To want to do something with just my kids?

[LilyPanda]

I want to take my kids away in the 6 weeks… either abroad for 4-5 nights or somewhere in the UK. Most likely abroad to somewhere like Spain or France.

Husband won’t be coming as he is working and self employed so if he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid but he’s more then happy for me to go with our 2 kids.

However, he has asked if I would take his DD (my DSD) and Iv said no, I would like to just take our kids and spend some quality time with them. Hes accepted this and nothing else was said about it but DSD has heard from her sister that she’s going away and now her mum is asking why can’t she come.

So am I being totally selfish to only want to take my own children?

It's a few days in Spain,they don't keep her in the coal cellar.

Good that you have done it guilt free. You should be able to do things with only your children without having to justify that. She has her own mum to do things with. Her dad isn't going along so it's not like she is left out of a family holiday. Its good that you set the boundary as well with everyone concerned as you don't need to explain your choices to anyone.

Don't really have comment on OP's dilemma but this makes me so glad my parents knuckled through and kept us as a nuclear family unit despite wanting to divorce.

That ensured I never had to feel like the dirty outcast of the family – I know that's not OP's intention or meaning, but kids take things differently, and carry that feeling for the rest of their life!

I know it's never clear what the best thing to do is (should unhappy parents divorce, after divorce how much do you treat your stepkid like your own kid), but in my particular case I'm just SO glad things went a certain way and I always felt unconditionally, without question, belonged and included.

Again not a commentary on OP's situation. Just a selfish little comment about myself.

Did you really never feel sad for your parents, knowing they were spending their life being unhappy?
Or unsure about the future, worrying if they would crack one day and end it?
I'm intrigued as usually posters comment about the sheer relief of the black cloud of their parents unhappiness lifting, yours is a new perspective.

I never knew they were unhappy so I was fine and really happy! Honestly as an adult myself now, I think a lot of their difficulties were generational (eg many people that age were not raised to communicate effectively) / personality so divorce wouldn't have solved that problem at all. They weren't a great marital couple but they were the best parents.

As someone with a step parent. Ive never forgot the time my dad refused me something because my step"mum" told him her sons wouldn't get it. And I dont remember much from my childhood but this has always stuck with me. My mums passed away and I thought they would get it at their dad's if she said no.
I say go with your kids. Unfortunately it's part of a blended family, each family is different and do different things in each house.

Frankly at 16 it’s beyond belief that she would give a single shit about a holiday with her step mum and two younger siblings. If you took her she would be miserable and it sounds like her mum’s just stirring the pot for her own sake.