DP wants to pull out of a house purchase and buy something I don’t. AIBU to say no?

[ToHouseOrNotToHouse]

First house we are buying together. Found a perfect place and both fell in love with it. oOffer accepted and Surveys to be done this week etc

yesterday he saw a house that is basically the one we are buying before it had some amazing renovations and an extension. It’s a fair bit cheaper but we would spend about what we would save getting it up to the standard of the first house so makes no financial advantage from what I can see.

I don’t want to take on a project. It is the wrong time due to work, a new uni course and my health not being perfect at the moment. He seems unhappy that I want to play it safe and I can’t focus on the potential of the new house but 24 hours ago the first one was perfect for us so what does it matter that the new one could be even better?

AIBU and how do we even resolve this? I have a feeling he will get a bit stubborn over this but I absolutely do not think adding this level of stress is right for me or us at the moment and we can take on a project one day but not now.

Hey everyone, we had a long calm chat this evening and have decide to stick with the first house. I explained it’s not a never to a project house but it has to be the right time for both of us and he agreed it’s not the right time for me stress wise.

I think he got a bit carried away and when he thought of it all finished but didn’t really consider costs or the stress.

He still loves the house and we talked about being fair and respectful when we have differences in opinions in the future. He knows he can be overly confident and throw himself all in and I’ve said their are times I love that about him and he is free to do that when it only impacts him of course but this is not how we will decide things as a couple.

I think I was worried he would try and override me because I have seen what he is like when he is passionate about something but it was actually good to see him back down immediately when I fully explained why I couldn’t do it on an emotional level.

That’s great op! Good communication and exciting move ahead!

That's so good to hear. Well done for putting your case - and good luck with the move!

👏👏👏

I'm glad he actually listened to you, OP.

Hope the sale goes smoothly.

That's great news @ToHouseOrNotToHouse

Great news - well done!!

Great update OP!

I love a happy outcome

With the costs of materials and trade , renovations are super expensive! Imo better to buy one that's already done, less stress as well living in a building site. I'm a bit older, when I was younger this challenge would've been OK but the costs were less. Xx

You’re not being unreasonable but you need to talk it out. Lay out your pros and cons together. Is it really that easy to back out of an offer!

Building materials and labour costs have gone through the roof, what you price now may have no reflection on the true costs in 6 months or a years time.

Rock Paper Scissors! Just kidding. This is a hard one. You’re both right! He has a right to a project house and you have a right to say no to a project house. I do think the project house will be more valuable in the long run if could make a difference. Hopefully, someone will buy the project house before you can make an offer. Good luck to you both!

Taking on a Projects earlier on in a relationship is not a good idea.. just living with your first partner and having your first mortgage is stressful enough in my experience.

I really wonder if things like this are because he’s not challenged enough in his life whereas you are, doing a new uni course, maybe he needs the intellectual stimulation but ask him if he could get it from elsewhere

Building work often turns out to have unexpected complications, delays, expense and stress. I speak from experience so stick to the first choice and enjoy it from day one.

You are not being unreasonable but you need to find a place you both agree upon.

Try not to be too adversarial - keep to yourself that it's an awful idea to get the doer-upper , just give all the reasons why it's good to stick with what you've got which will keep him more open to the idea.

READ THE OP'S POSTS PEOPLE!!

They've agreed to go for the original house!

Is he happy about your course OP or is this perhaps his way of sabotaging your success?

First house together, I’m surprised by the advice you are given. He sounds selfish and inconsiderate.

That’s a really good outcome OP, he sounds a good partner.

As has previously been mentioned, hope you’ve also got everything watertight with ownership and ring fencing contributions etc as you’re not married.

good luck with your house!

Nice one OP- pleased for you!

Good resolution OP.

I've done projects but I wouldn't take one on right now. Materials are so expensive. Even if you have the skills to do some of it yourself it's hard to keep costs down.

What he thinks he can complete on 90k seems ambitious unless it's a very small extension. Plus you never know what's in the way. Where are the drains, what's the ground condition like etc

Foundation work is always an unknown quantity.

He can make smaller adjustments to enhance what you are buying but without the risks of the unknown.