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Original poster

To want to do something with just my kids?

457 replies

LilyPanda · 09/06/2024 00:05

I want to take my kids away in the 6 weeks… either abroad for 4-5 nights or somewhere in the UK. Most likely abroad to somewhere like Spain or France.

Husband won’t be coming as he is working and self employed so if he doesn’t work, he doesn’t get paid but he’s more then happy for me to go with our 2 kids.

However, he has asked if I would take his DD (my DSD) and Iv said no, I would like to just take our kids and spend some quality time with them. Hes accepted this and nothing else was said about it but DSD has heard from her sister that she’s going away and now her mum is asking why can’t she come.

So am I being totally selfish to only want to take my own children?

OP posts:
funinthesun19 · 10/06/2024 14:31

elessar · 09/06/2024 21:33

@LilyPanda no, I didn't say she should, I just said it wouldn't be any harm if that meant she got an extra trip in one year overall - ie. You all go on one family holiday, she gets a trip with her dad, and her mum and your kids get a trip with you.

What you're saying is that your kids will never miss out - so it wouldn't be ok for your SD to do something alone with her dad. But it is ok for your SD to miss out. You're only concerned about fairness when it impacts your own children.

I guess that's your right, but it makes it pretty clear how you feel about your stepdaughter.

And to be clear, I still don't think there's a problem with you taking your children away. But I don't see why you would begrudge your husband taking his daughter on a separate trip (assuming he wanted to take her, and assuming she wanted to go).

Dsd’s holidays:
With her mum
With her dad
A family holiday

OP’s kids’ holidays:
With their mum

A family holiday

You seem to have missed out the holiday for OP’s kids with their dad without dsd.

InterIgnis · 10/06/2024 14:31

Mcvitieschoccybiscuit · 10/06/2024 14:24

For me this is all down to the husband to sort out.

OP wants to go on holiday with her kids for some quality time- fine.

Perfect time for the dad to take his daughter on holiday on his own and also have some quality time with her.

We always manage to pitch the mothers against each other whilst the dad to the step siblings just sits back and gets “pissed off”. Time for him to step up for his daughter. Most people are busy with work but manage to organise and rearrange stuff for their kids. I just don’t buy that he can’t have a Friday and Monday off to make a long weekend in the next 6 months if he really wanted to he would. Meanwhile his wife and his ex play the wicked stepmother v evil ex because he’s too busy to handle his responsibilities.

How is it for the dad to solve? And by treating his eldest differently to his youngest kids?

The mother wants her daughter to have the same as OP’s kids. OP’s kids are getting a holiday with their mother. If the mother wants her to have that then she needs to be the one to provide it, not expect OP to.

The father taking his eldest away doesn’t equalise anything. He hasn’t taken his youngest kids away and therefore owes his eldest a holiday. He has in fact treated them equally.

funinthesun19 · 10/06/2024 14:39

The father taking his eldest away doesn’t equalise anything

Exactly it doesn’t. Taking his eldest away in RETALIATION to the mother of his youngest children taking her children away for a few days makes no sense. She’s not her mum so what is there to make up for?

Can you imagine the responses on here if the father took his younger children away on his own JUST BECAUSE his eldest went away with her mum?

InterIgnis · 10/06/2024 14:45

funinthesun19 · 10/06/2024 14:39

The father taking his eldest away doesn’t equalise anything

Exactly it doesn’t. Taking his eldest away in RETALIATION to the mother of his youngest children taking her children away for a few days makes no sense. She’s not her mum so what is there to make up for?

Can you imagine the responses on here if the father took his younger children away on his own JUST BECAUSE his eldest went away with her mum?

Edited

It’s always the same. The eldest child is dad’s only responsibility, whereas any children he’s had with the stepmum are hers and hers alone. They shouldn’t really exist at all, but given that they do their lives must revolve around the eldest. The eldest is forever a poor unfortunate that must be compensated by every other member of her family*

*but not the mother apparently, who thinks it’s someone else’s job to take her on a mother-daughter holiday.

Original poster
LilyPanda · 10/06/2024 17:07

Mcvitieschoccybiscuit · 10/06/2024 14:24

For me this is all down to the husband to sort out.

