Agreed to something I shouldn’t have, AIBU

[whoopswhatdoido]

Months ago we agreed to cat-sit for our neighbour for 4 days while they went away. We’ve done it once before, a year ago. When she asked again in possibly January time I said no problem. We do this for free btw

I found out about a month ago that this week is going to be really busy for us and minding their cat is an extra pressure and stress that isn’t needed. I made an excuse politely then and asked my neighbour to ask her family instead. She seemed a bit annoyed and said it was only three times a day, but she would ask. Her family all have ‘a lot on’ so nobody can do it for her.

I am not the best at being assertive in these situations so I said I’m sure we can make it work, somehow. They don’t get on holiday much and I felt guilty. Anyway I was under the impression it was just to feed the cat but we have literally just found out she is on medication also which needs giving so 3 visits a day. Also the cat will need litter tray changing more frequently due to this and I’m pregnant. DH could do it but he works much longer days than me so isn’t going to be able to do the 3x a day. Longwinded way of saying we cannot do it and I’m now stressed and feeling guilty there is no way out of it. We are moving house in 3 weeks anyway so in theory don’t have to have much to do with them then but I’m possibly the biggest people pleaser going and I would always try to honour any commitment for somebody.

What can I do? They go away tomorrow. We have other neighbours who have previously done this for them before but I’m worried they’ll be annoyed at us if we don’t.

It's very rare for looked after, wormed etc cats in the UK to carry toxoplasmosis. Cats who hunt could pick it up, but research has shown that it is still unlikely. The parasite doesn't become active until a day after the cat has gone in the litter. So when litter is changed daily, there's no risk. You should be washing your hands after changing litter anyway.

You don't let people down like this, it isn't ok the day before someone is due to go on holiday.

You can’t change cat litter when pregnant. It was short notice but you have your own welfare and welfare of the baby to think about so don’t feel guilty.

You've known how many times per day it was supposed to be, but we're going to try to half arse it instead of saying it wouldn't be possible. You're the one who has limited their time to find an alternative.

You need to just do what you've agreed to. The cat litter is not nearly as big an issue, or even as regular an inconvenience, as you and PP are making out. That won't need doing three times daily and you can ask for help if you really can't handle (literally, not dramatically) it. However, pregnant pet owners do many to look after everyone by being careful and hygienic.

ONLY three times purr day…

Here kitty kitty kitty - come take this bitter pill. You’ll looove it.

Resharing my update for those that missed it

You shouldn't be changing cat litter when you're pregnant and by the same token you probably shouldn't be giving medicine to an unfamiliar cat because you might get bitten if he's anxious and, again, you're pregnant. Toxoplasmosis.

Tbh unless OP found out she was pregnant yesterday, then she should've been more proactive about telling the neighbour she couldn't do the catsit. In any case, the litter only needs to be changed once a day anyway and OP's husband could've done it.

As for medication, yes neighbour was being unreasonable to wait until the last minute to bring it up - administering pills 3x a day is very different to topping up food/water bowls and changing litter 1x a day.

So both being unreasonable. Glad OP had a good outcome though with no hard feelings from neighbour.

No, your unborn child is more important than her pet. We have cancelled holidays in the past when pet care fell through. She can put an emergency ad on the local FB page.

You left it till the last minute?

Go feed the cats and go on an assertiveness course
You do realise you told them you would?
Selfish is not a good look
The cats actually deserve better than you

That was nasty and unnecessary!

You need to be honest with your neighbour.

Tell her your DH can do cat litter 1x a day only. You will try with the medicine but cannot guarantee cat will take it etc.

It’s only 4 days. Do what you can do, but tell her what that is. I’m sure cat will survive. If neighbour doesn’t like it, she will need to find somebody else to look after dcat alongside you. She should have told you the full details to start with.

But you cannot pull out altogether with less than 24h notice.

Hahaha that has made me laugh 😂😂

Oh just seen update. Glad all is well!

This is a joke right?

I know if someone let me down after agreeing to look after my pets,I wouldn't go away,as they have some special needs..
This is obviously a lot for you to take on though, can you rope in some other neighbours to help? Most people won't mind.

Oh glad it's sorted out.

Once a week is about average for changing litter, maybe a bit more for an indoor cat. If you can't avoid the job then you need gloves, mask and an apron. I don't think I've ever medicated a cat 3 times a day. Most cat medicines are once. Occasionally twice

The predicament now is piss them off and put us first or appease them and give myself something to worry about. I want to choose the former but I feel guilty about it, I suppose it’s maybe just a lesson learned isn’t it to be a bit firmer next time

Glad they’ve told family now.

My advice would have been to piss them off, you won’t see them ever again in 3 weeks’ time and they were scum for not telling a pregnant woman about the litter tray and medicine.

I think YABU as they go away tomorrow. Isn’t there anyone else to share the load?

Glad it worked out for everyone.

Glad to see the update.

To be honest, I don’t think them asking you to help out was wrong. You agreed, and the actually agreed a second time too. You haven’t just found out you’re pregnant.

It is possible to pull out from helping people when circumstances change….but you absolutely have to do it asap.

I’m really glad it’s all worked out and there are no hard feelings and that you’ve learnt something for the future….in the nicest possible way - you won’t put yourself in this position again.

I think that’s what’s unfortunate with these kind of things, is that the OP did a good turn for someone, and agreed again, but has overtime been less and less keen but not spoken up…and ended up feeling annoyed with the neighbour and resentful. It was always clear that neighbour wanted to save a bit of money. To be honest, nothing had changed there. But somehow, when OP thought about it and posted, she had obviously become quite resentful, not just because of the need to give medication, but it had already been growing.

Really glad an alternative has been worked out. Neighbour won’t need to feel she’s putting OP out or making an u reasonable request of a pregnant woman, and OP isn’t in a position of letting neighbour down last minute, and both can hopefully have a positive relationship in future.

Personally, I think it’s good to help neighbours out with this kind of stuff whenever you can. Even when it puts you out a bit, it’s still good for positive relations, sense of community and of course you never know when you might need a favour. But at the same time, you have to be realistic about what you can manage and not be drawn into agreeing to something you can’t do or will resent. It’s far better to say ‘no’ at the start, or in this situation, when they chatted a few weeks ago, than to be the person who pulls out last minute. Sadly the person who pulls out last mi Ute has often convinced themselves they are justified, and is annoyed with the neighbour, even though it’s them doing the letting down, because they building g the I initial request into a big and unreasonable thing in their mind, when in actual fact, their inability to simply say ‘no’ has been the issue.

I think it’s sarcasm! … it’s hilarious and I think op took it in the spirit it was intended!

I also have not read the whole thread. I’ll go and sit in the naughty corner.

Yes, I thought that afterwards!