Waste of time holidaying with a disabled person

[justasking111]

I'm really hurt because husband has just said you'll be a nightmare on holiday because you need a new hip. He's sick and tired of dropping me off near our destination and going off to park because it hurts me to walk far.

Our son has invited us to join them on a villa holiday in Portugal. I think husband would prefer to leave me at home.

The thing is I'd be around to watch the children, babysit which husband wouldn't do.

I'd love to be fitter but between my scoliosis and hip issues I admit I'm a bit slow on my feet.

Am I being unreasonable to want to go, my kids and grandkids have no issues.

Leave your ‘d’ husband behind!

Are you due to get a new hip?

It sounds rude of him?

I think it would be better if you went, and left your H at home

I have a disabled son. He's 21. We went to Greece last year and just adapted what we did, and it was fab.

Your husband is a selfish twat.

Go to Portugal, enjoy your family time, don’t give a second thought to the DH.

You should definitely go OP. I've a DH who moans on about my health issues too, I just ignore him or moan about him as well. Talk to him, he might not realise how he sounds. Tell him what you will enjoy about it.

He doesn't need to worry about dropping you off anywhere anymore because you're going without him.

He is an absolute prick.

For you though, have you considered a mobility scooter? Perhaps hire one in Portugal if you want to?

My parents both use them and wheek off at high speed leaving me to catch up 😂 Highly recommend them.

Why can't he buy you a lightweight foldable wheelchair if that helps you get around

I'm disabled, and I actually left my husband, as in split up, in part due to his inability to holiday with me. He was rude, judgemental, impatient and selfish on holiday (behind his holier than thou public face of the Hero Man With The Disabled Wife.... the wife who he regularly strode in front of/left behind, argued with, didn't make any adaptations for my needs, made this actively more difficult etc etc).

Your husband is an arsehole and doesn't deserve you. You didn't choose to have physical difficulties, you're not worth any less because of them, and he is supposed to care for and love you primarily. Honestly I would take a very serious look at what he actually adds to your life.

I’m on the fence with this one if I’m totally honest.
We holidayed a couple of years ago with my step dad who needs a wheel chair most of the time. It was soooo hard work. I was exhausted just helping my mum and sometimes it didn’t feel like a holiday. I work all year and really look forward to relaxing on my breaks. (I KNOW this makes me sound selfish).
My mum goes twice a year with him and I know it’s really hard work for her (in her 70s herself) but they adapt their breaks to make it work for them.
If it was DH then I’d do it without complaining, that’s what marriage is and we would find breaks that fit our current health situations.

I take my disabled mum on holiday. Your husband is a knob. Leave him at home

So much for in sickness and in health.

Oh you're an inconvenience so let's just leave you behind.

Sounds like it's your husband who is a waste of time.

My husband is disabled and yes, funnily enough, his needs don't magically disappear on holiday, same as you don't get to magically stop parenting your small child but it's still a holiday.

Some people are unbelievably selfish

It was rude of him to say that but it definitely changes a holiday dynamic with a disabled person. We really have to restrict our holiday activities if we go with PILs as FIL can't walk far at all, and our usual holidays with dcs are very active, theme parks, exploring NT sites etc. FIL is too proud to use a mobility scooter or wheelchair but it would make a difference.

Definitely consider something like a mobility scooter because it sounds like it would help.

Couple of things

1. maybe point out to him in sickness and in health and what would he want to do if he had an accident and was permanently in a wheelchair. expect you to leave him at home forever?
2. if you are struggling to walk, request wheelchair assistance at the airport - some airports are massive so even if you have mobility for short distances, yo ucan't manage a whole airport - wheelchair assistance makes such a big difference for long airport treks.

What a dick! If I were you I'd go by myself and leave him behind.

I had a back injury years ago and was wheelchair bound for a while and then had to use crutches for a while longer. We still went on holiday and of course it made things a bit trickier as my mobility was so limited. My husband happily shouldered the extra load because that's what you bloody well do when you love someone. Sickness and health and all that.

Oof that's got me proper frothing for you, what an inconsiderate arsehole.

Oh yes it must have been such a bind your holiday ruined !

Op go yourself leave him at home you can ask for airport assistance you don't need him.!

What a twat your husband is.

Perhaps you could consider a replacement husband instead of a replacement hip.

I would imagine that yes going on holiday with someone with a very severe disability requiring feeding tubes or other complex Medical equipment would be difficult but still worth whil.

Someone with a bit of a dodgy hip though would likely thrive on holiday, lots of swimming / hydrotherapy, plenty of Vit D, being around grandchildren sounds perfect to me. Sure you might chose not to go hiking one day etc and stay and enjoy some peace at the villa but that would still be a break. Lounging by the pool with a book and some sangria sounds great

I'd book to go away without him.

If your kids and grandkids have no issues, of course you should go.
Maybe your son could be the one who drops you off, so that you don't have to put up with your DH whinging.

He is a complete prick. My DH is in his position and has managed to not complain once though I am sure he must feel it as it is currently really limiting and a far cry from a few years ago when we used to go running together.

Is your hip being done? I had a call from the hospital this morning and the end is in sight for me.

He sounds like a real fun sponge

Any chance you can go by yourself and leave the moaning dickhead at home?

I'm disabled

Going on holiday with someone who is disabled does change what you can do.

So he would be reasonable to book holidays away on his own or with other friends etc etc.

He would be very unreasonable never to holiday with you.

I holiday on my own and I bloody love it. Wheelchair assistance at the airport, inclusive hotels.

Sounds like he's a twat though. My ExH hated it when I became disabled.