Agreed to something I shouldn’t have, AIBU

[whoopswhatdoido]

Months ago we agreed to cat-sit for our neighbour for 4 days while they went away. We’ve done it once before, a year ago. When she asked again in possibly January time I said no problem. We do this for free btw

I found out about a month ago that this week is going to be really busy for us and minding their cat is an extra pressure and stress that isn’t needed. I made an excuse politely then and asked my neighbour to ask her family instead. She seemed a bit annoyed and said it was only three times a day, but she would ask. Her family all have ‘a lot on’ so nobody can do it for her.

I am not the best at being assertive in these situations so I said I’m sure we can make it work, somehow. They don’t get on holiday much and I felt guilty. Anyway I was under the impression it was just to feed the cat but we have literally just found out she is on medication also which needs giving so 3 visits a day. Also the cat will need litter tray changing more frequently due to this and I’m pregnant. DH could do it but he works much longer days than me so isn’t going to be able to do the 3x a day. Longwinded way of saying we cannot do it and I’m now stressed and feeling guilty there is no way out of it. We are moving house in 3 weeks anyway so in theory don’t have to have much to do with them then but I’m possibly the biggest people pleaser going and I would always try to honour any commitment for somebody.

What can I do? They go away tomorrow. We have other neighbours who have previously done this for them before but I’m worried they’ll be annoyed at us if we don’t.

So they just changed the request yesterday, from visiting once a day to 3 times a day. And you are moving in 3 weeks and wont see them again. Time to be assertive and put yourself first.
Text something like
Sorry, cant give cat medication 3 times a day. We planned for DH to pop in once a day to feed moggy and change its litter, as previously agreed. You need to get someone else to do the other two visits.
Then be firm at sticking to no, not possible. Its their problem and their lack of planning, they are trying to make it your problem, but it really isnt for you to solve.

You need go be assertive.

"Hi neighbour. I'm happy to feed your cat once a day as we did before, but I am unable to go three times a day, so I am afraid you'll have to find someone else to do the other two visits as it's not feasible for is".

I look after my mates cat when she goes away but only because its once a day so doesn't interfere with my plans! Last time the cat had a medical condition so she paid for a cat sitter.

I agree. You've known this would be an issue for a month!

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist no op only found out yesterday about the medication bit.

Are you saying that they didn’t even tell you that it was 3x a day medicine until you said you didn’t have time now? How did they expect you to know to administer it?

It doesn’t take long to feed a cat and do a litter tray for a neighbour (so no travel time) so I think you can fit the commitment in even if you do now have other things on. The medicine though… depends what that means, if you have to actually find the cat and fight the medicine into it?

Surely you already knew you were pregnant when you agreed or in better time to let them down? That just sounds like an extra excuse.

I think it’s fair to drop out due to pregnancy - but only with more notice.
Also fine to say no to 3x a day if really not possibly, if they’ve literally only mentioned in passing that it’s needed.
But for the daily visit just because you’re busy? That’s totally flaky and unreasonable for a simple task you committed to.

"Sorry neighbour but you really need to find someone else to help. I'm happy to get DH to do 1x a day but that's as much as we can manage. I appreciate I agreed a while ago but you didn't say it would be 3x a day and that's just not doable for us when I'm pregnant and he's working such long hours."

So you should have said no then!

But that's the only new bit. She's known about being busy, pregnancy/litter etc. for much longer than that.

And she was told about the medication yesterday. When your neighbour is going away in 2 days, you don't sit on the information for a whole day before telling them you can't give their cat medication.

She's messing them around.

So what’s the issue then? You agreed to do it so ultimately you need to get it sorted and your husband will be fine to do it. Text the neighbour back to apologise for being so difficult and let them know your husband will be doing it.

I think it’s a really shitty thing for you to back out now.

The pregnancy just seems like an excuse, your husband can do the litter.

Just say no.

