Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

[Sevensummers]

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

Preciousness about an engagement party screams bridezilla from hell, shitty marriage, acrimonious divorce, hostile co-parenting, and damaged kids.🥂🎉

Only on MN you can find adult women over 21 who think that their own birthday is a show stopping yearly event.
And in the same time they resent women who want to celebrate birth of a child or simmilar big life changeing event.

OP you can get a gift from your boyfriend in the morning and travel around on any other day. Don't be daft.

I would go to the party.

I think OP that you should just do you. The problem posting something like this, is that we’re all different when it comes to how we celebrate our birthdays. I don’t really care much about mine, unless it’s a big one, and just don’t like the fuss of it all. But others are big on birthdays. Personally I would go, but that’s me. In your shoes, I wouldn’t go, because it’s clear you enjoy birthday celebrations, and it’s not like she’s a close best friend.

I'd definitely go.
Do a brunch or lunch first with bf that is all about you, then see your friends at the engagement party. If she's a decent friend she will do a cake or something for you.

Where did you see it as "elaborate?"

Is it the fact that it's planned in advance that triggers you? Even my kids bog standard birthday parties are planned a few months in advance - I have to, or the places are fully booked when I need them.

Not everyone sees planning a party as such a big deal. You do need a bit of advance planning though.

Some of us LOVE being invited to destination weddings and week-long hen do. It's actually something I enjoy going to. A "party" in someone tiny back garden? Not so much, thanks.

You must have such a blissful marriage to be so bitter and triggered by others 😂

In my opinion your thinking on this topic is completely selfish.
I’d go ahead with your birthday celebrations and miss the engagement celebration. Hopefully your friends will see how little they matter to you.

I would go to the engagement party. Birthdays happen every year. If you want friends to turn up at any celebrations you might organise, I’d go to theirs.

😂

I’d go too, especially if lots of my friends would be there!

For my 33rd birthday I spent it in the maternity hospital having my pre op appointment for my section. An engagement party sounds far far better. Go and have fun and the party and celebrate your birthday another day

OK, just tell me this - in your circles, where it's apparently quite common to hold engagement parties (as well as hen-dos and of course the actual wedding) is it normal/expected that you would take an engagent gift of some sort......?!

I think I'm just of an age where I'm starting to count up the hours and the £££ I've spent on weddings that didn't even last 3 years, and I'm starting to question a lot of my choices. I wouldn't make all the same choices again, that's for sure 🤣🤣

On a serious note, I had to arrange a family funeral not long before my own wedding. It turns out that 2-3 weeks is plenty of time to organise a largeish, catered gathering. And everyone who cares, turns up.

If you don’t want to go, then don’t go.

But don’t go just because it’s your birthday.

Your birthday can be celebrated on literally any other day (most birthdays don’t fall on a weekend anyway) and you’ll still have the rest of the day to have it all about you.

Then do the weekend away the following weekend.

Go to the engagement party, but for goodness sake don’t go around telling everyone it’s my birthday today. You are not 6.

.....seriously...thought you must have been 15 with a post like that 🤣

I dunno, if you want to go away and do something special with your boyfriend do that. It sounds nice. But I dislike engagement parties/gender reveals/bridal showers etc so might be slightly swayed by that.

I think some people are being a bit harsh.

It's up to you if you don't think adults should celebrate their birthdays but she literally said they don't much money and they get to be spoiled and go somewhere on their birthdays. Even if they weren't doing this, she is allowed to be celebrate and want her bday to be about her. Life is so damn serious a lot as an adult and it's a day that can be nice for them.

However, I am not someone who is a stickler for celebrating on the actual day. I'd say go to your friend's engagement then celebrate yours with a fabulous weekend away somewhere. Best of both worlds op.

Actually do this. Case closed.

I thought engagement parties had been left back in the 80s....

But, and I'm not being a dick here, have you considered that for some people a "big birthday" celebration is as close to a wedding or a new baby they will get @WhyamInotvomiting?

It's a bit precious prioritising your birthday over her engagement., Why would you do that.,

As someone who had an "engagement party" (just family and a handful of friends in our house for the evening) and a wedding, and had friends who were unable to attend one or other, it really doesn't matter. Honestly.
Your friend will have loads of people there to chat to and celebrate with. She honestly won't miss you. And I don't mean that in a bitchy way. My lifelong best friend couldn't attend my wedding. I understood her reasons for not attending, and I was more concerned for her than disappointed for me. Had she been there I might have got to sit with her for 10-15 minutes max to talk and then had to go mingle and talk to other guests.

If you want to go away on your birthday then you should go. Your presence or lack of will not have any impact on her day.

They should have been

33 and you’re going to miss an engagement party because you want to do something on the day. Respectfully, I think you’re being quite childish. Just do something the weekend before or after? Different if it was a big birthday but it’s not.