Would you go to a friends engagement party on the day of your birthday?

[Sevensummers]

My birthday is in September and my friend just recently told our friendship group that her engagement part is on my birthday. I immediately said I won’t be able to come because it’s my birthday and I’ll be doing something nice with my boyfriend, was planning a nice weekend away, however nothing is booked yet. I said to my sister its a shame because I would’ve liked to go to that, but it’s only an engagement party, it’s not as if it’s her wedding day. My sister said why don’t I just do my birthday getaway the weekend before/after but I said no because it’s nice to do it on my actual birthday, I want my birthday to be about me, I don’t want to be celebrating someone else’s engagement when I want to be having my own celebrations for myself lol. My sister said ‘but you still can! You can literally do both’ But I just felt like it’s not the same, it’s not like your birthday falls on a Saturday every year and seeing as it does this year, I want to make the most of it. I really love birthdays, we dont have a lot of money and I never get to go away or buy myself things so we tend to make a big deal out of birthdays and make them really special for each other. And I was looking forward to doing something really good on the actual day of my birthday.

However I’m starting to feel a a bit selfish now and think I should go to my friends engagement party and just do my birthday celebrations some other time. What do you think? Would you think badly of your friend if she didn’t come to your engagement party on her birthday?

just to note, she isn’t my best friend. Our group only sees each other a couple of times a year. So it would be nice to see them all as the last time was almost a year ago. But at the same time we aren’t SUPER close

If you've already said you can't you may not be invited any more

I actually do understand. My birthday falls on a day that people seem to love for weddings (and have attended one on my birthday for the past three years!) and I was getting excited about my wedding free birthday this year. Typically the excitement was short lived as I got an invite to attend the hen do on that date instead 🙄

OP I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.
I also don't understand this notion of an engagement party being planned 3 months away. Is this a thing now?
How long are they engaged? Seems v odd to me to be engaged 3+ months & thej be throwing a party....

Do whatever you want to 🤷‍♀️

10th or under from the sound of the OP.

If I hadn’t made plans already then I’d go to the engagement party and just celebrate my birthday either the weekend before or after.

BUT don’t try to make their engagement party all about your birthday, it’s their party not yours.

Since you haven't made plans I'd do a nice breakfast/lunch to celebrate your birthday then go to the engagement party.

But I don't get this attitude of once you're an adult you aren't supposed to celebrate your birthday. It was my birthday the other day and someone asked me what I planned to do and I said pretend it doesn't exist (not a milestone birthday). And they said something that really got to me - why wouldn't you want to honor the day of your birth? So I had a lovely lunch with the family to a knowledge it and I'm glad I did.

Of course I would!! Honestly, you are being ridiculous. You will have more birthdays, your friend might only have one engagement party.

Funerals are very different things. For starters they generally have to be within a certain timeframe. Workplaces usually allow time off work. And for the person for whom the funeral is organised, it's definitely a one off thing. You genuinely only get one.

I wouldn't cancel a weekend away if already booked but if it wasn't booked I would definitely go to the party.
I missed a lot of hen dos/ engagement parties as I was in an abusive relationship around the time all my friends got married. Now I live happily alone with my teenagers but I've missed the boat on the weddings/ hen dos/ engagement parties as very few people in my friendship group are getting married now as they have already done it. So don't miss one of them for no good reason. Fair enough you want to celebrate your birthday but do it the day before/ week before. Then you get to celebrate both.
If I was your friend and you didn't come I would think it was a bit strange but presumably she has invited lots of people so a few not wanting to come is expected.

Over the years, I’ve had DC speech days, various weddings and all sorts of events on my birthday. Now an election. I’m actually on holiday this year. So I’m celebrating by watching elephants. However, in general, I’d put others first and mostly have. Other than for ones with a zero on the end!

I didn't mean people shouldn't celebrate or enjoy their birthdays, and whilst I don't really care about my big birthdays, im all for other people doing so. But the OP doesn't have any plans. Obviously if she'd booked something that clashes already that's completely different and fair enough. I also don't see the significance of having your birthday celebration on the exact day itself of your birthday either. Surely most people can't always do that for loads of different reasons - work, illness, caring responsibilities, whatever? I don't see how celebrating one week late makes the celebration any less enjoyable or meaningful.

You could wear a big “it’s my birthday” badge…

It always amazes me on threads like this how many people come on to sneer, or express faux amazement at the fact some people celebrate things they don't.

I mean, I didn't have an engagement party. I'm not sure I've ever been to one even, but it is hardly a shock to the system that some people do.
I've never been to a baby shower, but I know they exist.
I've never been to a gender reveal, but I know they exist.

I do like to do something to celebrate my birthday. Not because I think I am anything special, but because it is a 'hook' to hang any sort of a gathering on to - be that a meal out, or a get together with family, or a whole massive party for a big birthday. But it doesn't mean I am shocked to hear that some people don't do anything for their birthday.

We are all different. We all value different things.

That wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I’d go to the party and do something another time. I guess it’s personnel preference!

It’s not your 21st stop being a princess
just not a big issue for most people
do something on another day if you must
sorry op
but sounds bonkers

I do not mean to be rude, but you need to grow up & act your age! The engagement party is already booked & you would like to see the people in the group! You have not even arranged anything for your birthday, but you want it to be ALL about you! I am shocked a 33 year old is even posting this!

No brainer, friend's party.

Grow TF up.

What’s the big deal? It’s not a milestone birthday. You can celebrate your birthday a few days earlier or later.

Plenty more birthdays, likely only one engagement party for this person.

If I wanted to go away for my birthday that much I still would. Who the hell plans an engagement party 3 months ahead! I’m finding that more weird than someone wanting to go away because it’s their birthday.

Really?

I was expecting 13.

You get a birthday every year and it will fall on a Saturday again too. Your friend is (hopefully) only going to get one engagement party. YABVU

I wouldn't go, it's nothing special and she could have arranged it for the weekend before or after, knowing that it's your birthday. Why should you change what you're expecting to probably do, when your birthday has always been your birthday. It's not like you're saying that you won't be going to her wedding!