You're not the one changing the agreement, they are. If you paid for a service you wouldn't be able to change it to 3 x the amount so why would you for a neighbourly favour. Say you'll do the feeding but no more. This is not your problem. Medicating a cat and extra cat litter trays is too big an ask.

You made your biggest mistake a month ago when you told her you had a lot on. You shouldn't have backed down. If it's reasonable for their family to refuse because they have a lot on, it would have been reasonable for you to refuse for the same reason.

You should have told them you couldn't do it then. It would not be your responsibility to find a solution for them with that much notice. A month is plenty of time to make another arrangement.

One day isn't enough. It would be unreasonable to pull out completely now. However, I don't think it's unreasonable to say you cannot take on more than you originally agreed. Giving a cat medication three times a day when you are busy doing other things is no small undertaking. They should be looking for a professional cat carer to do that.

They aren’t going to get it in to a Cattery with under 24 hours notice. Sorry but you’ve left it far too late to do anything other than stick to your agreement. If you hadn’t wanted to do it you should have said so weeks/months ago! Good pet care options are often booked up months in advance. Unfortunately on this occasion you’re going to have to suck it up and do it

And it’s four days. Is it even four whole days?
Ask them to put out a second litter box so the litter can be done just twice.

Ask if another neighbor can help so it’s only twice a day.

Right, time to send another one.

‘Hi-I haven’t heard back from you about tomorrow? I can still do once a day as you’ve asked, but three times a day will be impossible so I’m hoping you’ve got those slots covered’

What medication are you supposed to be giving? I have had cats for years and giving meds can be bloody hard and usually takes two of us!

I don't think you can back out now. That would be awful. It's only a few days and you obviously live close.
Maybe ask them to get a second litter tray so the cat isn't struggling until your husband can do it.
It really doesn't take long to pop in and give a cat medication (providing they are easy enough to medicate).
Say no next time though!

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist yes but the arrangement was that her dh was going to do the cleaning and check in once a day. This has now changed to needing meds 3x a day?

All those saying op needs to stick to it. The arrangement changed yesterday. So you all are saying she needs to take a risk of tending to a sick cat, administer meds, risk being scratched and do this 3x a day - all for nothing?? This place sometimes!

No one thinks the neighbour was a CF expecting someone to do this??

Bit shitty to back out now after saying yes but if you don't want to do it youl have to tell them now.

There always seems to be posts on our facebook community pages asking for pet sitters etc while they go on holiday so maybe ask her to do something like that and see if anyone's available?

You should have clearly said no and stuck to that.
It’s far too late for alternative arrangements!
Hints and vague statements don’t work for a lot of people. They need to be told directly.
You have agreed to this so you need to find a way to do as much as you can.

You need to tell them that you'll pop round and feed the cat but you can't go near the litter as it's dangerous for the baby.
You can leave the meds in the cat food but you won't be struggling with the cat to get it down their throat, that's a
Concern if it stratchrs or bites you
Their family will need to
Come and sort the litter out

I agree with what seems to be the consensus - stick to the original plan. State that this is what you will be doing.

Your priority is your baby. Dh pops in once a day to feed and do the litter tray.

Their family can do the rest.

I don’t know why so many people are assuming medication for cats is such an issue. We have a cat that licks the tablets off our hand because he is so keen to have them and others are taken quickly because they are crushed into the food and don’t need to be supervised (just don’t leave down much food so the cat is hungry enough to eat it all). Cats who have insulin are usually used to the routine and it’s a quick injection.

Does Cat in a Flat operate in your area?
Cat sitter near me with Cat in a Flat - the United Kingdom

the day before they go is too late - but unreasonable of them to only advise three visits late in the day.

No one thinks the neighbour was a CF expecting someone to do this??

Absolutely! I would have responded with a ‘no, three times a day will not be possible!’ yesterday, the minute I read that text changing the goal posts though!

It appears the OP has sent one text asking if a family member could help out, got no reply and then hasn’t said or done anything else expect post on here ?!

I’d be really cross with them for expecting em to do this if I was the OP, and would have gone round and talked to them yesterday.