OP wants to go on holiday with her kids for some quality time- fine.

Perfect time for the dad to take his daughter on holiday on his own and also have some quality time with her.

We always manage to pitch the mothers against each other whilst the dad to the step siblings just sits back and gets “pissed off”. Time for him to step up for his daughter. Most people are busy with work but manage to organise and rearrange stuff for their kids. I just don’t buy that he can’t have a Friday and Monday off to make a long weekend in the next 6 months if he really wanted to he would. Meanwhile his wife and his ex play the wicked stepmother v evil ex because he’s too busy to handle his responsibilities.

We are not talking about the next 6 months, I said the 6 weeks holiday. We are all going away in October anyway.

If he goes on holiday with his eldest, our two will also be going. He has 3 kids, not 1.

OP posts:
Original poster
LilyPanda · 10/06/2024 17:14

DH won’t be taking just one of the kids on holiday, a trip to the cinema or a bite to eat then yes but he’s not doing individual holidays for any of the kids. Either they all go or none go.

However, Thank you everyone. Iv now booked to go away, 4 nights in Spain, great flight times, during the time we don’t have dsd. Guilt free!

Iv also messaged dsd mum back and she hasn’t replied so FX that’s the end of that.

OP posts:
Ereyraa · 10/06/2024 17:37

LilyPanda · 10/06/2024 17:14

DH won’t be taking just one of the kids on holiday, a trip to the cinema or a bite to eat then yes but he’s not doing individual holidays for any of the kids. Either they all go or none go.

However, Thank you everyone. Iv now booked to go away, 4 nights in Spain, great flight times, during the time we don’t have dsd. Guilt free!

Iv also messaged dsd mum back and she hasn’t replied so FX that’s the end of that.

Have an amazing time!

funinthesun19 · 10/06/2024 17:48

LilyPanda · 10/06/2024 17:14

DH won’t be taking just one of the kids on holiday, a trip to the cinema or a bite to eat then yes but he’s not doing individual holidays for any of the kids. Either they all go or none go.

However, Thank you everyone. Iv now booked to go away, 4 nights in Spain, great flight times, during the time we don’t have dsd. Guilt free!

Iv also messaged dsd mum back and she hasn’t replied so FX that’s the end of that.

Aw that sounds lovely. Have a fab time! 😊
Glad you’re feeling guilt free about it, too.

Dsd’s mum can always get booking 4 nights in Spain for her and dsd.

SackofSweets · 10/06/2024 17:50

Wild to suggest that OP’s DH should exclude two of his children for compensating for his DD’s step mum not taking her away. Why should his kids need to compensate for going away with their mother.

enjoy your holiday OP.

Sleepytiredyawn · 10/06/2024 18:10

You’ve been in each others lives since she was very young and all children aren’t exactly far apart in age. I do wonder if you’re not keen on her. I do get that you want to do something with your own children but to not invite her will make her feel so left out and even at 16, she’ll just feel like she’s not wanted.

It’s a tough one. Yes, you should be able to do something with your own kids, but some things just cause so much drama when you feel like you have to accommodate others too. I wouldn’t envy being you or the 16 year old to be honest.

cremebrulait · 10/06/2024 18:49

I’m disgusted by how women marry men and treat these men’s children as 2nd class citizens.

elessar · 10/06/2024 19:12

It's not about excluding anyone.

If OPs husband did a short break with just his daughter, then all three of his kids will have two holidays this year; one with just one parent, and one as a family. He would also then be funding the same number of holidays for all three of his kids. I can't see how that would be unfair on anyone.

As things stand, he's (part) funding two holidays for his kids with the OP, and only one holiday for his other daughter.

Anyway, it's clear that the OP isn't interested in any views other than the ones which agree with her, and regardless isn't bothered about how the SD may feel about the situation. So it's irrelevant what anyone says anyway.

Original poster
LilyPanda · 10/06/2024 19:14

elessar · 10/06/2024 19:12

It's not about excluding anyone.

If OPs husband did a short break with just his daughter, then all three of his kids will have two holidays this year; one with just one parent, and one as a family. He would also then be funding the same number of holidays for all three of his kids. I can't see how that would be unfair on anyone.

As things stand, he's (part) funding two holidays for his kids with the OP, and only one holiday for his other daughter.

