Scary how men just move on so quickly

[Gobsmackedtobehonest]

My Dsis friend has been married for 10 years, together for 14 with him and they have a 6 year old son. Things tricky for a while with the wife feeling things weren’t going great, her Dh not as supportive and staying out later (but always stayed out due to job and very sociable person)
It’s come to light recently that he told her he’s met someone else, madly in love with her, brings out the best in him and so on. He’s moved out, moving in with her, set up a bedroom for the child to stay in when he visits. Basically left them with no money or cares about how they will cope with rent and so on, left dog, doesn’t seem bothered. Whole world they had together just..gone..just like that
This was a young, gorgeous couple, a really good team and madly in love with each other

It’s scary

Men as a group are much more comfortable with abandoning their children and seeing their children go without because of their actions.

I think some men see the children as an extension of their mother, rather than individuals in their own right with the right to be supported by both parents. Once they're no longer in a relationship with the mother, they don't really think that their kids' welfare is their concern.

He wasn't as 'madly in love' any more- he was just going along with it. The spark and excitement had gone and he wanted that back. The same thing is likely to happen with the new woman and he will have to learn that every day is not a day only filled with romance, passion, excitement and sex, and that life gets in the way- jobs, houses, children, money etc- or he'll walk away with someone else.

I think there are plenty of women who move on very quickly, some having children with multiple men they have only just met…

Yeah it wasn't quite as moony as that and I can't remember the exact phrases used on the thread but along the lines of being interested enough in them to think of them during daily activities and consider them in decisions. I've certainly seen men who act as if they are just randomly living in the same house as a bunch of other people rather than actively working as a team with their family. Some men know very little about their partners and children and seem to not really understand why they should be more aware of each person's interests or needs. It isn't a stretch to say men are on the whole more selfish as a gender than women - it's not a new idea that they'll think of themselves and put their needs first.

I dunno, I used to work with a woman that said “the best way to get over your last boyfriend is to get under the next one”

lol… she had a point I think.

Same happened to me op

Partner and Husband of 18 years, 3 young children. I thought we were happy and things were going well, a good team, talked to each other about everything, together everyday. Me on Maternity leave and things at home all good.

New girl starts in Husbands work who he must have felt incredibly attracted to although she's married. He then changed his whole personality, out late, going to gym, got a nose job, couldn't stand to even look at me, stopped caring. Not even sure if they got physical but they were sending flirty texts to each other which is what I found and was enough for me.

In less than a year our 18 year relationship fell apart and I asked him to leave over it all. Not even a sorry or remorse or even admitting what he done. Instead I got the blame for apparently not showing him much love.

And that's all very well if there's no children involved.

Marriage as an institution is no longer valued.
so it’s easy for either side to move on.

Men are such vile creatures.

I think both sexes are at fault, they actually make it harder to love them.

Men these days don't have the work ethic, the masculinity, authority, which is actually being weaned out of them. Plus, they're well aware that divorce is often instigated by the woman, can happen so easily, and that they'll lose half or more. Of course their willingness to trust, bond, and marry is going to be greatly diminished.

And the women are less forgiving, less 'traditional' (which many men do still go for!), less classically feminine, and with the advent of OLD and thousands of men messaging them daily, actually have this air of "I don't need you, I have backups".

If the bond (emotional and psychological) is weaker, it's way easier to move on.

I agree in part. I think it is quite naive of people when in good health not to imagine how their life may look in 10 or 30 years. Maybe that's why I can't seem to attach unless I feel a "deep" bond - not that I seem to be very good at finding it in others!

I am quite worried at times about being alone in my 60's+. People are more independent but loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking 20 fags a day.

I have had this happen to me. Moved from London to Norfolk with then dh and dd aged 5. Whole new life, sold and purchased new house, transferred jobs etc. A year later he upped and left without warning for an ex he’d found on Facebook- when he had been going to visit his Mum in London (whilst I was at work) he’d been meeting up with her 😳 Dd and I never heard from him again! (That was 16 years ago now, I’m now happily remarried).

I think a lot of men don’t see women as anything more than an attractive appliance. If it stops working the way they want it to they just get a new one. Seen it happen many, many times particularly when the woman becomes older or unwell.

Some people are just very good at compartmentalising their feelings which obviously helps when moving on.
And Dating Apps have definitely changed the landscape when it comes to having an affair or finding a new partner quickly. And there are so many of them now.

I think it is mostly men though, at least in my experience. I have not met many women who have just closed the door on their old family, remembering them only around Christmases and birthdays, but I know plenty of men like that. And weirdly, they are still seen as good chaps (well... who's perfect), but a woman in exactly similar situation would be seen as devil incarnate.

Men are more sex focused. They do feel love intensely but when the sex dries up they check out.

Men or women who have personality disorders or certain character flaws, will invariably struggle to ever sustain a relationship/marriage and their feelings can quickly change.

Some seem to move on quickly but I am not sure what is better that or drawing it out into a massive saga where for months and months if not years it drags on

When my Nan was a little girl her Dad walked out on her mother and siblings and set up home with a widow and her children round the corner, and went on to have more children with her. He never spoke to my Nan and her sisters ever again, even when they saw him in the street. This was almost 100 years ago!

And the women are less forgiving, less 'traditional' (which many men do still go for!), less classically feminine, and with the advent of OLD and thousands of men messaging them daily, actually have this air of "I don't need you, I have backups"

There are still plenty of women who let men take the piss and remain in bad relationships for the sake of being in one. You only have to read the threads on here to see that. Not sure it’s a good thing though.

I'm absolutely convinced that vast majority of men don't really love their wives...they may care about them and feel 'in love ' based on what she brings to his life but that deep down devotion that women often feel to their partners is far less common in men. I remember at DC's school, a mum I knew husband died. She was utterly devastated. She remains devoted to her kids and has zero interest in finding a new man. Meanwhile one of the school mums died, the dad shacked up with a fellow school mum within a few months.

Far more women initiate the divorce than men do and at least as many women cheat as men do.

It'll be with good reason a lot of the time that they file for divorce, but the man simply walking away is a bit of a cliche.

I think this is very true. Women need to feel loved to want sex, men need sex to feel loved. (And yes there are always exceptions blah blah).

Bang on the money.

So many women offer a man somewhere to stay temporarily and that's what cements the relationship.

They don't love you, it's the accommodation and benefits that come with it!

Yet most divorces are initiated by the wives.

Maybe because they work it out.

I honestly think men aren't that bothered about who they're with. As long as she looks ok, doesn't moan too much and is nice enough, she'll do. Men don't actually meet a woman, fall in love and decide to get married. They decide to get married, then meet a woman. She could be anyone.