Agreed to something I shouldn’t have, AIBU

[whoopswhatdoido]

Months ago we agreed to cat-sit for our neighbour for 4 days while they went away. We’ve done it once before, a year ago. When she asked again in possibly January time I said no problem. We do this for free btw

I found out about a month ago that this week is going to be really busy for us and minding their cat is an extra pressure and stress that isn’t needed. I made an excuse politely then and asked my neighbour to ask her family instead. She seemed a bit annoyed and said it was only three times a day, but she would ask. Her family all have ‘a lot on’ so nobody can do it for her.

I am not the best at being assertive in these situations so I said I’m sure we can make it work, somehow. They don’t get on holiday much and I felt guilty. Anyway I was under the impression it was just to feed the cat but we have literally just found out she is on medication also which needs giving so 3 visits a day. Also the cat will need litter tray changing more frequently due to this and I’m pregnant. DH could do it but he works much longer days than me so isn’t going to be able to do the 3x a day. Longwinded way of saying we cannot do it and I’m now stressed and feeling guilty there is no way out of it. We are moving house in 3 weeks anyway so in theory don’t have to have much to do with them then but I’m possibly the biggest people pleaser going and I would always try to honour any commitment for somebody.

What can I do? They go away tomorrow. We have other neighbours who have previously done this for them before but I’m worried they’ll be annoyed at us if we don’t.

You can’t change cat litter if pregnant. My DS is blind in one eye due to toxo- which is common in cat faeces. And we were lucky he could have suffered significant cognitive damage or been stillborn.

Good it is solved now.

It seems both sides piled miscommunication on - "She seemed a bit annoyed and said it was only three times a day, but she would ask." - it sounds like the medication was going in for some time, but noone noticed the implications.
No big deal now, but lots of lessons learned.

Solved and you learned your lesson. This is why I never ever ask for help for anything. Do not like to bother or to be bothered. 😇 I do not owe anybody any favours.

Well done on getting your neighbour to finally hear you. You agreed to something completely different. Reminds me of the time I agreed to feed a friend's rabbit while they were on holiday and was then given a half-hour lecture by her husband on scrubbing out the hutch, every other day, including at least 20 minutes to dry! They weren't right next door either.

Catty one might say and not the only one either.🤔 Pet owners should appreciate their pets are their choice and responsibility.

Can you tell them as you only found out it’s 3 x, that you are only able to do once a day. They will have to get someone else to do 2 x a day.

So, they are CFs. But I guess you did agree to it, so may have to suck it up and put this one down to experience. It will be much easier to say no next time someone asks you something that you can't really do.

I am a people pleaser too so understand exactly how you got yourself into this.

It’s a bit odd that what you did last time is now different from what you’re doing this time (except medication). Did you not do litter tray last time? Who did?
I call bllsht

round by me local people pop in houses feed cats etc, for a small fee she should arranged this,one by me is an x vet nurse so very trusted with vets, you said you are moving house this will be your last time, bit cheeky of them only dropping in now about medication 3 x a day

If they are going away tomorrow, there is no excuse and you have to do it. End of.

I'm not sure how my cat sitter managed to keep her business going in that case. She was looking after my cat and changing his tray at 8 months pregnant, she was just careful.

That doesn’t sound fair

the day before ?!? Really. Just wear gloves for the litter tray. You can't let people down at the last minute like this.

You needed to say no weeks ago. If you say no now then yes that would be very unreasonable.

The neighbour understands OP’s concerns and is fine about it

Just do it - feed the poor old cat the meds.
Let your husband change the litter tray, once will be enough. Why don’t you make this the last time you agree to things you don’t want to do and think about different ways to say no for the future. ‘Let me get back to you’ is handy to hold people off if saying no is too difficult. Congratulations on your baby.

This is going to turn into “cancel the checque” isn’t it?

Nope. I got the father of the baby to.

Glad that worked out for you. For next time, OP, No is a complete sentence.

Hope the pregnancy and move goes well for you.

It was to much to ask of any neighbour anyway, even her family will probably be put out and it's clear the other neighbour had probably said no due to the frequency of visits required. In my opinion she already had this back up plan incase you backed out as someone else could do it so quickly. It was just easier to leave you doing it as your next door. Sorry people called you names that isn't nice and I'm glad you contacted her straight away and got it sorted.

As for the awkwardness your moving in 3 weeks anyway so I wouldn't worry. Can I just say it was really kind of you to agree in the first place though, don't let it put you off helping your next neighbour. Most of us cat owners are sensible enough to know we can't expect the neighbours to do 3 daily visits and give medication. I'm actually quite perplexed at the sheer cheek of it tbh, if my pets need that kind of attention I'll put them in cat camp or stay at home lol 😆

Yeah and too bad if she miscarries eh? Is that what you are saying?

Gloves, yes, just don't breathe while you pander to these people's cats, they're more important than your baby and health. Oh please! (I'm being sarcastic) Luckily someone else is going to do this unpaid, cheekily asked for and last minute request.

I call " cats matter to you more than pregnant mothers and their babies". If you can't offer advice, don't shame or guilt people placed in difficult situations because of other people's BAD planning and unwillingness to take care of their responsibilities.

Luckily someone else can look after those cats, you can do it next time eh? For everyone, for free, at last minute, when you're pregnant?

I wonder just what the cat's medication is for? No one seems interested in that. I would think it's VERY important. She is a kind, pregnant neighbour, not a cattery or a vet.