someone with absolutely no skin in the game didn’t pick the stupidest hill they could find to die on? 😂

I know but I feel compelled to defend the OP who is in such a difficult situation. I hope she is ok!

I don't think we will ever know @TorturedPoetsDepartmentAnthology , I doubt she will be back to update unfortunately

Hi,

We are here now. No H and no SC. I have come with my mother and my DC.

So far having a lovely time, no idea what will happen when we get back. Probably separation to be honest as I'm fed up of living as though I don't have a partner.

SC we're understandably upset but my husband can live with the guilt of that. His ex is furious with him too so I suspect he's not having a great time at home.

Sorry to say OP but I wouldn't be surprised if your husband was having an affair, or at the very least has disengaged from your relationship. I hope you have a lovely holiday, focus on yourself and your child.

Good for you OP. Enjoy your holiday

Good, glad he’s not having a good time

I hope you have a lovely holiday. Good on you for not feeding into his shit

Good for you OP. Have a brilliant time.

I’m glad you went. Surprised he didn’t back down, but I guess his actions tell you everything you needed to know.

Have a good time.

The funniest part is he's not even been able to work as much as he wanted because he's had to look after the kids! 😀

I don't think he's having an affair but to be honest I'm at the point of not even caring if he is.

So glad you stuck to your guns @on103 and also not surprised that he didn't pull through for his kids in the end.
Enjoy the rest of your holiday 💐

Good for you! Have a fantastic break with your mum and your children, don’t give him a thought and have loads of fun.

Once you’re back I’d see a lawyer and get yourself prepared to dump him. He’s a weight around your neck and you deserve better.

Good for you. Enjoy your holiday. Shame about your husband, you can do so much better than him.

I hope you have a lovely holiday. Maybe your DH will have a good think about his behaviour and attitude and pull his socks up when you get back!

Well done you.

Your actions are what divide you from women who have stressed miserable lives with losers like him.

You drew a line and you stuck to it.
We teach people how to treat us, particularly those close to us.

He's a shit husband and father.
Let this be the beginning of a new future for you and your child.

No futher skivvy aupair for his children.
From now on his childcare issues are his alone.
Let his ex be furious with him, it is ALL his fault.

He thought you were a total MUG, he was wrong.
That he would do that to HIS children tells you he is a selfish arse that will NEVER change.

Don't waste your future being his skivvy.
You deserve so much better.

Enjoy your holiday.

I think your husband was unreasonable to not go on holiday but also how unreasonable you also are to the step children and also your own child as they all could have been having fun together on holiday I would say you and your husband are both unreasonable

Why should she take the blame when it's all down to her husband's actions. If op took the step kids she's telling him again he can just step away from parenting and let her pick up the slack as usual. Yes it's shitty for the step kids but it's not on op to make up for their dad being so shit. This is the straw that broke the camels back and it's just a long line of disappointment these poor kids can expect from him I suspect

I never said she should take the blame. I said they are both unreasonable and the only ones suffering are the children. When you marry someone who has children and they stay with you half the week you are more than just a step parent- you are caring for the children as if you are their parent unfortunately that’s just how it is, I’m sure OP would not like it if her own child was treated like this when they were obviously looking forward to the holiday, her mum has came on the trip and it’s not exactly as if the sc are toddlers and I’m sure the op’s own child was looking forward to a holiday with their siblings as I said just unfortunate for all children involved as ALL adults have been unreasonable and OP just needs to get a divorce as she obviously doesn’t want a blended family and her husband is useless

What a prize prick he is.
I can't believe he actually decided not to go on holiday and that he didn't care enough about his children to take time off his self-employed work to go on holiday with them. I feel sorry for the DSC.
It was outrageous of him to think that he could get to stay at home for a week and you would take all of the children on your own on holiday.
I'm self-employed and it's not always easy but if you want to, you can easily allocate a week or two weeks' holiday once a year. And you should be doing that for your own health, whether you have children or not. If he's not able to organize himself to be able to have the week off for a planned holiday then he's either a) hopelessly incompetent or b) doesn't want to spend time with his children (and you) which makes him a shit father and partner.

I think you should split with him once you get back. This just isn't working for you.

The OP is most certainly NOT responsible.

He learnt a lesson in "actions and consequences".

He was told EXACTLY what the consequences of his actions would be, and he still has chosen the action.

The consequences are EXACTLY of his choosing.
HIS children are HIS collateral damage in this, not the OP.
HER child is with her.

He probably thought the OP would buckle and of his Ex would step in.

They haven't.
He's a BMD, (bare minimum dad),a total loser and his children will harshly judge HIM, in the future, NOT the OP who will hopefully have long since rightly dumped his ass.

Wow. I can't believe he actually didn't go. His poor DC (that's not on you). What an absolute arse. I'd be separating too.

Hope you enjoy your holiday, op. Glad your mum went with you

Good for you op. He needs to see you as more than just staff... See how much work he gets done if you ltb and he has all the dc to look after 50/50...

Well done Op. Hope you have an amazing time!

No, she’s literally just a stepparent, no matter how much time they spend there. She isn’t their parent and she isn’t responsible for them, and she’s certainly not responsible for providing free childcare for him because he doesn’t want to take responsibility for them as their actual parent. He’s the one that let his children down, not her. I’m also sure OP’s child is enjoying his holiday plenty with his mother and grandmother.

You’re entitled to your opinion as to what ‘blended family’ means in practice, and totally free to organise your own accordingly. That doesn’t mean anyone else has to share that opinion, and/or do the same.