Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

[Sevensummers]

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

OP has thrown a strop so she doesn’t have to explain the 3 kids that disappeared between threads.

I am sure there is a way you can have your special day and celebrate your friend’s engagement, @Sevensummers.

Nice lie-in, presents and breakfast in bed, then out for a lovely lunch, before heading to the party in the evening, and go away for the weekend either before or after your birthday weekend.

Honestly, I think it can be just as special to celebrate your birthday not on the actual day. I turn 60 this year, and my dream is to go and see The Nutcracker at the Royal Opera House - this trip will be my present and celebration all in one. It is highly unlikely that we will get to do this on my actual birthday, but I am absolutely sure it will be just as special. It’s a matter of having the right mindset - that a birthday celebration can be just as special, even if it is not on the actual day.

Birthdays come round every year!

Id be at the engagement party having the best time! Who does not want to dance and drink on their birthday? Just because it’s not YOUR party doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate xx

Thank goodness your birthday isn’t Christmas Day, like mines! I literally have no birthday that day 🤣🤣🤣

I’m with your sister. Also, it depends how much your friend means to you.

I'd go - engagement party is (hopefully) once in a lifetime, birthday is every year. FWIW I am very big on celebrating my birthday, but happy to make an exception.

I think this is a bit odd.

It's not like a "Big' birthday.... my 50th fell on a week day so I worked and went to a sports club that we volunteer at in the evening. Everyone was super nice to me and it was a normal evening but a bit more jolly.... with some cake.

Then I had birthday shenanigans over the following weekend.

If someone was having a party and I had time to nudge my plans I would enjoy having the best of all the occasions.

This year my birthday again falls on a week day, so I will work.... then at the next weekend one of my adult kids has something important happening, so I might even nudge my birthday treats out by two weeks..... because I'm a total grown up and I want to enjoy a bit of everything... and it is within my power to do so....

I'd go even if it was a big one... why lose out on two excuses for a great party! Who gives a shit if your party isn't on your actual birthdate - are you secretly a 7 year old?

I find engagement parties a bit of a nonsense so I’d be avoiding that whether it was my birthday or not.

On the one hand, you sound like a child. Celebrating on your birthday is only good enough?!!

we spent my husband’s 50th at a wedding.

because we love the bloke getting married.

if you don’t love your friend, don’t go.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to want to have your birthday celebration on your actual birthday and have the day be all about you.
You could still get your friends a little gift and card.

Yep, you want your adult 33 year old birthday to be all about you?

I've had 62 Xmas day birthdays. I've spent 'every' single birthday with family, and/or the MIL. Never had a party on the day, never been out with friends on the day, never had a mini break with DP, usually get wished a rushed 'happy birthday' about 12-30. Everyone eats, drinks too much and is knackered by 21-00, lucky to get as much as a birthday cuddle on the actual day. Fingers-crossed someone invites me to a party on my next birthday.

Hopefully you'll have many more birthdays but your friend'll not have another engagement. Just go and enjoy it

You sound a bit precious about your birthday.

As a fully functional adult, I'm aware that the day of my birthday is really not 'all about me'. I grew out of that by the time I was about 17.

So yeah, you are being very immature and showing everyone this with your 'all about me' comment 🤦‍♀️

At 33, you need to grow up to be honest.

I want my birthday to be about me! How old are you ffs. Didn't realise people still did birthdays as grownups.

You have a Birthday every year, this is hopefully a once in a lifetime event for your friend. Why does your celebrations have to be on your actual Birthday? Why not book your Birthday celebrations the weekend before or after & celebrate your friends engagement with her. You sound quite childish wanting the day to be all about you. I'd hate it if my friends were that shallow.

I went to my friend’s 50th on my birthday (we have the same birthday). I loved it as it was something different and I loved sharing it with her. Do you think you’ll have a better time with your boyfriend? Can’t you do something during the day? I wouldn’t turn it down if you want to go just because it clashes but you have a good excuse if you don’t want to go!
As an adult I don’t have high expectations of my birthday and that’s fine. But I have a birthday very near Xmas so I guess I am more used to little fuss.

I think you should do whatever makes you feel happiest. Which seems to be not going to the party but doing something special with your boyfriend. Lots of people saying it's childish to celebrate your birthday, but I think it's your birthday, your reasons, so do what you want. Luckily I'm not too bothered about birthdays - this year I was away from home and got only two texts in the morning saying happy birthday. All the friends I remember every year forgot or didn't bother.

I literally have gone to a friend’s engagement party on my birthday. I’m also in my thirties. I didn’t hesitate to accept. Engagement is (hopefully) once in a lifetime, I’ve had loads of birthdays and hopefully will have many more! To me, it really isn’t a big deal doing “my” celebration on a different day. Although I’m not huge on birthdays personally.

If birthdays are really that important for you and your BF then stick to your plan. You've already explained why you can't attend the engagement party. There will be other parties for the bride and groom before the wedding that you can attend and celebrate the happy couple.

Surely around five out of seven birthdays for anyone of working age are spent mostly at work anyway?

Why not have a meal with your partner for your birthday and go to the party?

I’d go - you get to have two nice events to look forward to. No brainer.

Definitely go! I went to a family wedding on my birthday last year and it was amazing! I saw loads more family than I would have done otherwise and I had loads of drinks bought for me!

I went to my friend's wedding on the day of my 21st birthday back in the day when one's 21st was still a big deal. No problem. I had my party a week later and my birthday was toasted at my friend's reception. It is only a birthday and it happens every year whereas an engagement/wedding is, hopefully, a once in a lifetime thing.

You can find it hilarious if you wish.

Why the need to mock others for how they feel about it? You get a kick out of it?