Agreed to something I shouldn’t have, AIBU

[whoopswhatdoido]

Months ago we agreed to cat-sit for our neighbour for 4 days while they went away. We’ve done it once before, a year ago. When she asked again in possibly January time I said no problem. We do this for free btw

I found out about a month ago that this week is going to be really busy for us and minding their cat is an extra pressure and stress that isn’t needed. I made an excuse politely then and asked my neighbour to ask her family instead. She seemed a bit annoyed and said it was only three times a day, but she would ask. Her family all have ‘a lot on’ so nobody can do it for her.

I am not the best at being assertive in these situations so I said I’m sure we can make it work, somehow. They don’t get on holiday much and I felt guilty. Anyway I was under the impression it was just to feed the cat but we have literally just found out she is on medication also which needs giving so 3 visits a day. Also the cat will need litter tray changing more frequently due to this and I’m pregnant. DH could do it but he works much longer days than me so isn’t going to be able to do the 3x a day. Longwinded way of saying we cannot do it and I’m now stressed and feeling guilty there is no way out of it. We are moving house in 3 weeks anyway so in theory don’t have to have much to do with them then but I’m possibly the biggest people pleaser going and I would always try to honour any commitment for somebody.

What can I do? They go away tomorrow. We have other neighbours who have previously done this for them before but I’m worried they’ll be annoyed at us if we don’t.

What is the actual time line here, OP?

Is this right?

Months ago you agreed to feed their cat for 4 days, once a day.

One month ago, you realised you’d be really busy that week so said you didn’t want to do it, but she talked you back into it.

Yesterday, she told you, the cat is now on medication three times a day which you will now need to give, plus change the litter tray more often. You replied asking if family could do this instead. They haven’t replied and you’ve done nothing else?

Yeah personally I smell a bit of BS from OP’s posts…

Had it been once a day as it always was then your dh could change the litter. To expect pregnant women to handle cat faeces is immoral. It's known to be something pregnant women should avoid.

it is, and it's not as common in the UK but many woman get tested, you can have gained immunity in the past. You can also wear gloves.

Regardless, the time to decline because of the pregnancy was when the neighbour asked, or when the OP found out about pregnancy. Not the day before people are living! It's horrible timing.

Our cat needs syringe feeding and medications - I wouldn't dream of asking a neighbour to do that. Normal feeding is fine and our neighbours have animals so it's reciprocal. Our vet nurses do visits to feed/medicate cats when the owners are away - she could try calling them? Might not be open on a Sunday though... Ours charge a very reasonable €15 per visit.

I agree the medication is a game changer, and the neighbour should have mentioned that as soon as she knew and been proactive about showing you what to do and giving you the opportunity to refuse.

One cat should be fine having the litter scooped (shouldn't need a full change) once a day, unless it has diarrhoea or the litter tray is tiny. They don't go much generally.

One month ago, you realised you’d be really busy that week so said you didn’t want to do it, but she talked you back into it

Yesterday, she told you, the cat is now on medication three times a day

No, @Shinyandnew1 - according to the bit others quoted it was a month ago when OP was told this would now be 3x a day, at which point OP asked if the neighbour could involve her own family, and though a bit annoyed she said she'd ask them

Cat sitter might be your (their) best bet.I use one when I go away and they do everything, even feeding other pets too.
If not ask them to get those catsan all in one litter and bag things, more expensive but easier to clean.
Medication might possibly be a last minute thing so not known at the time of booking, cats like us get ill randomly sometimes.

I'm sorry but I think you're making a real meal out of this and overthinking it. It's three days and despite having a busy week you have spent six months agreeing to this so you have to make it work. If you absolutely can't do it then you can ask another neighbour but this is your fault, not the fault of the cat owner.

Your DH will scoop the litter either before or after work. You will feed the cat and give medication twice a day, it doesn't really matter what time as long as you space it out. It's probably just something you add to the food. If you can't manage the medication your DH will do it while scooping litter. It's unlikely that the extra few doses you've missed will mean death for the cat, but obviously find out first. When neighbour gets back "Tiddles was really tricky and wouldn't take the medication a couple of times but we've done our best and he seems good"

It’s three short visits a day to next door, you can do this easily. Your husband can likely do one om the morning and one at night, he can do the litter box. You’re making out it is a huge deal. It isn’t.

