To want to do something with just my kids?

[LilyPanda]

I want to take my kids away in the 6 weeks… either abroad for 4-5 nights or somewhere in the UK. Most likely abroad to somewhere like Spain or France.

Husband won’t be coming as he is working and self employed so if he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid but he’s more then happy for me to go with our 2 kids.

However, he has asked if I would take his DD (my DSD) and Iv said no, I would like to just take our kids and spend some quality time with them. Hes accepted this and nothing else was said about it but DSD has heard from her sister that she’s going away and now her mum is asking why can’t she come.

So am I being totally selfish to only want to take my own children?

No, you’re not.

he’s asked, you said no, don’t give it another thought.

huge difference between spending time together and him taking one child on holiday and leaving the rest behind.

He can spend time with her going to the cinema or playing a board game 1:1, not taking her on holiday. He can take all three of his kids on holiday.

It is abit mean..your husband should take his own biological daughter on a holiday while you the other children are gone

It is abit mean..your husband should take his own biological daughter on a holiday while you the other children are gone

Husband is working and not going anywhere.
OP is technically doing nothing wrong. But this dynamic may cause a rift and resentment in long term. Divorced kids are very sensitive to discrimination.

Don't know why there is so many nasty comments on this post, taking your own children away is perfectly acceptable. Unless dh was coming with you. I would maybe have the conversation with DSD about the holiday on how she does other things with mum that don't include her siblings. I hope you and your children have an amazing holiday ❤️

But why should he though? You’re only suggesting that in retaliation to his younger children spending some nice quality time with their mum. There shouldn’t be anything automatically owed to dsd on the back of OP and her children spending quality time together on a little holiday.

If he does take his eldest away then I hope he books something for just his younger children too.

But why should he though? You’re only suggesting that in retaliation to his younger children

to make sure equal amount of holidays? We're not told why the girl's own mother doesn't take her on holiday.
OP and HER children - technically fine. But then you're either are family or you are not. Siblings will read that message.

Sorry to ask, you said 'he wasn't married before you' so a bit unclear - did you get together with your DH whilst he was still with his ex?

I'm not sure - may have missed it though - that DSD's mother ('the ex') doesn't take her on holiday. But I guess it's not about quid pro quo about the fairness of number of holidays but the feeling of being excluded, especially when you have had your SM in your life since you were a toddler, i.e. for a child, as long as they remember.

DSD has her own mother, why is it her father's sole responsibility to ensure she gets 2 holidays? He and OP are taking her on holiday. OP is also taking her own children on holiday.
Why is it so hard to grasp that SC's mother should be shouldering that responsibility. I highly doubt OPs husband doesn't pay some sort of maintenance for the elder child as well.

Why are you so intent on insisting OP had a affair? It's none of your business when they got together but given the SD is 16 and OPs oldest is 12 most people would assume there wasn't an overlap.

Why are you not assuming that OPs husband only had a brief relationship with SD's mother that resulted in a child? Or that they had a ONS and tried to have a relationship for the sake of the child but just weren't compatible? Scenarios that are just as likely as affairs breaking up relationships.

Why are you so determined that everyone is having an affair?
I'm my husband AKA "Leftovers" first wife, he was never married to the "Used goods" he made "The Mistake" with and had split up from her before I ever met him.
This isn't hard to figure out for people who aren't sniffing out scandal everywhere.

Why is it so hard to grasp that DH needs to ensure HE is treating ALL his children fairly. Nothing to do with what his ex does.

He is contributing to a summer holiday for 2 out of 3 of his children. He asked the OP to take DSD & she said No, which is completely up to her. But the money that would have been spent to take DSD should still be used to fund a trip, day out or whatever, for her.

Maybe he should give the money to DSD’s mother to take her somewhere, given that OP won’t tolerate DH going away with DSD on her own.

Presumably he pays the mother child support. She can use some of that and call it his contribution to taking her own child on holiday. Same as OP is doing with hers.

Anyway, the situation for OP seems to be resolved.

@Shelby2010

He is treating all his children fairly.. he is taking them all away on holiday in October

The mother to 2 of his children are taking them on holiday with money SHE contributes to the family (at a time when DSD is at her mums anyway)

The mother of the other child can take her away with money she contributes to her household income (with possible maintenance payments by the father contributing to that household)

In your reasoning how far should OP take this "fairness" no darlings you can't have an ice-cream this week as DSD isn't here, no we can't go out for the day as DSD isn't here... just go and sit in your room until she arrives 🤷🏻‍♀️

Because self-employed men are well known for their excessive CMS contributions. Not.

In your reasoning how far should OP take this "fairness" no darlings you can't have an ice-cream this week as DSD isn't here, no we can't go out for the day as DSD isn't here... just go and sit in your room until she arrives

I've been around for years and distinctly remember a thread where posters were adamant that the OPs children were allowed to go to the park while her DSC were with their mother, but a shot on the little paddle boats on the pond at the park was too much fun for them to enjoy without the DSC and would have to wait. I can't remember whether they were allowed an ice cream or not 🤔

See also "no, you absolutely can't just nip into McDs for a quick dinner on your way home, you must do a 40 minute round trip to collect the DSC or it's not fair on them"

And so on and so forth. They walk among us.

I remember that thread too. Not allowed on the peddle boats/not allowed an ice cream because the dsc weren’t with them 🤦🏼‍♀️. Absolutely bonkers.

I remember that thread too. Not allowed on the peddle boats/not allowed an ice cream because the dsc weren’t with them 🤦🏼‍♀️. Absolutely bonkers.

but this is the other way around.

What’s the other way around?

You have no idea how much cms he pays regardless of him being self employed. What an odd thing to comment on.

If it makes you feel better we can say the holiday is coming from MY contribution to the joint account.

Also where does it stop? I got my kids an ice cream from the ice cream van the other day, should I transfer dsd £3 to buy her own? How about the dominos we had for tea last week? Should I transfer her a tenner so she can grab her own small pizza.

Where does it end ? Are my kids never allowed to do anything if the dsd isn’t there ?

That is bonkers! Absolutely no chance that would happen here. We plan stuff altogether but if I want to do something on a day dsd isn’t here then I still go ahead and do it.

Deplorable in my view, but absolutely your right.

Good for you,I hope you and your DC have a great time.🙂