Waste of time holidaying with a disabled person

[justasking111]

I'm really hurt because husband has just said you'll be a nightmare on holiday because you need a new hip. He's sick and tired of dropping me off near our destination and going off to park because it hurts me to walk far.

Our son has invited us to join them on a villa holiday in Portugal. I think husband would prefer to leave me at home.

The thing is I'd be around to watch the children, babysit which husband wouldn't do.

I'd love to be fitter but between my scoliosis and hip issues I admit I'm a bit slow on my feet.

Am I being unreasonable to want to go, my kids and grandkids have no issues.

Go without him and tell him you’ll put his saved airfare etc towards a private hip replacement ( yes I know this would no way cover it ) - when you’ve a new hip replace him

As I said. I’m aware it makes me sound incredibly selfish, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t really hard work and left me exhausted. That said, there are a lot of things he does that couldn’t make things easier for those around him that he chooses not to do. (Like not taking his electric mobility scooter and expecting to be pushed everywhere, not buying a better wheel chair as the one he has is very heavy and uncomfortable to push. Not waiting to be near the restaurants because he likes it the be quiet etc).

Go, but make it clear that you are happy for him to do his own thing when he wants to be out and about, and you can park yourself on a sun lounger and enjoy the sun.

Maybe do a couple of outings together.

But good grief, dropping you off while he goes to park the car is hardly cramping his style. What an arse!

I made a friend on holiday last year who was due to have a hip replacement 6 weeks after the holiday. She was in a lot of pain and her DH treated her like royalty. He tweaked itineraries for her, helped her with getting up from the chair after dinner without drawing a lot of attention to her and generally helped her be as comfortable as he possibly could. This is what you deserve OP.

She did the same for him
a few years earlier when he had a terrible back problem and could hardly move.

Her operation went well and we’ve holidayed together twice since, she has no pain and is doing really well now.

Hire a mobility scooter and then he can run after you while you disappear into the middle distance!! How horrible he is being!! This isn't going to be a permanent thing - the least he can do is help you where needed temporarily.

It is a dodgy hip, I don't need a wheelchair or a mobility scooter. I'm just a bit slow and ouchy because it really hurts. I didn't realise until today he resents dropping me off and parking because it just means he walks alone from the car.

I can WALK from the car but he tuts when I lag behind.

Are you going to go yourself? I would.

It is a dodgy hip, I don't need a wheelchair or a mobility scooter.
Would you take special assistance and a wheelchair through the airports?

If your answer is 'No', then I think I can understand where your husband is coming from. If you're answer is 'Yes, of course I would', then he's being an arse.

Is he generally an arse or is this sudden change possibly his badly expressed concern for the future and your general health? I'm assuming normally an arse to be honest.
I would just make your own arrangement for the holiday and your family.

Alternatively Royal Sun Resort in Tenerife would be perfect for you, its at the top of a hill with the most fantastic view, plenty of taxis available down to the town, if you book with TUI the coach takes you practically to the front door and picks you up there for visits. Lovely little pool to wallow in and huge balconies and room service. The staff are 'terrible' bar people and regularly poured triples for the price of a single 😄

He's rude! We all have differing needs and if age and/or disability means you need to adapt your life so be it!

Sadly, it sounds like he missed the "in sickness and in health" bit....

Dealing with people who are mobility impaired isn't easy but it's better than being mobility impaird yourself!

Oh OP. I am sorry.

I have been here. I still am here, but hopefully to a lesser extent this year.

I'm in my early 30s and have spent the last 6 years having both hips and knees replaced. I've either been recovering or waiting for the next one.

Dp has never let his feelings surface if he had them, but the dc have found it hard. Especially when I have to sit out of almost everything we do when away or on day trips.

Are you waiting for a new hip?

Jakers I limp, don't think that's an automatic pass to a wheelchair

I've seen the consultant privately, nope it's arthritic but not bad enough yet so I saw a physio again privately and do the exercises given.

No idea how bad it has to get to be honest

because it just means he walks alone from the car

Cry me a fucking river
what a dick. And leaving you lagging behind is just rude

My husband is seven years older than me so cycles a lot thinks pain is weakness. But I was born with scoliosis bore three children, the chiropractor was enough after each birth to get me moving again. Unfortunately I now have arthritis in my spine as well as my hip so riding a bike just isn't possible.

It shouldn't get to a point where its impacting your life. I would get a second opinion. I was left until I couldn't leave the house if it involved a walk more than around 100 yards. I had to have a wheelchair for any further.

Special assistance through the airport is for people who find it difficult.

My daughter walks slowly and painfully. We always book special assistance for her because it reduces the amount of walking so that she's not in so much pain and minimises the amount of stairs to climb and time on her feet generally. Basically leaving her to enjoy her holiday more when she gets there.

He sounds a misery. We too have had to adapt expectations due to mobility issues but there is often a work around alternative or compromise. If you are happy to go and perhaps spend time at the villa then he should get on with his own plans. Think you would have a better time with him out and about anyway.

I think my husband is embarrassed my my issues because he's still so fit at 73.

See, that's a problem. You limp, you can't keep up, arthritis and scoliosis, but your too proud to take the special assistance at the airport. You need to meet him halfway. He's already seeing your predictable stubbornness as taking the opportunity to make whole trip an unnecessary PITA from the start.

Take the assistance. It's not just for you, it's to make it easier for those around you as well.

You need a new husband more than you need a new hip.

Well he’s a delight isn’t he. Hope he slips and breaks a leg.

Of course you should go, for your own enjoyment would you consider a wheelchair to aid in getting around perhaps.

I agree my DIL loves time around the pool. My son and his Duracell bunny father on the other hand need to be on the go all the time. Neither way is wrong in my opinion

Waste of time holidaying with a dickhead husband!!!