That’s not what the OP said at 12.58 today.

@whoopswhatdoido can you clarify?

Three times a day but only a couple of minutes each time (apart from the litter tray) and no travelling involved. DH can do the litter tray and one feeding/meds and you do two feeding/meds, or he could do two one early, one late and you do mid-day. I would just say we will put the meds in the food but are not responsible for whether the cat takes it or not, we can't fight with the cat to get it down. It can't be anything like injections or they would have had to explain the details. It's only four days I'm sure you can manage that.

I feel as though I’ve made it so so clear to her without actually saying.

That’s ridiculous. You said you would make it work, a month ago. What you clearly said with that was that you would do it if needed.

It's next door and 5 mins visits 3 times a day, you can make it work. You can't tell her the day before, that's ridiculous Z

I think it’s really out of order of them to change the frequency. I think you may have to suck it up now but it’s a definite no to any future times. I would just get your dh to empty the litter tray once per day.

What do you mean she may have to suck it up? No she won't.

She's pregnant. She can't do it.

Her husband works 12 hour days. He can't do it.

They chose to ask unsuitable people and change the terms at the last minute, that's their fault and doesn't mean the OP should put herself and her baby in danger. Absolutely ridiculous suggestion.

@Singersong
Totally agree.
The only people that should have to "suck it up" are the cat's owners. This will teach them not to rely on free cat care from neighbours when they should pay a professional cat sitter like other people do. If they have to cancel their holiday it will be an unfortunate lesson for them. This is not OP's problem.

I think it's so tricky because it's tomorrow.

If it's a pill medication - they are being unreasonable if today is the first time they have mentioned it. if it's liquid mixed in with a feed, not so badly unreasonable. however 3 x a day is a big step up from once.

you would not be being unreasonable to say "I thought it was feeding the cat once a day, I can't do more than that, you'll need to make other arrangements for the other two times (and/or for the medication). But tell them this immediately, as they literally don't have many hours to arrange something else.

The litter tray doesn't need changing 3 times a day. They are going away for 4 days, the cat would cope if it only got changed once in that time, to be honest, and whilst it isn't a pleasant job it's really not a very long job for your H to do, even after a long day at work. It's also something that the cat owner can mitigate for by providing the cat with several litter trays to use during that time if she knows the tray isn't going to be emptied every day - but again, you need to let her know this NOW so that she can go to the shops to buy another couple of trays and cat litter before the shops close at 4pm.

I think that's a bit unfair, lots of people will feed a neighbour's cat for them no problem, and my neighbours have done things like let my dogs out for a wee or a walk (to top up other dog care) and the payment is usually a box of chocolates and a massive thank you. There's nothing inherently CFery about relying on neighbours to feed the cat, especially not somebody who has done it before.

edited to ammend as I realise OP knew about frequency of feeding a month ago.

But the Op agreed to do it???
It’s fine to say no.
not really fine to say no with 24hours notice unless there’s a serious reason like illness.
It’s only for 4 days and it literally takes me 5 minutes to feed my cat. And to change a litter tray.
feel like this is really being blown out of proportion. You’re talking maybe 20 minutes out of the day for just 4 days. Can’t really work out the fuss.

I feel as though I’ve made it so so clear to her without actually saying

How's that working out for you?

Have you read any of the updates?
OP is pregnant so can't change litter.
Cat needs medication 3x a day.
Due to medication car needs more frequent litter changes

All of this information was only dropped on her yesterday. So yes, she agreed to feed the cat, but she didn't agree to the above.

OP never intended on doing the litter or feeding the cat, though. She accepted on behalf of her husband.

Its only because it’s 3x now that she wants to back out.

She can go feed the cat twice and her DH can do the other time and clean the litter box.

I’d get yourself round to their house NOW and explain. You can’t just leave it and expect her to read your mind. At least give her some time to try and get someone else to do it!!!

This.

If they've changed the goalposts then you are not unreasonable to stick to the original agreement and to say you'll do one visit a day, and one litter change by your DH and they'll have to find someone to supplement those visits.

But yabu to completely back out now.

Which is exactly why I said “if you can” we don’t know what the medication is or how it is administered.

One visit a day. You can do 1 x medication,

One litter change a day (DH to do this) He can do 1 x medication.

They need to find someone else to do the 3rd visit.