Agreed to something I shouldn’t have, AIBU

[whoopswhatdoido]

Months ago we agreed to cat-sit for our neighbour for 4 days while they went away. We’ve done it once before, a year ago. When she asked again in possibly January time I said no problem. We do this for free btw

I found out about a month ago that this week is going to be really busy for us and minding their cat is an extra pressure and stress that isn’t needed. I made an excuse politely then and asked my neighbour to ask her family instead. She seemed a bit annoyed and said it was only three times a day, but she would ask. Her family all have ‘a lot on’ so nobody can do it for her.

I am not the best at being assertive in these situations so I said I’m sure we can make it work, somehow. They don’t get on holiday much and I felt guilty. Anyway I was under the impression it was just to feed the cat but we have literally just found out she is on medication also which needs giving so 3 visits a day. Also the cat will need litter tray changing more frequently due to this and I’m pregnant. DH could do it but he works much longer days than me so isn’t going to be able to do the 3x a day. Longwinded way of saying we cannot do it and I’m now stressed and feeling guilty there is no way out of it. We are moving house in 3 weeks anyway so in theory don’t have to have much to do with them then but I’m possibly the biggest people pleaser going and I would always try to honour any commitment for somebody.

What can I do? They go away tomorrow. We have other neighbours who have previously done this for them before but I’m worried they’ll be annoyed at us if we don’t.

OP is not a pregnant woman with a cat. :)

I'm shocked at the votes so far! Don't people realise how dangerous it will be for you to empty those litter boxes, possibly giving the cats medication too. Have people not heard of Toxoplasmosis? It is a parasite which can cause illness in humans as well as cats. It occur in the faeces and it is STRONGLY recommended that pregnant women don't touch the litter trays. The parasites can cause serious illness in the mother AND the baby. Please find someone else to look after the cats and never offer again, if they can afford a holiday,they can afford a cattery.

.... no but she is a pregnant woman who agreed to look after a cat ... buy gloves OP it's not hard

Are you serious? Cat litter and pregnancy is a massive no.

I agree, seems the only solution at this late stage. If you ever volunteer in future ask them pointed questions and make it clear no changes in the run up or all bets are off.

Buy gloves, deal with it like a grown up like every other pregnant woman who owns a cat or has to look after a cat does. People are fragile now days aren't they

we do realise.
You do realise you can get tested to check your immunity btw..

In real life, you can take precautions. I mean if it's YOUR cat, you still deal with the litter tray, pregnant or not. You don't abandon your animal for 9 months.

The issue is the OP having left it last minute! Unless the test came back positive literally this morning, waiting until the last minute is wrong. Just say no when you are asked ,it's not hard.

Where did the idea of pregnancy come from?

Not nearly as hard as being hospitalised or possibly dying anyway.

You really should not be doing this when pregnant, can't believe so many posters are telling you to suck it up and you are actually considering doing it!

The neighbour doesn't care about you, if they did they would have made other arrangements. Have they even asked anyone else or just trying to make you feel bad.

Say no and look after yourself and your baby. You'll probably never see them again after you move.

If you've got keys go and drop them back round now so there is absolutely no confusion

If you agreed to 1 visit a day to feed and change litter, and now they are saying it's changed to 3 visits a day, 3 litter changes plus medication, they are taking the piss.

But you should have made it clear that it wasn't doable as soon as it was mentioned, or been firmer the first time you tried to pull out.

I don't think you can fully pull out now without causing irreparable damage to neighbour relations.

I would reiterate what you CAN do, and what you AGREED to do initially.

Let her know your husband will do what he can around work but you can't promise a perfect schedule and 3 litter changes or that medication can be administered properly as you have no experience of it and it will really need to be your husband for your safety.

Push back on her to take responsibility for her cat and find someone else, or accept that you will do what you can.

@RainbowZebraWarrior Op is pregnant!

If she's not a cat owner herself, why would she have immunity tests? Since the parasites can reach through the placental barrier how do you propose to test the unborn child's immunity? She could wear a mask and gloves or get someone else to change the litter. After all what is more important? The cat or the baby?

Agree with @littleredcaravan go back round. Tell her you’ve discussed her ask with your husband since previously it was only Once a day and that’s what you were expecting. Tell her you can still do the once a day. You cannot change her cat litter or give meds though. She either takes or leaves your offer. She’s known what she was doing when she hid the enhanced needs of her cat from you. This is not your problem.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/toxoplasmosis/
This is from the NHS A-Z of conditions. Toxoplasmosis can cause miscarriage.

^
This

Whilst you were wishy-washy a month ago, your neighbour still had a chance to sort something else out anyway. It would seem they don't give a stuff about your pregnancy so why should you take any risks. Your neighbour is happy to put the pressure on you but not their own family? Bugger that!

Surely pregnant women change litter trays?

It’s too short notice to back out now.

@whoopswhatdoido - you wrote "I feel as though I’ve made it so so clear to her without actually saying".

Ah, I've found the buyer of the crystal ball and the recipients who must have been given it as a Christmas gift but it appears not to be working!

Well I hate to be the messenger here but you haven't made it so so clear. It's obvious you haven't.

Do they know you are pregnant? If they don't know, they wouldn't be aware of the risk of toxoplasmosis for you and you have to use your words here so that they are 100% crystal clear as to why you can't look after their cat.

You or your DH needs to go around and lay out exactly what you can and cannot do. If the family of the neighbours are busy, then they can take whatever time is required to give the cats their medication. Your DH can do their litter tray and you can do their food. That's it and the option of doing it on a regularised basis stops. You don't want a cat and it's medical requirements to come between you and your neighbour and this is precisely what is happening here.

You really shouldn’t be changing cat litter when pregnant so I would use that excuse as it’s true

Too late to change your mind now IMO, and it's only 4 days. You are going to have to suck it up. Say 'No' next time

Ask if they have a pet carrier and say you will have the cats stay at yours

You cannot change litter when you're pregnant. Please, OP, don't.

Who are these people who are constantly offering other women's services and goodwill for free?

You've had plenty of opportunity to say no, but youve been pretty vague and wishy washy instead of using your words.
Hopefully other neighbours can help out too.
Its only 4 days and its a neighbour so not far. I think you should suck it up, and maybe learn a bit of assertiveness

Update from me, family can help after all. She doesn’t seem bothered at all by it and said she’d forgotten about the risks involved and understood entirely I shouldn’t be doing it. No ill feelings either side, I’d imagined it to be a lot worse in my head.

Big lesson learned though that next time I should just say a firmer no, and lesson to her that she should be clearer about the frequency of her visits and what she needs.

Thank you to everyone who has left a helpful comment, I really appreciate it! And huge no thanks to anyone who chose to be condescending and rude and call me names- you didn’t offend me, but I find it very funny how this site brings out very ugly behaviour in some people!

:)