Agreed to something I shouldn’t have, AIBU

[whoopswhatdoido]

Months ago we agreed to cat-sit for our neighbour for 4 days while they went away. We’ve done it once before, a year ago. When she asked again in possibly January time I said no problem. We do this for free btw

I found out about a month ago that this week is going to be really busy for us and minding their cat is an extra pressure and stress that isn’t needed. I made an excuse politely then and asked my neighbour to ask her family instead. She seemed a bit annoyed and said it was only three times a day, but she would ask. Her family all have ‘a lot on’ so nobody can do it for her.

I am not the best at being assertive in these situations so I said I’m sure we can make it work, somehow. They don’t get on holiday much and I felt guilty. Anyway I was under the impression it was just to feed the cat but we have literally just found out she is on medication also which needs giving so 3 visits a day. Also the cat will need litter tray changing more frequently due to this and I’m pregnant. DH could do it but he works much longer days than me so isn’t going to be able to do the 3x a day. Longwinded way of saying we cannot do it and I’m now stressed and feeling guilty there is no way out of it. We are moving house in 3 weeks anyway so in theory don’t have to have much to do with them then but I’m possibly the biggest people pleaser going and I would always try to honour any commitment for somebody.

What can I do? They go away tomorrow. We have other neighbours who have previously done this for them before but I’m worried they’ll be annoyed at us if we don’t.

I have had 7 cats-none of who have been easy to give medication to. I have also never given anyone an injection, cat or human so wouldn’t be anywhere near happy to do that without being shown what to do a few times!

You’re pregnant and moving house in three weeks, that’s enough for any reasonable person to understand.

Another OP who wants to let down a neighbour after agreeing to do them a favour.

Why agree in the first place?

If someone did this to me I’d be well pissed off at them.

I would suck it up because it is tomorrow, not enough notice to change.

Your DH does AM & PM with a litter change and you do midday feed/medication (if you can, can’t imagine it is an easy task)

And what if the cat doesn't want the medication or lashes out and then gets more sick? Who is going to take it to the vet ?
I can't believe people are telling her she needs to suck it up at the expense of her health and baby. Ridiculous. Is no one reading that she told the OP only yesterday about the new change???

I've voted yabu to continue to do this. You have a husband and pregnancy, these should be your priorities. Not, what the neighbours think.

Springing this on you yesterday is cf territory. Its not what you agreed to at all.

Well in your OP you clearly say she told you it would be 3 times a day when you spoke to her about a month ago & now you’re saying you only found out yesterday, which is it?

I found out about a month ago that this week is going to be really busy for us and minding their cat is an extra pressure and stress that isn’t needed. I made an excuse politely then and asked my neighbour to ask her family instead. She seemed a bit annoyed and said it was only three times a day, but she would ask. Her family all have ‘a lot on’ so nobody can do it for her.

I am not the best at being assertive in these situations so I said I’m sure we can make it work, somehow.

The day before is too late to pull out of the whole commitment but definitely stick to your guns and the original agreement. They will need to cover the extra visits and medications. It's unreasonable of them to change arrangements at this stage.

Out of interest how pregnant are you? Just wondering as if you were pregnant when you originally agreed what was the plan for litter trays then?

OP - I suggest you message the neighbour immediately. Something along the lines of:

Dear Neighbour

Sorry to hear Tiddles is poorly.

Just to let you know, I'm still available to visit once a day to (do whatever you agreed a month ago), but I'm afraid to do anymore is impossible.

See you when you get back, etc

Don't offer any reasons for why it's impossible and don't suggest any solutions. Doing so will encourage them to put further pressure on you. If they persist, keep repeating "I'll do what I agreed, but more than that is impossible"

You needed to be clear when you told her a month ago that you couldn't do it. It was then her responsibility to make alternate arrangements.

Issue with getting something for free is it's never guaranteed

I would tell them that I was not going to give the cat the medication. I'd say I agree to do X and you literally with one days notice changed it to Y. I'm not doing that. I will do what I originally agreed to do but you need to make your own arrangements for this last minute addition.

Yes they'll be cross but they are the ones who waited until the day before they go to tell you they need a lot more from you than you originally agreed to do.

If I were pregnant I wouldn’t go near the cat litter if another person’s cat, nor would I let my husband do so. Feeding a cat which poos outside is one thing; going in three times a day and changing litter is another.
Just say the litter changing and the responsibility for the cat’s medicine is making you anxious.
Im all for helping out too but in you case, you need to put yourself and any risk to the baby first.
Also what would happen if the cat got ill? They would blame you for not administering the medicine properly!!!

If someone asked me to feed their cat once a day, then dropped on me the day before that it also needed medication 3x a day, I'd be more than "well pissed off" and would probably refuse to help at all

I think letting them down at the last minute was a shitty thing to do on your behalf. It’s hard finding pet sitters without booking weeks or months in advance. YABVU and they have every right to be pissed off.

Another angry person who doesn’t like someone else opinion.

Not really. It’s ok for people to respond with their own opinions!

As I did originally. Your point!

Glad it's not just me who picked up on that

Mainly, though, isn't it odd how one thread on a subject - in this not wanting to cat sit - almost immediately spawns another?

I don't think it's too late to drop out as they concealed the full extent of the commitment. OP you agreed to do what you have always done. They chose to without relevant information until just now. This new information makes it undoable for you.

This is their fault and not yours.

Had it been once a day as it always was then your dh could change the litter. To expect pregnant women to handle cat faeces is immoral. It's known to be something pregnant women should avoid.

This is a problem of their making

You should be thinking about the poor cat in this.

I had someone give up on cat sitting half way through, she left my poor cats to starve. No food or water for a week. So cruel. Luckily I got a friend to come in but what if I couldn't have found anyone?

Nope they concealed the full extent of the job. They created the problem. It's on them.

I feel as though I’ve made it so so clear to her without actually saying. It’s like having people round in your house and saying ‘right then’, or ‘I’ve got a really early start tomorrow’ and them still outstaying their welcome.

you sound like an absolute nightmare.

If you want to say something, just SAY it. People are not minder, and no, if you haven't said it, you haven't made it clear.

You are making things 100 times worst than if you had just been clear from the beginning. Waiting for the last possible minute is a very shitty thing to do. You do have valid reasons, but you have created problems that really could have been so easily avoided.

I would tell them that you're prepared to go once a day but can't do 3 times a day to give medication. The cat will just have to have a break from the medication and they resume it when the get back, or they make other arrangements.

Yes this is the bit that's confusing me too. She said originally she knew it was 3 x a day but then later says she only found out about that yesterday?