Waste of time holidaying with a disabled person

[justasking111]

I'm really hurt because husband has just said you'll be a nightmare on holiday because you need a new hip. He's sick and tired of dropping me off near our destination and going off to park because it hurts me to walk far.

Our son has invited us to join them on a villa holiday in Portugal. I think husband would prefer to leave me at home.

The thing is I'd be around to watch the children, babysit which husband wouldn't do.

I'd love to be fitter but between my scoliosis and hip issues I admit I'm a bit slow on my feet.

Am I being unreasonable to want to go, my kids and grandkids have no issues.

I don't need a wheelchair I just need a husband who will slow down and perhaps let me lean on him on a walk

You could hire a wheelchair or a scooter? Not ideal but it would give you freedom and allow you to get about.

It sounds like your holiday was badly planned and that was the real reason. It could be the same if say you’d had a toddler with you, you should always tailor to the needs.

What is there to be embarrassed about?

What happens if he sees younger people struggling? What an odd thing to be embarrassed by!

I need neither

Hahaha looking back re toddlers I was always the one with the pushchair and bags struggling to keep up with him as he strode ahead tutting 😂

I mean being in pain and discomfort means you can use a wheelchair temporarily it would add to your independence means you are not struggling.

YANBU

I'm currently recovering from serious injury and shoulder surgery and am due to go on holiday in a couple of weeks. My husband is doing everything in his power to ensure I can still go and enjoy myself and be as comfortable as possible. Your husband is an arse.

I do agree with others that it may be worth considering a wheelchair to make things easier - why struggle when you don’t need to?

travelling with someone with a disability does change the dynamic but that doesn’t mean it can’t be an enjoyable holiday though. Just needs some give and take all around and plenty of planning

You think he'd push a wheelchair really?

Ignore him. We take my mum away every year and she cant walk far at all, maybe a 100m without being out of breath/in pain and we hire her a mobility scooter for the duration of our trip. Its a lifesaver and gives her some independence aswell.

A wheelchair or scooter isn't giving up or whatever . There is nothing brave about walking about it pain.

I thought about a cane so that he doesn't have to offer his arm. But he moves so fast anyway I still couldn't keep up.

I hope you get to go on your holiday and I hope your husband takes care of you but also that you are willing to make his life easier by taking assistance when it is beneficial.

Your husband is a cunt - hth.

Show him this thread - maybe he will realise he is a cunt.

Your husband sounds hideous. In sickness and health didn't mean a lot to him? I know this is about the holiday but what happens if your conditions progress to the point of needing a wheelchair? Or something else happens and you need a lot more involved care. He doesn't sound like someone you can rely on. I feel sorry for you being lumbered with someone who resents you so much.

He thinks if I get my spine straightened with rods an Uber risky operation which could leave me paralysed the consultant told us.

And got a new hip that I would be pole vaulting in no time. 🙄

You keep saying no to a wheelchair or mobility scooter, but it sounds like it would really help. At least if you had a mobility scooter you could keep up with everyone, why do yoga keep saying you don't need one when you clearly do?

That's what they are for? They aren't for lazy people but for people who struggle with mobility, which you clearly do unfortunately.

My aunt limped, she needed a knee replacement and the pain...she got her assistance at the airport.
Oh, and edited to say that it wasn´t a wheelchair but a buggy with four other people.

Okay I'll try and explain again. My husband walks uber fast even his sons complain. I used to jog half run to keep up with him pushing prams.

I'm 68 fgs why can't I just stroll these days. Even if they operate I'm never going to be jogging again.

Holidaying with someone who has mobility issues does change the dynamic of a holiday, it limits what you can do and where you can go.
You sound very resistant to using anything that would make it easier, maybe that's where the frustration comes from.
Hes rude, but you sound a little stubborn too. You say you walk slow and are in pain, yet won't use the buggy from the boarding desk to get across the airport terminal, when that's what it's there for. You wouldn't be as slow or in as much pain and your husband wouldn't feel like he was being made to walk slow and stop and start all the time when there was an available option to avoid it.
Its only for now until you get your hip done,
You arent giving up, its just being sensible to make the most of your holiday without causing pain that could be avoided

I am waiting for a new hip so walk with a limp - I use a stick, but completely understand you not wanting to use a wheelchair - I don't either! Last year I went to Italy with my sister (I am a widow) and just walked at my own pace. On a day trip which would be too much walking, I stayed at the hotel and read my book with a glass of wine. Go on holiday- the break and sunshine will do you good.

Is it possible OP that it’s your refusal to use a mobility scooter or wheelchair that is annoying to your husband? Although he does sound impatient and unsympathetic. Some people who haven’t experienced pain and limited mobility just can’t empathise at all with those who do. My late DM was disabled and took a lot of convincing to have various aids to help. She did accept them eventually. Your husband wouldn’t have to push the wheelchair in the airport as a member of staff does that when you request assistance.

You know what you are right, if you want to walk you should, he sounds selfish and impatient. Let him tut and moan but tell him he's being ridiculous and ignore him.

Okay my husband wouldn't push a wheelchair, still wouldn't wait for me at airports. I remember struggling with a four year old and hand luggage at the airport once on a transfer flight . He'd vanished down the escalator to the check in without saying a word. I panicked because he'd vanished. So headed down with luggage and child, hung around security for a time too scared to check in because it's a one way trip. Luckily saw him on the other side so we went through security and met up again.

He waits for no-one, no way would he ever wait for anyone.