Scary how men just move on so quickly

[Gobsmackedtobehonest]

My Dsis friend has been married for 10 years, together for 14 with him and they have a 6 year old son. Things tricky for a while with the wife feeling things weren’t going great, her Dh not as supportive and staying out later (but always stayed out due to job and very sociable person)
It’s come to light recently that he told her he’s met someone else, madly in love with her, brings out the best in him and so on. He’s moved out, moving in with her, set up a bedroom for the child to stay in when he visits. Basically left them with no money or cares about how they will cope with rent and so on, left dog, doesn’t seem bothered. Whole world they had together just..gone..just like that
This was a young, gorgeous couple, a really good team and madly in love with each other

It’s scary

Ime men leave when they have already began an affair, have somewhere to go to.
Women have affairs and usually having children, divorce when they know it's over and leave when they've sought all legal advice.

My brother was an arse hole, left his wife and 2 lovely children because he was in love with a work colleague 20 years his junior. Oh he stayed in the house because he had 'rights' went to marriage counselling, you know to draw out the hell whilst seeing this French girl in her 20's...
Needless to say she soon binned him off.

The house was sold etc etc... They coparent... Kids are gorgeous.
Now he's seeing someone else half his age.
I find it hard to forgive him as he was the only male role model that existed for me.

Maybe it's my problem.

I just love being single.

Yuck.

That’s awful @JanglingJack as someone who didn’t have many good male role models and had an absent father I’d be gutted if my brothers behaved like that too. Not to blame the women but I wish young women would turn their backs on these creepy men who refuse to grow up and keep going for younger women as they age. I never entertained older men when I was in my 20s.

Someone I know lost his wife due to cancer within the last year or so. Lots of facebook posts about how wonderful she was, great wife, mother etc. Now engaged to someone else.

Haven’t read the whole thread, but apparently Eamonn and Ruth have split (acvording to news reports) because he’s been talking to a woman, going on day trips etc and Ruth knew nothing about her until she came across some messages. So it looks like he was moving on…

I did, among others, sorry.
45 yo child free woman here,
I wouldn't call it "scary".
We all move on quickly, when unhappy in our lives and a way out presents itself, then people move on pronto.
It's alright, as posters say here, we have only one life.
Of course other people get hurt, but we are programmed to get over it.
We would all have to become unhappy hermits in our marriages, not to hurt anyone, why?
Everyone is different.

So we "ALL move on quickly" and yet "everyone is different"?

Bit of a contradiction?

It's quite clear from the MN boards that it isn't easy for all people to move on quickly, even when things in a relationship aren't great.

Having a long history with someone and having children make a big difference to how some people feel about ending things & their ability to move on.

What's the half his age got to do with it?

Would it have been ok, if they'd been his age or two years older than him?🙄

It’s not even a man thing, I think it’s just a shitty/flawed person thing. My sister used to move new men in constantly. She met one fella on a night out in another part of the country on a weekend away. When she came home on the Sunday night she brought him home with her & he never went home (not until he beat her unconscious & social services got involved so she had to kick him out or lose her kids). I’ve lost count at how many men she moved in over the years & every one of them was within days/weeks of meeting them.

I know other people that have had affairs, left their husband/wife then moved in together within weeks. Her ex husband (I don’t think they’re even divorced yet) took the kids back & wouldn’t let them live with her as she moved on too quickly & introduced him to the kids too fast. For every man that moves on too fast there’s a woman that’s also doing the same thing in moving in with him

Was the "gorgeous couple, a really good team and madly in love with each other" a show for social media (maybe they were hoping it would become reality), while things fell apart behind the scenes?

People who keep.moving around from partner to partner never find true happiness.

You cannot beat being a couple that have been together years and built stability and a nice loving relationship.
Perhaps raised kids, not stepkids and then grandchildren come along etc.
I know a couple still married after many years who haven't had many other partners either. They got together young and are still together.
You don't get happiness from keep moving around.

@PassingStranger Just makes him more abhorrent.

They definitely were not a fabulous young couple in love. DP's ex wasted no time in moving someone in the day after he left.

Agree, I think it's both men and women. You see it on here too, women having children with every man she meets it seems.

?
A couple who are still together after years abhorrent?

Sometimes just sometimes if a partner dies but the relationship/marriage was sexless / affectionless the partner left alive might well move on quickly. In this situation they may feel they have already spent enough time like this without spending more time like it just for appearances sake!

You never know what goes on behind closed doors
Or what doesnt!!

Guy at work was on a dating app while his partner was still in hospital recovering from the birth of their first child. Broke up with her a few days later and was going on dates straight away.

Luckily, she came from a rich family who helped her buy a house and financially supported her, but imagine being tied to this guy for the next 18 years. 😬

@PassingStranger An older man going for women 20 years younger.

Love is eternal but the objects change!

he’s met someone else, madly in love with her
This was a young, gorgeous couple, a really good team and madly in love with each other

Does he fall madly in love with every woman he meets?

Voted unreasonable as many woman are just the same.

Things tricky for a while

Of course you are being unreasonable, he'd fallen out of love with his wife a long time ago

When things are 'tricky for a while' and people feel unsupporte/staying out later, they are no longer madly in love and/or a team.

I think no one on the thread disputes that people can and do fall out of love, sometimes for strange or accidental reasons.

The question I have on the topic of the thread is why women seem to be much more able to stay decent even after falling out of love in terms of following through with the promises and agreements made during the relationship, even if romantic feelings are no longer there - in terms of the children, joint assets, wider family impact and so on. When men seem to be able to turn the page over and boom, new wife new life.

The OP is asking why men move on so quickly - I am saying they are not.
Men probably mentally check out much earlier (women just refuse to see that), so it's a normal amount of time for them.
IME, married middle aged women in managerial positions chase married big bosses, who pay no attention to them; such disrespect to their own husbands, makes me wonder what kind of losers these women are married to
Edited to add MARRIED big bosses