To want to do something with just my kids?

[LilyPanda]

I want to take my kids away in the 6 weeks… either abroad for 4-5 nights or somewhere in the UK. Most likely abroad to somewhere like Spain or France.

Husband won’t be coming as he is working and self employed so if he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid but he’s more then happy for me to go with our 2 kids.

However, he has asked if I would take his DD (my DSD) and Iv said no, I would like to just take our kids and spend some quality time with them. Hes accepted this and nothing else was said about it but DSD has heard from her sister that she’s going away and now her mum is asking why can’t she come.

So am I being totally selfish to only want to take my own children?

I think it's fine for you to do this on a week while she is with her Mum, if she is actually spending that week with your dh while you go away I can see this seems a bit unfair and you should change the timing of your trip if so.

It’s a shame when half siblings are not that close. I think it shows there is a slight breakdown between family dynamics ( in children)

Absolute nonsense. Plenty of full siblings don’t get on. It’s perfectly fine for siblings of any stripe to not necessarily be very close.

I'm not sure I could look my DSD in the eye and say no to a holiday they want to come on especially when I'd been in her life since she was a toddler. She must feel quite hurt and excluded. Is she paying the price for your husband not joining you on the family holiday?

Can you even take a child that isn't yours out of the country?

I wouldn't want responsibility for a child that wasn't my own. Plus looking after 3 kids on your own on holiday... Not much of a holiday for you! If you go anywhere with a pool you would be stressed the whole time keeping an eye on all 3 children.

Just push back for all the above reasons. Obviously if your dh decides to go, then sure take the SD along too.

What sort of a relationship do you have with DSD? Are you just dads wife to her or do you genuinely enjoy spending time together?

The dad needs to go with you all. Yeah yeah doesn’t work doesn’t get paid because self employed, but that doesn’t cut it. If there’s space enough in the family money for these planned holidays, there’s surely space enough of thought through for him to go. Idk, it sounds a bit like he’s just looking forward to a week off from the kids, rather than what’s best for all of his offspring.

YABU and YANBU, it’s not a binary one really. I think everyone gets your point of view, but at the same time I think many of us err on the side of the kid. Yes, not your choice she was born, but she has been your choice to involve in your life since she was a toddler. You get the guy you get the kid. Even if naive about it to begin with as I think you said elsewhere, you’ve had over a decade to get used to the idea.

You aren’t her mum, but your kids are her siblings, and being a step kid is hard enough without it being reminded you’re the ‘other’ or the mistake or something, whereas your kids have the ‘real’ family.

But, it’s for the dad to sort out. He doesn’t seem to have brought any solution to the table other than for you to have to deal with it all.

Just seen the ages.

Ignore point about swimming! Probably not relevant here!

In the onus not on her DH to spend time with his daughter? Frankly if his children having holidays is important to him then he needs to arrange his working life around that.

Irrelevant

What nonsense. The dh and op are happy to do it this way so why are you trying to make it an issue now? Also dsd doesn't know how the finances work so what difference does it make.

OP has asked a question so I’ve asked for information to decide an answer

Yes and I'm arguing that it's irrelevant

Yes you can take a child away who isn’t yours, you just download a permission letter from the internet.
I thought Yanbu at first. After seeing the update that the op has been with the child’s father virtually all her life I feel sorry for dsd.
No help to the op but this is why it’s usually better to avoid getting with men who already have children. At least don’t bring more children into the mix if you do.

I’m looking at booking it on when I can get the best deal money wise to be honest, Iv looked at 3 places and they all have slightly different dates. My top choice is when she’s with her mum.

Would the DSD actually want to go on holiday with the OP and step siblings, or is it just the ex stirring for the sake of it?

I'd do it then. Makes it much easier if mum's going to be weird about it. She's got an inflated sense of entitlement.

Why do you even need to argue it’s irrelevant? Your comment was irrelevant to me

Husband also has clients he can’t let down. He’s not coming. There is no option here where he comes. We don’t want to lose his income while we are away and he can’t let clients down that are already booked in.
I’m more than happy to take the kids away on my own. He also hates being in the house on his own and absolutely hates it when I’m away so he’s not looking forward to us being away and even if he was, I wouldn’t blame him!

Yanbu for taking your own kids without your stepdaughter since the dad is,not here. I to be honest would not be happy if the partner of my ex husband would take my kids on holiday without the dad being there but in my case luckily it won't happen as she is a two faced woman we would not spend a penny on my kids so it is never going to happen

I’m 110% fine that he’s not joining us. I love spending time with our kids with or without him so no one’s paying any price because he’s not attending.

I doubt very much that your 16 stepdaughter wants to spend a second longer with you than she has to. I'm also surprised her mother wants her to go on holiday with you and your children without her father present.

No. She’s not your kid, she’s got 2 parents.

What does dsd want? Has anyone talked to her about it?

Do you have a good relationship with her? And does leaving her out risk damaging that?

I agree! Not to fussed about my brothers ( half brothers) - but children siblings should be encouraged to be close. The early years bonding makes a big difference as adults

Even though we actually lived together we were treated as separate entities - intentional or not. No effort was made to allow us to bond. Which kind of made me feel like a cuckoo in the nest - despite me being there first.

And I note you chopped off the rest of my post which was agreeing with OP.

Did I hit a nerve?

I wouldn't be taking responsibility for someone else's 16yo girl on holiday. One sniff of a teen holiday romance & your entire holiday is ruined trying to keep them safe & dealing with the resulting emotional outbursts. Mum or dad needs to be there to set those boundaries.