Anyway, it's clear that the OP isn't interested in any views other than the ones which agree with her, and regardless isn't bothered about how the SD may feel about the situation. So it's irrelevant what anyone says anyway.

So what if her mum does take her away and dad gets 3 trips and my kids get 2?

does he then have to take our 2 on another trip?

Where does it end? Or if my kids miss out it doesn’t matter ?

OP posts:
Iaskedyouthrice · 10/06/2024 19:14

cremebrulait · 10/06/2024 18:49

I’m disgusted by how women marry men and treat these men’s children as 2nd class citizens.

It's disgusting how many mothers expect the stepmother to fix their failings. Imagine being that entitled.

InterIgnis · 10/06/2024 19:15

elessar · 10/06/2024 19:12

It's not about excluding anyone.

If OPs husband did a short break with just his daughter, then all three of his kids will have two holidays this year; one with just one parent, and one as a family. He would also then be funding the same number of holidays for all three of his kids. I can't see how that would be unfair on anyone.

As things stand, he's (part) funding two holidays for his kids with the OP, and only one holiday for his other daughter.

Anyway, it's clear that the OP isn't interested in any views other than the ones which agree with her, and regardless isn't bothered about how the SD may feel about the situation. So it's irrelevant what anyone says anyway.

It’s up to her mother to provide the second holiday if her having one is essential.

Jeannie88 · 10/06/2024 19:16

Sorry, late to convo, how old are they all? X

Original poster
LilyPanda · 10/06/2024 19:16

Jeannie88 · 10/06/2024 19:16

Sorry, late to convo, how old are they all? X

16,12,11 :)

OP posts:
Aswad · 10/06/2024 19:24

Sinek · 09/06/2024 01:17

I have a DSC and I've taken her with me when I've taken the two younger (our together) away because I want them to feel like a sibling set. Someday I'll be dead and gone and I hope they are all there for each other. You'll only sow division this way.

👏

Coco2024 · 10/06/2024 19:37

Taking someone else’s child away with you on holiday is a massive responsibility and if you’re not like 120% for it then you shouldn’t feel obliged to do it. I def couldn’t do it

Jeannie88 · 10/06/2024 19:54

LilyPanda · 10/06/2024 19:16

16,12,11 :)

Show quote history

Well I think you have your hands full enough! If both you and DP fine but on your own is much more stressful. Yes you should be able to do things with just your own kids and have other trips altogether as a bigger family. Xx

RosePetals86 · 10/06/2024 20:05

Her own mother could take her away if she has such fomo! The cheek!

Havinganamechange · 10/06/2024 20:11

I don’t think you are being unreasonable especially as she isn’t your daughter and your DH isn’t going. Plus wondering if the ex takes your two kids away? I bet not! Screw that, stick to your guns.

Nanny0gg · 10/06/2024 20:31

LilyPanda · 09/06/2024 18:28

I don’t understand this… why would he take dsd away on her own and not our kids?

DSD going away with her mum is the equivalent and him taking all the kids away would be fair.

Show quote history

Because sometimes it's nice for a child to spend time with their parent on their own?
Does she not ever spend time without her step-siblings there?

(all my DGC like spending one-to-one with their parents sometimes)

Nanny0gg · 10/06/2024 20:34

SackofSweets · 10/06/2024 17:50

Wild to suggest that OP’s DH should exclude two of his children for compensating for his DD’s step mum not taking her away. Why should his kids need to compensate for going away with their mother.

enjoy your holiday OP.

It's not compensating for what her mother does or doesn't do

It's spending time with his kid!
The OP wants to spend time with her own. He spends most (all?) his time with them and a bit where his first child is there too
Why can't she have time just with her dad?

InterIgnis · 10/06/2024 20:43

Nanny0gg · 10/06/2024 20:34

It's not compensating for what her mother does or doesn't do

It's spending time with his kid!
The OP wants to spend time with her own. He spends most (all?) his time with them and a bit where his first child is there too
Why can't she have time just with her dad?

Show quote history

People are literally suggesting that instead of her mother doing what OP is doing - holidaying with her children - that her father needs to provide something extra that he wouldn’t for the younger two.

He has three children, not just one.