Dating short men

[Shinefast]

I’ve met someone online. Had a date at the weekend and we got on really well.
He’s quite short though. I feel so shallow for thinking like this, but I have always been attracted to taller men. I’m 5’2 and he isn’t all that much taller than I am.
would this be an issue for you?
his bio didn’t have his height on it

If you limit your dating pool to men over say 6 foot 2 then you are probably reducing the potential candidates by a factor of 10.

Then you need to understand that since height is seen as a very desirable trait you will be in competition with a lot of other women for that much reduced pool.

So in short (to pardon the pun), you had better be something special yourself in order to secure one of that reduced pool.

Since that pool knows they are seen as relatively desirable, they also get to play the field if they wish. Which is not seen by many women as a desirable trait (especially if that field playing doesn't involve picking them for a long term relationship).

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. In this particular case, the prize is the ability to claim "OLD is rubbish" and "there are no good men out there" (that match up with my highly exclusive requirements).

I think a large number of women do not realise how picking such options (exclusive height requirements) reduces their probability of finding a successful relationship.

Of course people are allowed to choose whatever criteria they want in picking a partner. Just don't be surprised when probability and statistics gives you a hard no in response to your chances of success.

“You can’t help what you’re attracted to” is often trotted out on these threads. I don’t think that is wholly true. Some of what we do or don’t find attractive is driven by prejudice. The idea that certain traits are manly and some less than manly. Or fear of what your friends will think if you date, say, a ginger or someone shorter than you.

Then perhaps it's better to say "we don't need to try to help who we're attracted to" (just so short men can have their pick of any woman they want and not just be restricted to the millions of women who already don't mind short men.)

Then perhaps it's better to say "we don't need to try to help who we're attracted to"

If someone did say that… i think they’d get rather quizzical looks, as it makes no sense!

Its not my grammatical finest hour, I grant you. But I'm sure you know what I mean in context of the post I'm responding to. We can allegedly help who we're attracted to if we try, but why should we bother to try?

by “help who you’re attracted to”

do you mean try to override what you’re instinctually attracted to ie force it?

Because even with correct grammar, i still think most people would look quizzically at you if you said this!

Who said short men should have the pick of any woman they want? Nobody is entitled to that.

It’s fine to not be attracted to anyone for any reason, but tbh it’s likely why so many people are single (and unhappy about that)

PP said that she didn't believe the statement 'you can't help who you're attracted to' was strictly true and gave her reasons, that who we are attracted to may be based in prejudice.
My comment meant well, yes, maybe so, but imo we shouldn't need to feel we have to try to overcome 'prejudice' where dating is concerned. As others have said, it's not an equal opportunities activity, no one has the right to be considered by us as a partner, so we can continue to reject short men if we like, without feeling we are doing something wrong or challenge ourselves on who we're attracted to. (Which I think is probably way more words than the original point was worth, so if you've stuck with it this far, thank you for your patience!)

I'm afraid I'm always wary of 'little man' syndrome OP. Little men often seem to feel the need to prove how macho they are, and that just because they're small, they're no less manly, so can prove aggressive in some situations. I'm afraid I'd throw this particular small fry back in the pond.

I have never dated, but have met some delightful 'short' men. Go for it!

Indeed. Yet the frequency with which these threads pop up that invariably turn to haranguing women who only like tall men, calling them superficial and shallow and telling them to give short men a chance, suggests that some people think they should.
If some women won't date short men, all that means is that short men will not be able to date those particular women. Which is too bad. Very few of us get our pick of every single person we may be attracted to, and clearly there are other women who don't mind their height.
But they doesn't seem enough for them and their advocates who persist in complaining about the women who refuse them.

But it’s the same as women complaining men won’t date them as they’re short and fat. ‘He’s not worth you anyway babe’ etc

Men in general have a tendency to be aggressive, it’s just that if a man is short it’s called “short man syndrome” and if a man is tall it’s called “he’s a jerk”.

I’ve come across a few tall men who were smug, arrogant and conceited, tbh. Height is not a reliable indicator of personality.

Well no, it's not really. Unless those women are going on to male dominated sites and telling the men on there they are shallow and superficial for not dating those women. Women complaining to other women for solidarity and a cheer up when men reject them for their appearance isn't the same as telling men off and trying to shame them into giving women they don't fancy a chance. I mean, no one but a fool would try that with men, would they? They'd be laughed off the page.

They do! Which is why ‘body shaming’ is 90% related to women - it’s much less acceptable to tease a woman for how she looks than a man. At work a very overweight and plain woman regularly jibes at the bald men, teasing them for losing hair. One of them said to me ‘Can you even imagine what would happen if I teased her back for being fat?’ He had a point.

Its unacceptable to tease anyone about their appearance and I agree with you that this is challenged less when a man is on the receiving end. Probably because they don't complain as women would. However that's a different matter to dating. My view is that both sexes are entitled to refuse to date any person if they find that person unattractive for whatever reason. Women may moan to each other that men don't like certain physical types, but they don't try to tell men they should date them anyway. This short man thing is a regular topic on here, loads of posts from (presumably short) men or women on their behalf telling women off for their tastes. It's the expectation that women need to put their preferences aside to date men they don't fancy that isn't an expectation for men.

I absolutely agree that nobody should feel compelled to date anyone, for any reason, I’m just pointing out the hypocrisy when it’s men refusing to date women for an equally ‘trivial’ reason - it’s often made out to be a matter of shallowness and even toxic masculinity when they don’t want to date fat women.

There’s no achievement in being tall no, but neither is there any achievement in being attractive in any other way. If you’re not attracted him, it’s fine, being shorter than you’d like is one factor but I imagine overall he’s not the one for you. I think if you meet someone you’re genuinely really attracted to, and he happens to be shorter than you’d like- you won’t care. So the fact you’re wavering -I’d let this one go.

There's also a different tone to the complaints. With women it tends to be, men don't find me attractive so there's something wrong with me. With men it tends to be women don't find me attractive so there's something wrong with them.

I've never felt all little & delicate with a man! I'm "only" 5ft 7ins but never had a relationship with a man over 6ft. They've all been much the same height as me in heels, or shorter.

It is my jaded opinion that men much prefer short-arse women. Very tall men usually seem to be with titchy women! The only advantages of my height are getting things off the high shelf and being slower to get fat.

Jamie Cullum and Sophie Dahl
Sophia Loren and Carlo Ponti
Bernie Ecclestone & 6’2” Slavica
Charles and Diana
Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner
Jason Statham and Rosie
Tom Holland and Zendaya
Giles Deacon and Gwendoline Christie
Tom Hollander and Fran
Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman
Keith Urban and Nocole Kidman

who did I miss?

probably a few American couples as height difference does
not seem to be a problem to them

another phenomenon I noticed over the years, is that when a wife leaves,
’she must be a lesbian’ over and over again variations on this tell tale statement -
because they cannot or will not face the truth or accept any accountability

I think if you feel you need someone to just give you a chance because you're a few inches shorter than ideal then you've likely got much bigger problems to deal with